TOW The Bings
by Monica-Bing
Summary: Here's the ending! Does Chandler remember? Kinda long...
1. Default Chapter

TOW The Bings  
For lack of a better title that doesn't give it all away…  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. This is just for entertainment and all that other good stuff. Hope you enjoy…Please be kind in your reviews!  
  
  
  
The sunlight on his face woke him, and he stirred quietly, wanting to cling to the last few minutes of sleep. Even before he reached full consciousness, he was aware of the arm across his chest and the soft hair tickling his neck. It never ceased to amaze him, waking up next to her. Knowing she was his - forever - made his heart race every time he looked at her. And he did that, often. When she wasn't looking, he would just stare at the woman who had captured his heart so many years ago, and wonder how he ever made her love him back. She was beautiful. That was obvious. But, though she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, it was not her appearance that had made him love her. It was her, plain and simple. He couldn't put it into words, but for him, love was Monica. It had never really been anyone else.  
She always looked so good in the morning light. As he turned his head to get a better look at her, his arms tightened around her subconsciously. With her, he'd never needed his own sleeping space. Never once had he tried the "hug and roll" maneuver Ross had taught him. In fact, he figured he probably wouldn't be able to sleep without her in his arms. He hoped he'd never know for sure. They hadn't been apart since the night before their wedding, and he hadn't slept at all that night.  
He glanced at the clock and wished he could stay in bed with her all day. Instead, he groaned and rolled onto his side, pulling her all the way into her arms, and placed a kiss against her hair. "Mon? Sweetie?"  
She stretched in her sleep, and reached up a hand to tousle his hair as she started to wake up. She opened her eyes, then smiled and closed them again as she whispered his name. "Chandler." She cuddled closer to him as he kissed her forehead. "It isn't morning, is it?"  
"It is. But you don't have to get up yet. Sleep in for a while. I'll fix breakfast." He untangled himself from her arms, then leaned in to kiss her on the lips before he left their bed. She smiled and kissed back, then settled back under the covers. She watched him leave the bed and pull on his bathrobe. He turned to look at her again, and shook his head when he saw her watching him. He went back to the bed for one last kiss, and looked into her eyes. "You're so beautiful in the morning, Monica Bing." She touched his cheek with one hand, then moaned in frustration when he stood up.   
"Do you have to go to work today?"  
"You know I do. Just because you only have to work a few days a week doesn't mean all of us get to live a life of leisure." He smiled as he said it, knowing she would understand the teasing comment and not take it personally. Monica just rolled her eyes, and followed him out of the bed.   
"Where you going? It'll be at least another half hour before Matthew gets up."  
"Doesn't matter. I can't sleep if you're not with me. I might as well take a shower."  
"Well, hate to disappoint you, but I'm about to get in myself. So, you'll just have to wait, my love."  
"Or not." Monica smiled seductively and crossed the room to put her arms around his neck. She kissed him tenderly, then laughed as he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bathroom.   
  
Monica wrapped her bathrobe around her, and pulled Chandler close for another kiss.   
"You get dressed, and I'll start breakfast." Chandler nodded, reluctant to let her go. But, if he didn't get started, he'd be late for sure. A few minutes later, he walked into the kitchen, still buttoning his shirt, and carrying his tie in one hand. Monica was flipping pancakes. He walked up behind her, and slipped his arms around her waist, kissing her softly on her neck.   
"You're so beautiful, honey. I love you." He could feel her facial muscles contract against his lips, and knew she was smiling. She turned in his arms so she was facing him, and kissed him, wrapping her arms firmly around his neck. Without a word, she took his tie and tied it for him, their usual morning ritual.   
"Breakfast is almost ready. Go tell Matthew it's pancakes. That should get him out of the bed fast enough." She smiled, knowing their son shared his father's love of the breakfast food. A few minutes later, Chandler returned with the sleepy two-year-old in his arms. Matthew brightened immediately when he saw his mother in the kitchen, and squirmed out of his father's arms. He ran to his mother and hugged her legs. Monica, in turn, ruffled his hair and gestured to the table.   
"Sit down, sweetie. Breakfast is ready." She rolled her eyes at Chandler as he sat down with Matthew at the table. "I meant the two-year-old sweetie, not you Chandler."   
"But, Mon, it's pancakes!" Monica just rolled her eyes again, and kissed him on the cheek as she put his plate in front of him.   
"Just eat. You'll be late for work if you don't hurry." Chandler glanced at his watch and began to eat hurriedly.   
"You're right." He winked at her. "You're gonna have to stop being so irresistible or I'm going to get fired." He finished his pancakes and coffee quickly, then rose from the table, grabbing his keys from the counter. " 'Bye, Matt. Have a good day at preschool." Chandler gave his son a quick kiss on the forehead. " 'Bye, Mon." His voice softened automatically, as she turned her head for the expected kiss. "I love you." He never left without telling her. If anything happened… The thought made his chest constrict, but if anything happened, he wanted to be sure she knew, each day, how much she meant to him. Her soft "I love you too" was what got him through the day.   
She put her arms around his neck, and lifted her lips to his. He loved her kisses. He wanted to linger, to kiss her again, but instead he headed for the door, calling "I love you" to Matthew, and blowing kisses back to him. He turned for one last look at his wife, who was bending over Matthew, helping him cut his pancake. He'd carry that picture with him all day.  
  
Monica handed Matthew his book bag, then hurried him out the door and to the car. She would drop him off at school, then have coffee with Rachel before heading to the restaurant. She didn't like working lunches as much as she had enjoyed the dinner shift, but spending the evenings with her family was more important. They didn't really need the money, but Chandler had never even suggested she quit. She knew he understood how much she loved her job, and that meant a lot to her.  
"Here we are." She pulled up outside Matthew's preschool, and parked the car. Gathering up her son and his things, she made the familiar trip into the school and down the hall to Matthew's classroom. With a quick "good morning" to his teacher, she kissed him. "Have a good day, sweetie. I love you."  
"Bye Mama!" Monica watched Matthew greet his teacher and his classmates that had already arrived, then smiled and left. She and Chandler had taken a lot of time choosing a school for Matthew, and they both agreed this had been the right decision. Matthew loved his school, and the Bings had no complaints.   
A few minutes later, she was pulling up in front of the apartment building Ross and Rachel had moved to shortly after they were married. Rachel answered her knock, and hugged her as she welcomed her in.   
"Hey Mon! You want some coffee?"  
Monica smiled at her, then nodded. "Yeah, that'd be nice. I only have a few minutes though. Where's Jackson?"  
Rachel smiled at the mention of her son. "He's still sleeping. We had a rough night last night. Ross was ready to call your mother and tell her to come get her grandson so we could get some sleep."  
"Yeah, like Ross would ever let that boy out of his sight."  
"I know. He's so protective! I hope he grows out of it."  
"Ross or Jackson?"  
"Ross! Jack's just being a baby. Ross, however, is being a little bit too much of a father, if you know what I mean."  
"That's so funny. I think Chandler's "daddy" side is the sexiest thing about him."  
"I didn't say it wasn't sexy." Rachel gave Monica a knowing look. "And, believe me, there's nothing I like better than watching Ross with Jackson. But, I don't remember him being so overly protective with Ben. Maybe I just see it more now that it's my baby too."  
"Of course you do. And, believe me, Rach, adding a baby to the relationship changes everything. Nothing between you and Ross will ever be the same again." Monica laughed at the look on Rachel's face. "But - and I'm telling you the truth, Rachel - you won't want to change a thing. It just makes everything you had with Ross before even better."  
"It already is." Monica smiled and went to hug her friend. Jackson had only been a member of the Geller family for a couple of months, and Monica knew that the changes had only just begun. She remembered how she had felt when Matthew had been born. Once you looked into that tiny face, nothing in the world could ever be the same again. Rachel measured grounds into the coffee pot and turned to Monica.  
"Why don't you go look in on your nephew while I get this ready?"  
Monica nodded her agreement, and walked down the hall. She walked quietly into Jackson's room, and gazed down at her nephew sleeping in the crib. He looked so much like Ross, but every time she looked at him, she saw Rachel, too.   
"Hey, Jack." She resisted the urge to pick him up, knowing it would wake him. She smiled as she remembered the hours of debate that had gone into his name. Monica's father had been teasing when he suggested that Ross and Rachel name the baby after him, but they had decided to take him seriously. Rachel had insisted on Jackson, which fit the boy perfectly, but Rachel herself called him by his nickname - Jack - more than anyone else.   
Monica looked down at the baby for a few minutes, then turned to go. Jack slept on. Luckily, his sleeping habits were his father's. Rachel woke up at the drop of the hat.   
"He's so beautiful, Rach. He looks a lot like Matt did when he was born."  
"I've noticed. Those boys definitely got the Geller genes, huh?"  
"Yeah." They sat at the table with their coffee, talking like they used to. Monica was glad they got to have this time together in the mornings. As much as she loved her family and her life with Chandler, she missed Rachel. They'd been roommates for years…and even when Chandler had moved in, Rachel had just been across the hall. But when Ross and Rachel moved after the wedding, it had become harder to spend time together regularly. It just wasn't like it used to be. Which reminded her…  
"Rach, have you heard from Phoebe?"   
Rachel's eyes widened as she thought about it. "Nooo…not since the last time she called. I told you about that one. Have you?"  
"No, I haven't either. Joey called yesterday, but Chandler talked to him. I wasn't there. Everything seems to be okay."  
"I really miss them." Rachel looked a little weepy, and Monica understood. She missed Joey and Phoebe, too. Chandler had hated to see Joey go, but knew that he really had no choice. The job offer in L.A. had been perfect for Joey. It was a career move he couldn't pass up. And Phoebe had gone with him, unwilling to be separated from her fiancé. Still, they wished they could see them more often. It was hard for all of them not to share in Joey and Phoebe's wedding plans.   
Monica glanced at her watch, and prepared to take her leave. "Thanks for the coffee, Rachel."  
"You're welcome. I'm just glad we get these little chances to talk. Since Jackson was born..." She left the thought hanging and shrugged. Monica could finish the thought. It was hard to keep up with old friends when your family took so much time and effort.  
"We'll have dinner this week, okay? Check with Ross and see what night is good for you guys, and I'll talk to Chandler."  
"Sounds great."  
"Bye Rach."  
"Bye Mon."  
  
  
"Chandler!" Monica was calling his name even before the door was open all the way. "Honey? I'm home."  
He walked out of their bedroom, hands in his pockets, a smile on his face.  
"Hey beautiful." He walked over to her, took her coat from her shoulders, laid it on the couch, then turned back and kissed her. "I missed you. You know I hate it when you aren't here when I get home."  
"I know. I miss you too. But at least it isn't every night." She leaned against him, enjoying the comfort of his arms, then raised her face for a long kiss. "Matt already asleep?"  
"Yeah. I just finished reading to him. He was out like a light. Seems he had a busy day at school."  
"Really? I wish I'd been here to hear about it." Her voice was wistful. She didn't like missing the stories of the day. Chandler knew it, and pulled her back into his arms.   
"He'll tell you tomorrow, baby. I promise. He won't forget the excitement in a night."  
She nodded her head against his chest, and hugged him a little tighter. She had thought she would get used to being away from him all day, but she still missed him as much as she had when they were newlyweds. Chandler hugged her back, and stroked her hair, letting it sift through his fingers.   
"How was your day, Mon?"  
"It was fine. The usual. The business dinner went well. I got lots of compliments." She smiled up at him, and he couldn't help smiling back.   
"Can you blame them? I mean, I know the food had to be good, but I'd use any excuse I could just to see the cook."   
"You would, would you?"  
"Of course I would. But, I'm lucky. I don't need excuses." He was suddenly serious. "I'm so lucky."  
Monica turned her head so she could look up into his eyes. Her heart always beat a little faster when he looked at her like that, even after all these years. "We're both lucky, Chandler. Lucky that we found each other. Lucky that we found love."  
"And did we ever." He kissed her, then pulled away quickly, leaving her staring after him.   
"Where are you going?"  
"To fix you a bath." He looked back at her and gave her that smile. "I'll fix you something to eat while you relax. I know you must be tired."  
She looked after him, touched by his consideration. He did sweet things like this every day, but it never lost its charm. Every day, she remembered his words as he proposed, how he promised to spend every day of the rest of his life trying to make her as happy as she had made him. He had. He did.   
She followed him into the bathroom, and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his back as he prepared the bath water.   
"I love you, Chandler."   
He turned in her arms so he could face her, and wrapped his own arms around her.   
"I love you too, Monica. I love you so much." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, then began unbuttoning her shirt. "Let's get you out of these clothes." He looked down at her, and seeing her suggestive look, started to laugh. "And into the tub, sweetie. Not bed…yet." A moment later, she was submersed in the bubbles, and he was leaning over the tub, kissing her.   
"What would you like for dinner?" He asked. "I'll make anything you want."  
"How 'bout you?" Chandler rolled his eyes at her answer, knowing she was in one of her moods.   
"Don't you think you need real food first, Mon? You've had a long day."  
"Wow, Chandler. You don't turn down sex very often. Should I be concerned?"  
"I wasn't turning anything down, honey. I just want to make sure you have your strength."  
"Well, in that case…" Monica leaned over to him, and began to kiss him as she loosened his tie. "I ate at the restaurant."  
Chandler gave up his objections, and helped her take off his clothes. He joined her in the tub, leaning against the sloping back, with Monica leaning on him, wrapped securely in his arms. They lay there in the warm water for a while, relaxing, enjoying the feel of each other. After a few moments of silence, Chandler spoke softly, his lips against her ear.  
"I'm crazy about you."  
Monica turned to look at him with a smile, and kissed him softly before replying.  
"I'm crazy about you too."  
"I always have been, Monica." She looked at him, wondering where the conversation was going. "I was head over heels long before London."  
Monica stared at him a moment, wondering why she'd never heard this story before.  
"Really?"  
"Really."  
"Why didn't you ever…tell me? Hold on, were you taking lessons from Ross?"   
Chandler smiled, knowing that she was referring to Ross's decade-long crush on Rachel.  
"No, no lessons from Ross. And…I tried to tell you, Mon. You just never listened." For a second, his face revealed the hurt he had felt the many times she hadn't taken him seriously.  
"Oh, sweetie. I didn't know…"  
"Well, considering the number of times I offered to be your boyfriend, have a baby with you, etc, I would have thought you would have some idea. But, you didn't. You just never looked at me like that. And that was okay. I just kept loving you."   
She kissed him suddenly, passionately, hoping to erase his hurt at her rejections all those years ago. When they broke the kiss, Chandler continued, his lips so close to her cheek she could feel them move as he spoke. "But then, I got my chance. London took me by surprise, Mon, but I never looked back. I thought you'd tell me it was a mistake. I just knew that if I let the walls around my heart fall, it would get broken again. But I couldn't help it. When I held you in my arms that night, while you were asleep, I knew there was no way I could deny it. You were the one. The only one I could ever love. I still don't know how I managed to make you fall in love with me. But I knew it. I knew that night that I'd never love anyone else. I still do. No one could ever love you more than I do. I'll love you always."  
"And I'll love you always. Chandler…I'm sorry it took me so long to notice what was right there in front of me all along. But all that matters now is that I did. You are everything in the world I could want. Sometimes I can't believe that I never saw it…But once I did, I never looked back either. After London…There was no past. All I could see was my future, and just like I told you on our wedding day, I only wanted to spend it with you." She kissed him tenderly, brushing her hand across his cheek as he smiled back at her.   
They stayed there for several minutes, concentrating on each other, before Monica sat up and began to get out of the tub. Chandler joined her, and wrapped a large fluffy towel around her. Monica shook her head, and opened the towel back up, inviting him to join her. When he did, she wrapped it around the two of them, pulling him even closer to her. Chandler could read the love in her eyes, and responded with a deep kiss. He'd never thought he could love anyone like this, but he was glad he'd been wrong. Monica was everything in the world he could ever want, and he intended to make sure she felt the same way about him.  
  
Monica woke first the next morning, and had one of her rare opportunities to watch her husband sleep. She propped herself up on one elbow, and watched his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. She traced his lips softly with one finger, and smiled at the thought of those lips on hers. She was so lucky to have him, and she knew it. Their life together was everything she had ever wanted, and she knew that he felt the same way. They had a good life, they had Matthew, and they had each other. There was nothing more they could ask for.  
She kissed him gently, trying to wake him so they could share the early morning hours. He shifted slightly, but didn't wake up. Monica leaned over then and began to whisper in his ear. A moment later, his eyes flew open and he grabbed her in a bear hug, rolling over on top of her.  
"You do, do you?"  
Monica laughed and reached to pull him down for a kiss. "I knew that would get you going."  
Chandler smiled and kissed her. "Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up to you in the morning, Mon?"  
"I do." Monica pulled him all the way on top of her, and looked up into his blue eyes. "Because I wake up to you every morning. And it's the most wonderful feeling in the world."  
"Mmmm…" Chandler closed his eyes and laid his head against her shoulder, gently kissing the line of her neck. "I love you, sweetheart."  
"I love you."   
"Now, what are we going to do now that we're both up so early?"  
Monica's only response was a soft smile and a kiss.  
  
Chandler's usual round of kisses and "love you"s was more hurried than usual. He hadn't even stopped for breakfast, but he waved off Monica's worry by saying he'd eat something at the office. He kissed his son, reminding him to be good for their mother, grabbed his keys and was out the door. Before the door even clicked shut, he was back to pull Monica into his arms and let his eyes make his apology. He couldn't believe he had almost left without kissing her goodbye. Instead of the usual peck, he gave her a long, tender kiss and held her for a moment before releasing her.  
"I love you, Monica."  
He barely heard her "I love you, too" as he rushed back out the door, but he turned with a final smile to acknowledge it. Monica watched the door shut behind him, and turned back to Matthew, unable to hide her smile.   
  
Monica dropped Matthew off at school as usual, then ran by Rachel's to pick up Jackson for the day. Since Monica had the day off from the restaurant, she had agreed to watch her nephew while Rachel went in to take care of a few things at work. Though she was still on leave, the place couldn't seem to run without her. Rachel had promised she wouldn't be long, but Monica enjoyed the thought of a day with Jack. It seemed like such a long time since she had had an infant to care for.  
She had just fed them lunch and put them down for naps when the phone rang. She picked it up quickly, before it disturbed Jackson.  
"Hello?"  
"Hello. May I speak with Mrs. Bing, please?"  
"I'm Monica Bing."  
"Mrs. Bing, this is Jay Campbell from the University Hospital. Your husband was brought in a few minutes ago. He was in a car accident -"  
"Oh, my God. Chandler! Is he…Is he…"  
"He seems to be just fine, Mrs. Bing. He has a few cuts and bruises, and it appears he has a concussion, but nothing serious. We just wanted to let you know. He's been asking for you."  
"Oh, thank God he's okay. I'll be right there."  
"No hurry, Mrs. Bing. He's in good hands. We don't need you to get hurt trying to get here too quickly."   
Monica wondered distractedly if that was the standard speech when they called family members to tell them someone was in the hospital.  
"Tell him I'll be right there."  
"I will. Drive carefully."  
"Of course."  
She hung up the phone and stared at it, distracted. She looked around the room, trying to locate her keys, when she realized that her nephew was still sleeping in the next room. And Matthew needed to be picked up from school in a little while. She would have to call Rachel at work.  
Rachel answered, worry already in her voice.   
"Mon, what is it? Is Jackson okay? Are you okay?"  
"We're both fine, Rachel. Calm down. But I need you to come over here immediately. Chandler's been in an accident. I don't want to take Jackson to the hospital with me."  
"Oh, God. Monica - Is he okay?"  
"They said he's fine. He has a concussion, some cuts. But I'm going to be with him. Can you come pick up Jackson? And will you pick Matt up in a couple of hours?"  
"Of course I will. I'll be right there, Mon."  
"Thanks, Rach. Bye."  
Monica hung up the phone, and began pacing the floor, waiting on Rachel. She hoped she would hurry. All Monica could think about was being at Chandler's side.  
  
About half an hour later, she was ushered into his room, where he lay quietly in the hospital bed, eyes open, staring out the window. Monica went to his side and took his hand. He turned quickly to look at her, and his eyes softened when he saw the worried expression on his face.   
"Hey beautiful."  
"Oh, Chandler…" She started to cry. Chandler lifted his arms to pull her head down onto his shoulder, and began to smooth her hair, trying to comfort her.  
"Shhh. Mon, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm okay. Just a little bump on the head."  
"I know." She tried to get control of herself. "They told me. I just - You don't know how badly it scared me when I got that call."  
"Oh, sweetie. C'mere." She leaned into his arms, and held him tightly as he kissed her face.   
"You know what's been running through my head all day, Mon? How close I came to leaving this morning without kissing you goodbye. All I've been able to think about was how you would feel if…"  
She looked at him silently, his words striking home. She could have lost him. So easily. And he was worried because he had almost left her without giving her one last kiss.  
"But you did. Besides, I know you love me sweetheart. You don't have to kiss me every morning for me to see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch…"  
"I know, Monica. But, still, it's so important to me that you hear me say it, every day. I can't say it enough. I love you more than you can ever know. But I'm still gonna try my best to tell you, every day of my life."  
"Oh, baby. I love you, too." She leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, then gently on the lips. Chandler pulled her onto the bed with him, and lifted the blanket so she could cuddle up to him. Feeling his arms around her calmed her down, and she could feel her tenseness gradually disappear. Chandler continued stroking her back until her body was completely relaxed. He knew how she must have felt. Just the thought of anything happening to Monica made his heart stop and his stomach twist into knots.   
"Oh, Monica. How I love you." He kissed her on the temple and pulled her closer. He wanted to tell her how he worried about her every day, but knew that he couldn't raise all her anxiety again.   
"Where're Matthew and Jackson? Did you bring them with you?"  
"No. I left Jack with Rachel. She was going to pick Matthew up from school, too."  
"That's good. They don't need to be hanging out up here, anyway. Though I have to admit, I can't wait to hold my son." He smiled slightly, knowing Monica would understand.  
"So, why are we waiting? You look fine to me. Can't we check out?"  
"The doctors want me to wait until they check my head CT. They want to make sure it's only a mild concussion, nothing serious."  
"Well, how long's that going to take?"  
"Not sure. I don't think it will be too much longer."  
"Okay, I'll wait with you. Let me call Rachel and give her an update." Monica reached for the phone on the table beside Chandler's bed and dialed their number. The answering machine picked up, and she realized Rachel had probably gone to pick up Matthew from school. She left a quick message for Rachel, telling her what was going on and that they would be home as soon as possible, hoping Rachel would think to check the messages. Just as she was hanging up the phone, a doctor came in with a chart in his hand.  
"Mr. Bing. Is this Mrs. Bing?"  
"Yes. Dr. Randall, my wife Monica."  
"Hello, Monica." He reached out to shake her hand, but he didn't smile. Monica's heart jumped into her throat. She didn't like the look on his face. "Won't you have a seat?"  
She sat down on the edge of Chandler's bed, and reached for his hand, hers already shaking. A quick glance at his face told her that he had noticed the doctor's serious face, and was probably as concerned as she was.  
"Dr. Randall? Everything okay? I mean, it was only a concussion, right?"  
The doctor sighed, and pulled a chair up to the bed. "Yes, Chandler. It was only a concussion. But the scan revealed something else. It seems that you…You have a brain tumor."  
"WHAT?" Chandler almost jumped right out of the bed. Monica sat still, shocked, almost forgetting to breath. "What did you just say?"  
The doctor pulled out a x-ray film, and held it up so they could see. Pointing at a small, dark area on the left side of the scan, he repeated his words. "You have a brain tumor, Chandler. There it is, right there." He paused, and looked at them both before continuing. "It looks like it's in the early stages. Truthfully, this accident could be the best thing that could have happened. You wouldn't have shown any symptoms for months. But, it can grow quickly. We need to examine you and see if the tumor is operable. If it is, we need to get it out before it spreads."  
Chandler and Monica were both in shock. Without knowing what she was doing, Monica lowered her body so that she was lying next to him, hugging him tightly. The doctor went on, explaining things that they couldn't understand, concepts they couldn't process. All they could do was hold onto each other, hoping they would wake up, praying that this was nothing but a nightmare.   
  



	2. Chapter Two

TOW The Bings (Part Two)  
  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them. Song Lyrics are from Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask For More".  
  
  
"Monica? Mon…Sweetie, wake up." She turned her head toward the sound of her voice, and spoke without opening her eyes.  
"Chandler…I just had the most horrible dream." She reached a hand towards him, slowly waking up. "You were in an accident."  
"Monica, it wasn't a dream." The stoic sound of his voice jerked her all the way awake, and she realized with horror that she was lying in a hospital bed with him. Sitting straight up, she stared at him, reading the truth in his face. "It wasn't a dream, Monica. This is really happening."  
She just stared at him in disbelief. "It can't be, Chandler. It can't be happening to us."  
"It is, Mon. It is." His voice sounded resigned. The note of despair in his voice wakened her fighting nature.   
"No, it's not. We're not going to let it happen. You hear me, Chandler? It's not going to happen to us. You - we - are going to beat this. You are not going to -" She stopped, unable to say that last word. First the first time, she realized exactly what could happen. "No. I won't let you."  
He was crying. Her strong, confident, loving husband had tears streaming down his face. She kissed them away from his face, and pulled his head down onto her chest, holding him as he had so often held her. "Shhh. Chandler, sweetie, please don't. Everything will be okay. It has to be okay."  
"I don't know what to do, Monica. What about Matthew? What about you? What will you do if something happens to me?"   
"Nothing's going to happen, sweetie. You're the one that has always said that our love is so strong that it can overcome anything. I'm gonna love you through this. I'm going to love you so much you won't have any choice but to get rid of this…thing…that's come into our lives all of the sudden. And didn't you hear the doctor? It's in the early stages. The accident was the best thing that could have happened. You'll probably just have a simple operation and this will be all over."  
She knew it wasn't true. Even if the operation was successful, he would still have to go through chemotherapy, just to be sure. But they'd deal with that then.  
She could feel his head nodding against her. She pulled back so that she could look into his eyes, trying to tell him that she would love him, that she'd give him strength when his was gone. And she could read the fear in his, and then, slowly, the determination that he would beat it. She smiled when she saw the desperation fade, and stroked his cheek with one hand.  
"I love you, Chandler Bing. And I've got no intention of going through my life without you. Not if I can help it."  
  
Rachel was sitting on the couch with Matthew, reading to him, when Chandler and Monica got home. At the sound of the door, they both turned, and Matthew jumped up and ran straight into his father's arms.  
"Daddy!"  
"Hey Matt. How's my boy?"  
"I'm fine. Are you okay? Auntie Rachel said you had an accident."  
Chandler leaned his head against his son's and held him tightly.   
"I did have an accident, sweetie. But Daddy's home now. You don't need to worry, okay?"  
"Okay. Do you want to see my picture?"  
Monica broke in, brushing Matthew's hair out of his face as she spoke.   
"Daddy and I would love to see your picture, sweetie, but then it will be time for bed, okay?"  
He didn't argue as she expected, but jumped down from Chandler's arms and went to get the picture. After his parents had oohed and ahhed sufficiently over the unrecognizable picture of "Central Park", Matthew was changed into pajamas and put to bed. They stifled his complaints of "no story" by telling him that Aunt Rachel had just read to him. Finally, he was content to settle down and sleep, even though it was much earlier than his usual bedtime. As soon as Chandler and Monica walked back into the living room, Rachel wanted to know what was going on.  
"Why did you come in here with those long faces? Matthew's been scared to death all afternoon. I thought you'd be all cheerful, trying to convince him nothing was wrong. God, you two scared me."  
"Rachel." Monica's somber voice stopped Rachel's tirade, and she looked at her, surprised. "Call Ross. We need to talk to both of you."  
"He's…on the way. I asked him to come get Jackson in case it took you guys a while to get here. What in the world is wrong? Chandler, you weren't hurt in the wreck were you?"  
"Not exactly." Before Rachel could question them further, there was a brief knock and Ross walked in.  
"Hey! You guys are back. You okay, Chandler? I hear you gave Mon a scare."  
"Sit down, Ross. We need to talk to you." Ross looked at his sister's serious face and froze.   
"Oh God. What is it?"  
"Just…sit down." Ross sat down next to his wife and put an arm around her shoulders. Both of them stared back at Chandler and Monica, anxiety on their faces.  
Monica put her arms around Chandler's waist, and willed him strength to tell their best friends the truth. He squeezed her arms, and she knew that he felt her support. Monica began to speak, not knowing if Chandler would be able to get the words out. She wasn't all that sure she could, even if it was Ross and Rachel.  
"Well, today, while Chandler was in the hospital, they did a CAT scan. Just to make sure the concussion wasn't too serious. And it wasn't…but there was something else. The doctors said…The doctors said..." She couldn't say the words. She broke down crying, and buried her face in Chandler's shoulder. Chandler wanted to hold her, hug her, and kiss her until she regained control, but he knew that Ross and Rachel were growing more frightened by the minute. He had to tell them. He couldn't prolong their anxiety.  
"I have a brain tumor." He couldn't wait for the shock to register on their faces. He didn't want to see the fear in their eyes, because that would mean he would have to face his own fear. And he had to stay strong. "I have a brain tumor. It's actually not too bad - yet. It will get worse of course. But, luckily, the accident helped them catch it before it got much further. If I hadn't been in the car accident, the doctor said I might not have shown symptoms for…months. They're going to see if it's operable. If it is, they'll cut it out. I'll have some chemo and hopefully that will be the end of it. If it's not operable, then I'll have extensive chemo. Months of it. I'll be in and out of the hospital, getting treatments for weeks…" His voice trailed off as he finally looked up at his friends, who weren't listening to his recitation anyway. Ross was staring at them, speechless, and Rachel was sitting still, hands over her face, tears running down her face. Chandler turned his attention to Monica, who was still crying against his shirt. He stroked her hair, trying to hold his own tears in check, hoping she would calm down. He didn't want to take the chance of Matthew hearing his mother crying and alarming him.  
"Please…say something." Chandler's pleading tone was not something they were used to hearing. Ross and Rachel looked up at him, and Monica lifted her head to look at Ross and Rachel expectantly. Ross reached for Rachel's hand, and then spoke falteringly.  
"I don't…What is there to say? This is terrible; it can't be happening…You guys already know that. I guess the only thing that Rachel and I can say is 'What can we do?' Please, tell us anything that we can do to help you. We'll do anything." Rachel nodded in agreement, her eyes on Monica. Chandler was amazingly in control. She didn't know how he was doing it. But Monica… Rachel couldn't help wondering what Monica would do if…   
"Well, there is something else that we would like to discuss with you." Chandler's voice was back to normal. He led Monica over to the armchair, and pulled her onto his lap, holding her tightly. He knew that this was hard for her. Harder in many ways than it was for him. He could fight. He was the one suffering. She just had to stand by and watch. He knew he would much rather endure the pain and misery than to have to watch her go through it.   
"Monica and I talked about some things before we left the hospital. The most important thing was Matthew, of course. If this turns into a long ordeal, and we have to deal with the fact that there is a good possibility it will, then there are going to be lots of times when I won't be here…for days on end. And Monica will be with me at the hospital." Chandler stopped and tried to force a smile. "All of us know that not even Matthew will be able to keep her here for long when I'm there. Anyway, we wanted to ask you if you would kind of take care of him, while we're away. We might even be taking some trips to other medical facilities, and he'll need a place to stay…"  
"Of course." Ross broke in quickly, not wanting Chandler to feel like he had to go on explaining. "You don't even have to ask us that. Matthew is our nephew, and we would love to have him over. Neither of you ever need to worry about Matt being cared for, you understand?"  
"We know. And you don't know how much we appreciate that." Chandler stopped, and looked at Monica, who nodded. After a moment, he went on.  
"We also want to ask you something else. We know that only one of us is sick here, and we hope even that is only for a short time. But the truth is, something can happen anytime - to me, to Monica, or to both of us. I think it's safe to say that all of us realized today that everything can change in an instant. And if anything should ever happen, and Matthew is left without a parent…Monica and I have decided that we want you to take Matthew, if you will. And please, feel free to say no. You have Jackson, and we understand that taking on another child is a big responsibility. But there is no one else we would rather have raise our son - if we can't - than the two of you."  
Ross glanced at Rachel, already knowing what her eyes would tell him. Without hesitation, Rachel answered for both of them. "Of course we'll take care of Matthew. Don't ever worry about that. We would be honored to consider him one of our own."  
Monica breathed a sigh of relief, and left Chandler long enough to hug her brother and sister-in-law. "Thank you. You don't know how much it means to us."   
After a few moments of hugging and crying, Ross stood and reached for Rachel's hand. "I'm not trying to run out on you. If you want us to stay, just say the word and we'll stay all night. But I think maybe you need some time alone to…just be together. Deal with this without us here."  
Chandler nodded, knowing he was right. As much as they loved their friends and counted on them for support, there wasn't much more they could do. He and Monica had to come to terms with what was happening on their own.   
"Yeah. I think you're right. But thank you so much for being here. And for…everything."  
"Do you want us to take Matthew with us?" Rachel looked at Chandler for the answer. Ironically, Monica was the one that didn't seem capable of handling much at the moment.  
"No…No. He'll be fine. I think I might need to just - watch him sleep for a long time tonight, you know?"  
Ross nodded, kissed his sister and hugged Chandler, then went into the extra room to retrieve his sleeping son. Jackson slept peacefully, unaware of the trauma that the people in his world were experiencing. Rachel hugged each of them goodbye, then followed Ross out of the apartment. As she closed the door, she looked back to see them holding each other, shoulders shaking with sobs. She closed the door without a word, then allowed her own sobs to shake her body as Ross wrapped her in his arms and cried along with her.   
  
Chandler wasn't sure how long they stood there crying in each other's arms. He only knew that when Monica finally pulled away from him, he felt better. It had been hard to tell Ross and Rachel. By saying the words out loud to someone else, he felt that they became true. Seeing the look on his friends' faces hit him hard. He had finally realized just what he and Monica were facing.  
"Monica." He spoke softly, sensing she probably didn't want to talk yet, but also knowing they had to. "Mon, look at me, please."  
She turned her face upward, reluctantly, and tried to keep the tears out of her eyes. She didn't know how he was staying so calm. She admired that about him. At least one of them was able to keep their sanity. She would have to get back to normal soon, too. Matthew would know something was wrong, and they wanted to keep him as oblivious as possible, at least for a while.  
Chandler looked down at her and smiled sadly. "We've got to talk about some things. Are you ready to do that?"  
Monica looked at him silently, then nodded slowly. Yes, there were things they needed to talk about. So many things. But she had the feeling the things he wanted to talk about weren't the same things she wanted to talk about. She just wanted to hold him, to tell him how much she loved him, and to talk about their future, Matthew's future, and what their lives would be like. But all that had changed. So suddenly, their dreams for their lives and for their son had been frozen in time, and they had to live out this nightmare before they could resume them.  
"Yes, I'm ready." He kissed her softly, then sat down on the couch, pulling her onto his lap.   
"Well, first of all, we need to call Joey and Phoebe. They need to know. Not only will we need them for support, but the wedding will be right in the middle of treatment."  
"Oh, no. Do you think they'll change it?"  
"I don't know. I don't want them to feel like they have to. I mean, I can't stand the thought of not being there to see my best friends get married…but I hate for them to rearrange things for my sake."  
"Our sake. I won't be there either, if you aren't. You know that."  
"But, Mon, you're the maid of honor."  
"And you're the Best Man."  
Chandler nodded, conceding the point. "I guess we should go ahead and call, huh?"  
Monica nodded and glanced at her watch. "It's still early enough in L.A."  
Chandler took a deep breath and dialed his best friend's number. Monica held his hand tightly, knowing this would be even harder for him than telling Ross and Rachel. They didn't turn on the speaker phone. Monica knew that Chandler wanted to tell them himself, almost privately.  
"Hey, Phoebs?…Yeah, it's me. Listen, is Joey there? … Would you put him on the other phone please? We have something to tell you. … No, Monica's not pregnant again. Neither is Rachel. Please, Phoebe, just get Joey." He paused, and looked at Monica, who leaned in to kiss him softly. He tightened his grip on her hand as he heard Joey pick up the phone.  
"Hey, Joe. It's me. Listen, I have something important to tell you two. It's really hard for me to say, so please, don't interrupt. I was in an accident today, and while I was at the hospital, they did a head scan to check me out. It turns out that…I have a brain tumor."  
Monica squeezed Chandler's hand and they looked at each other as they waited for their friends' reactions. She was close enough to hear that silence reigned on the other end of the line. After a long moment, Joey finally spoke.  
"A brain tumor? Chandler, are you serious?"  
"I'm serious."  
Monica could hear Phoebe start to cry, and then could hear the tears in Joey's voice as he began to talk again, some senseless babble she couldn't quite make out about how this couldn't be happening to his best friend. Chandler let him talk for a moment, then interrupted.  
"Hold on, Joe. Just listen for a minute. Actually, things look pretty good…considering. Because of the accident, they caught it earlier. The doctors are studying it now, trying to decide if they can just remove it. If they can't, I'll have chemo. It's pretty simple, really." Again, Monica was amazed at how calm her husband was. She knew it had to be because Joey was losing it, and Chandler had to bring him back to the present. Chandler hit the speaker phone button, so they could both hear Joey and Phoebe.   
"That simple, Chandler? C'mon, even I know enough not to believe that." He paused, then went on with a new note of fear in his voice. "How's Monica taking this?"  
Monica cleared her throat and answered for herself. "I'm taking it hard, Joey, but you and I both know that no one's going to let Chandler…" She still couldn't say it. "We're gonna get him through this, right?"  
"Monica, if there's anything we can do, please tell us. I know we're not there, but we'll fly in, we'll come and stay for awhile if you need us to."  
"Phoebe, that's not necessary. We don't even know yet just what is going to happen. Besides, we have Ross and Rachel here. You two just concentrate on your wedding. We promise, we'll let you know if we need you to come here."  
"We don't mind, Mon. You know we want to be there."   
"We know you do. But the two of you have lives there that you need to attend to. Chandler and I both know that you'll be with us in your hearts."  
"Always, Mon. Always." Joey's voice was as soft as she had ever heard it, and she knew he was hurting for his best friend. She loved both of them for their concern, but as much as they needed their friends, they couldn't ask Joey and Phoebe to lay aside their lives so they could come watch Chandler get better.  
"Hey, guys, there's one more thing we need to talk about. Um…the wedding…Well, Chandler and I aren't sure…It might…Well…"  
"Whoa, Mon. Stop. We know what you're trying to say. We understand, really. And we don't want you to worry about it."  
"We might not be able to come, Joey."  
"I know. And that's fine. We understand, believe me. You two just need to concentrate on getting my best friend better, okay?"  
"Joe, you have no idea how bad I'll feel if I miss your day."  
"I know, Chandler. But it's okay. Really."  
"If we can come…you know we will if there's any way."  
"We know. And, Mon, we don't expect you to come if Chandler can't. Both of us know it will be too hard for you to leave him. Maybe we'll just put the wedding off until you can both make it."  
"No, Phoebe. We don't want you to do that. We know how much you've put into this wedding, and we don't want you guys to have to wait."  
"Chandler, we don't mind. But if you don't want us to, we won't."  
"Thanks, guys. We're so sorry to do this, but thank you so much for understanding."  
"What are friends for? Now, listen, if you need us for anything, don't hesitate. We'll be on the next flight if you just say the word."  
"We know. Listen, we'll talk to you guys later, okay? We need to call Chandler's mom and my parents, too."  
A few minutes later, Chandler hung up the phone, having made all the necessary phone calls, glad they were out of the way. He rose wearily from the couch, and pulled Monica into his arms, holding her tightly.  
"I love you, Mon. I love you so much."  
She pulled back so that she could look into his blue eyes, and tried to smile. "I know you do, honey. And I love you too, so very much."  
He held her for a long time, slowly rocking her back and forth. Finally, he led her into the bedroom and closed the door, turning to look at her. She sat on the bed, and looked back at him, her big blue eyes shadowed with doubt and fear. He went to her and kissed her gently on the forehead, then slowly went to the closet and removed his jacket and tie. Monica realized that he was preparing for bed and went to exchange her own clothes for a satin nightgown. Chandler gazed at her as she began brushing her hair as she always did, knowing that from now on, nothing would ever be the same. On the outside, they looked normal. They were going through their nightly routine as though nothing had changed. But it had. Their lives couldn't ever be the same again.   
A few moments later, Monica slid into bed with him, and rested her head against his chest. Neither of them said anything for a long time. Chandler stroked her hair, staring at the ceiling, wondering how their story would end. With all his heart, he hoped it would be a happy ending. Even if he didn't deserve a happy ending, Monica did.   
Monica was trying not to think about how it would end. Instead, she lay there, with her head on her husband's shoulder, her hand on his chest, and his soft breath against her face. She couldn't imagine any feeling in the world that was better than this. She wasn't willing to give up the security she felt at that moment. She didn't want to ever have to fall asleep without his arms around her.  
"Monica?" His soft whisper startled her, and she turned her head so she could see his face. His eyes were sad, but just as filled with love as they had ever been. She raised herself up on one elbow to look at him, then leaned in to softly kiss him. When she pulled back again, he was holding her hand, caressing it gently.  
"Monica, I need you. I need to…feel alive again."  
She understood. She needed to make him feel alive. With a slight smile, she leaned in to kiss him again, harder. He responded eagerly, pulling her on top of him with strong arms. Monica pulled away from him for a moment, gazing down into his eyes, and tracing every feature of his face with her fingertips. Chandler closed his eyes, and concentrated on the sensation of her touch. Her fingers lingered on his lips, and he kissed them softly, opening his eyes so that he could look into hers.  
"I love you, Mon. Always have. Always will."  
She didn't answer out loud. He could read her response in her eyes. Instead, she leaned in to kiss him again, her arms going around him to pull him as close to her as possible.   
  
Monica awoke a few hours later and reached for Chandler. Panic seized her when he wasn't there, until full consciousness came to her and she decided he must be in either the bathroom or the kitchen. She lay for a moment, longing for the comfort of his arms, and his kisses on her hair. Then, deciding she didn't want to wait on him to come back, she went in search of him.  
She found him sitting in the dark in Matthew's room, watching his son sleep. Monica watched him from the doorway for several minutes, tears filling her eyes as she watched him. He didn't notice her until she put her arms around him and sat down in the chair with him. He glanced at her quickly, then reached a hand to take one of hers. Neither of them said anything for awhile, as they both looked at Matthew, sleeping peacefully, unaware of the presence of his parents, or the developments of the day. Monica leaned her head against her husband's, kissing him softly on the temple, and stroking his face with her free hand. After what seemed like hours, Chandler broke the silence.  
"Isn't he beautiful?"  
Monica nodded, brushing a kiss against Chandler's cheek. "Yeah, he's beautiful."  
"It's so amazing, Monica. I thought…I really thought that I could go through life and never need anyone. I thought it might even be…better…that way. But I was so wrong." He looked at her steadily for a moment, then pulled her all the way onto his lap, wrapping his arms securely around her and kissing her on the cheek. "I can't imagine any feeling that is better than what I'm feeing right now. Holding you…and watching our son sleep with you." He leaned his head against hers with a sigh. "You know, he's the best part of me. The very best of me, put into this whole new person. And he's you…how can I help but love someone that is so much like you?" Monica smiled and touched his face gently, knowing that he had more to say.  
"That's how much I love you, Monica. Matthew is how much I love you. If you ever…If you ever need to remember…If I'm not here to tell you, just look at him. He is the epitome of what you are to me. In Matthew, you and I really have become one. And every time you look at him, know - you have to know - that my love for you is never-ending. It will live forever in him. I will live forever in him. Please, Monica." His voice broke as he turned her to look at him. "Please remember. No matter what happens, remember how very, very much I love you. How much I love Matthew. Promise me…that you'll remember."  
She tried to keep from sobbing as she wiped the tears from his face. She didn't want to wake Matthew. Instead, she promised him softly that she would remember. After a few moments, she rose from the chair, softly kissed Matthew's blonde head, and left the room. Chandler remained for a moment before kissing their son, and following her out of the room.   
Monica was sitting on the edge of their bed, head in hands, her long, dark hair hiding her face from him. Chandler paused in the doorway to look at her, then slowly walked over to her and sat down beside her, pulling her head onto his shoulder and hugging her tightly.  
"Shh…sweetie, don't cry. I didn't mean to…I just wanted…I didn't want to upset you. I just needed you to know what I see when I look at him. I need you to see it too, in case…"  
Monica was sobbing openly now. It took her several minutes to get control, but she was finally able to look up at him without sobs shaking her again. "Chandler, you can't…die. You can't. I can't live without you! I just can't…"  
"Monica. Mon. You can. You have to! Think about that precious little boy that is sleeping in there, unaware that his daddy is so sick. I know how you feel. If it were you, I'd…Well, I don't think I could bear it either. I can't even imagine…But Matthew is the reason. Honey, he's the best reason in the world to keep living."  
"I know…"  
"Besides, I have no intentions of leaving you to raise him alone. Look at me, Mon. If I have any say in it, you and I are going to live a long, blissfully happy life together with Matthew…and our other children. But we both need to face the possibility that…Life might have other plans for us."  
Monica nodded her head against his shoulder, a little relieved to hear him say that he thought he could get better.   
"And I promise, Mon. No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. Always. I'm right here." He paused and placed his hand over her heart. "No matter what, I'll always be in your heart."  
She looked up at him and gave him a tiny smile, then reached over to lay her own hand on his chest. "And I'm right here. I'll always love you, no matter what. Always, Chandler."  
He lay back down on the bed and pulled her against him. He played with her hair absentmindedly as he stroked her back and tried to relax her into sleep. Gradually, her breath slowed and her hand on his chest relaxed. Relieved that she was getting some much-needed rest, he tried to relax, too. But all he could think about was how it felt to have her sleeping in his arms. He prayed that this would all be over soon…that she would never have to fall asleep without his arms around her.  
  
Chandler woke early the next morning. He had slept fitfully during the night, well aware that his appointment this morning was going to change his life - their lives - forever. He leaned over Monica, kissing her gently, trying to ease her into consciousness. He remembered her waking him, only yesterday, with love and happiness on her face. How things had changed in a few short hours…  
After several tender kisses, her eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him, and his heart did flips, like it always did when she looked at him like that. He smiled back and kissed her again, whispering a soft "Good morning" against her hair.  
Monica pulled him back under the covers, and cuddled up to him, enjoying the feel of his body against hers.   
"Let's just lay here for awhile, please Chandler? I just want to feel you next to me."  
Chandler was happy to oblige. He pulled her close, facing him, and she moved her right leg over his, bringing them even closer. Together, they lay there for several long minutes, their faces close enough to kiss without moving their heads. This was what she loved the best. Laying with him, looking at him, breathing with him. She stared into his eyes, and was relieved to see none of the desperation of the day before. He looked at peace. And to Chandler, Monica looked as if the day held nothing different than any other day. Her eyes were shining, telling him that she loved him. He was glad that she had ceased crying. Now, her eyes held only love and determination, not sadness. The night had been good for them.  
After a few moments, Chandler stirred, knowing they had to get going, or they would be late for the appointment.   
"C'mon, Mon. We have to get Matthew up and ready, then you and I have some things to get out of the way."  
Monica nodded, knowing he was right. She wanted to stay there with him for longer, but she knew they couldn't avoid what the day held.   
"Okay. I'll get in the shower. Do you want breakfast?"  
Chandler shook his head. "Not right now. I think I'd rather…join you. That okay?"  
Monica smiled and nodded. She understood. She didn't want to be separated from him either.   
  
"You sure don't act like you're sick," Monica stated as she wrapped her robe around herself and reached for Chandler. He smiled sheepishly, kissing her cheek.   
"Well…I can't help it. You're just so beautiful…" He trailed off, mesmerized by the glow in her eyes.   
"Why don't you go get Matthew up and dressed, while I call Rachel and tell her we're on the way over."  
"Okay." He was struck by how normal it was. With a little imagination, one could think that yesterday never happened. He only wished they could pretend…  
"Matthew? Wake up, son. Time to go to Aunt Rachel's and Uncle Ross's."  
Matthew woke easily, and blinked his eyes at his father, fighting off sleep.  
"Hi Daddy!"  
"Good morning, son. Time to get up, okay? Mommy and Daddy are going to take you to stay with Aunt Rachel for a little while today."  
As always, Matthew was agreeable. Chandler dressed him quickly, then led him to the kitchen, where Monica was making eggs and toast, still clad in her bathrobe.   
"Good morning, sweetheart. Do you want milk or juice?"  
Matthew thought for a moment before answering that he wanted milk, and sat at the table while Chandler went to get dressed. Monica was just sitting Matthew's breakfast on the table when Chandler came back into the room, dressed in a suit as usual. He walked up to his wife, and wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair. She turned around and took his tie from him, looping it around his neck and tying it efficiently. He kissed her quickly on the cheek, and whispered that he loved her before turning his attention back to Matthew, who was used to such displays of affection.  
"So, Matt, what will you do today with Aunt Rachel?"  
"Umm…Probably go shopping if Jackson is awake. That's what Auntie Rachel always wants to do."  
Chandler grinned, and reached over to ruffle his son's blondish hair.   
"You're right, Matthew, that's Aunt Rachel's favorite thing isn't it?"  
Matthew just nodded, his mouth too full to answer.   
"Well, your mom and I will miss you today."  
"I'll miss you too." So far, Matthew hadn't questioned their activities for the day. He had no reason to - He spent plenty of time with Ross and Rachel. Monica and Chandler had decided not to tell Matthew what was going on just yet. He was too young to understand, and he would just get scared.  
A little while later, Chandler and Monica had left Matthew with Rachel, who smiled at them bravely and bid them a cheerful goodbye for Matthew's sake. They continued on to the hospital, where Chandler was going to have several more brain scans, and then a long talk with a team of doctors as they determined what path they should take. Chandler could sense Monica's nervousness and reached over to hold her hand as he drove. She squeezed it gratefully, knowing he was trying to give her support for what they were about to go through.   
They pulled into the hospital parking lot, and sat for a minute, bracing themselves for the coming ordeal. Chandler finally looked at Monica, and leaned in for a soft kiss.  
"No matter what they say in there…You and I know that they can't tell us there's no hope. There's always hope. Okay, Monica? There is hope."  
She nodded silently, then kissed him one more time before they got out of the car. Chandler locked the doors, then reached for her hand as they walked toward the hospital entrance.  
  
A few hours later, they headed for home, exhausted. The doctors had decided that an operation was the answer, but they wanted to shrink the tumor with two weeks of chemotherapy first. That would reduce the probability of complications during surgery - such as attachment to nerves or blood vessels. Depending on the outcome of the surgery, that could be the end. If there was concern following the operation, he would have a few more weeks of chemotherapy, hopefully wiping out any chance of a relapse. Because of the dosage they were going to give Chandler, they had asked him to stay in the hospital the entire time he was being treated, instead of receiving the treatments and going home. Chandler and Monica had absorbed it all, not really knowing what it meant except that the doctors thought they could beat it. They both knew that the coming weeks of chemo were going to be rough on both of them, especially Chandler. The fact that they had wanted to keep Chandler in the hospital said it all. However, they were just relieved that their hopes had been strengthened, not destroyed, by the prognosis.   
They called Rachel from the car, and asked her to bring Matthew home for them. She was anxious for news, and Chandler told her simply that things looked good. He would tell her more when she brought Matthew home. Right then, all he wanted was to be in his own house, with his wife and son. This would be his last night there for a while. He would be going to the hospital tomorrow to start his chemotherapy prior to surgery. After that, there would be surgery, and a recovery period as they monitored him for a relapse. Everything seemed to be moving so fast, but the doctors had wanted him to check in as soon as possible. He didn't complain. The sooner it started, the sooner this nightmare would be over.  
  
Chandler closed the book he was reading to Matthew and leaned to kiss his sleeping son as the forehead as he pulled the blankets closer to his chin.   
"Goodnight, Matthew. Daddy loves you…so much." He kissed him again, and retreated to the chair he and Monica had shared the night before. He stayed there for a few minutes, wondering how Matthew was going to cope with having an absentee father for a while. He and Monica had tried to explain it to Matthew, but he had just responded with confused looks and questions. Finally, Chandler had kissed him and told him that no matter where Daddy was, he would be thinking about him and loving him. They hoped Matt would understand better after he had visited Chandler in the hospital.  
Chandler exited the room, and walked slowly into his own bedroom. Monica, who had her back to him, was lighting several candles around the room. Chandler smiled, and crossed to her, taking her into his arms and kissing her cheek.   
"I love you, Monica."  
She turned, and he could see that she was trying to hide her tears. She had wanted more time to prepare for his leaving, but tonight was all they had.   
"I love you, too." She kissed him passionately, then pulled away from him in spite of his efforts to hold her there. She walked to the small stereo system in their room, and hit a button. She came back to him and wrapped her arms around him as he recognized the song.  
"Dance with me. And listen to the words, 'cause this is exactly what I want to tell you tonight."  
He obliged, pulling her close and leaning his forehead against hers as they both closed their eyes. This song had been their first dance as man and wife. As the song played, Monica started whispering the words to him, and after the first verse, he whispered them along with her, knowing that the words held their promises to each other.  
  
Lying here with you, listening to the rain  
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need  
Everything you are is everything to me  
These are the moments I know Heaven must exist  
These are the moments I know all I need is this  
I have all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
Every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true  
Right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be  
Oh, here with you, here with me…  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've got all I've waited for   
And I could not ask for more  
I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
Every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true  
Right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be  
Here with you, here with me…  
I could not ask for more than the love you give me  
'Cause it's all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more…  
And I could not ask for more…  
  
Chandler smiled as they whispered the last lines to each other. He kissed her gently, then rested his forehead against hers once again.  
"I don't think I've ever loved you more than I do right now…" His soft voice was almost too loud for the moment, but he didn't care. "I love you more each second I'm with you, Monica."  
"Me too." She was unwilling to leave his arms for even a second. All too soon, he would be spending his days in a cold hospital room. "I can't stand the thought of falling asleep without you, baby. I want you to hold me every second tonight, to make up for the nights that you won't sleep in this room with me."  
"There's nothing else I would rather do, sweetheart." He leaned down to kiss her, then lifted her into his arms and laid her gently on the bed. As they continued to kiss, he knew the words of the song were right. Even if he died tomorrow, it was worth it. He had all he'd waited for…and he could not ask for more.  
  
They didn't sleep that night. They alternated between making love and lying in each other's arms, whispering words of love to each other, trying to convince themselves that this wouldn't be the last night they spent at home together. When morning came, they showered together and helped each other get dressed. Matthew was wakened, dressed, and given breakfast. He was going to come to the hospital when Chandler checked in, in hopes that it would give him some understanding of where his father was. Ross and Rachel had agreed to pick him up later, to give Monica and Chandler some time alone. Monica would pick up Matthew and return home in time to tuck him into his own bed. They had agreed that at least the first few nights, she needed to stay at home with their son. They didn't want him to lose two parents at once, though both of them knew that the nights apart would be difficult.  
Matthew asked lots of questions while they were at the hospital, but finally settled down, and was almost somber. Chandler and Monica realized that he was probably grasping the situation, as much as an almost-three-year-old could. When Ross and Rachel arrived to pick him up, Chandler couldn't keep the tears from falling. He hugged Matthew tightly, and told him over and over how much he loved him. Matthew, who had been told that his father would come home soon, was unable to understand why Chandler was crying, but willingly hugged him back, telling him that he loved him too. Monica choked back her own tears and kissed her son, too, sending him with Rachel. She was alone with Chandler, something she had both looked forward to and dreaded all day. Chandler smiled at her, then patted the bed beside him.  
"Come join me, sweetie." She glanced at him and then climbed apprehensively into the bed with him.  
"Sure this is allowed?"  
"Who cares?" He pulled her close to him, and she sighed as she laid her head against his chest, where she could hear his heart beating.  
"I love you, Chandler."  
"I know." He kissed her softly. "And I know that you know how much I love you. And I do. More than I can ever tell you, Mon."  
"It's funny…Right now, I can't remember a time when I didn't love you. Or any time in our marriage when I wasn't completely happy and at peace."  
"I feel the same way. I mean, I know we've had our moments. But compared to the love and happiness I've had with you, everything else is trivial."  
"It's going to be so hard to fall asleep tonight without you."  
"I know." He pulled her closer. "It's going to be hard for me too."  
"I can't believe this is happening. But, at the same time, I just want it to be over so I can have my husband back."  
"I want you to have your husband back too."  
Monica turned her head so she could kiss him lightly on the lips, then settled back into his arms.  
  
Chandler woke up, realizing immediately that they had inadvertently fallen asleep in each other's arms. He glanced at the clock, and realized that Monica would have to leave soon in order to pick up Matthew and get him ready for bed. He lay there and looked at her for a few moments, wondering why he had been so blessed. Her beautiful face was peaceful as she laid there, her fingers intertwined with his, her hair scattered across his chest. He wanted to just watch her sleep forever, but he knew she needed to go. He brushed her lips with his fingers, then kissed her gently. She woke immediately.  
"Chandler, where.." She looked around her, noting her surroundings, and sank back down against him.   
"Sweetie, I would love to keep you here all night, but it's about time to pick up Matthew. I'm sure he's been asking Rachel where you are for hours."  
Monica sighed, knowing he was right, but still unwilling to leave Chandler's side. She slowly got out of the bed, and leaned back over to kiss him, trying to keep from crying.  
"Good night, sweetheart. I'll be back to visit you tomorrow as soon as I can, okay?"  
"Okay. Mon…I love you."  
"I love you."  
She kissed him again, lingering there with her lips against his, then sighed and reluctantly pulled away. She looked back at him one last time before she left the room, and he gave her a smile. She smiled back, then left him alone.  
Chandler watched her go, trying to keep control of himself. Then he picked up the phone. He hoped he could keep the tears out of his voice long enough to leave her a message. 


	3. Chapter Three

TOW The Bings (Part Three)  
  
Disclaimer: Well, I'll take credit for Matthew and Jackson, but none of the rest are mine.  
*Song Lyrics are from "I'm Already There" by Lonestar...  
  
  
Monica entered the apartment with an exhausted Matthew in her arms. She noticed that the answering machine was flashing, but decided to ignore it until Matthew was in the bed. It didn't take long to get him into pajamas, and to read him a short story. Before she knew it, he was sound asleep.  
She went into her room to change into one of Chandler's t-shirts, then returned to the kitchen to grab a soda and listen to the messages. She sat down with a Diet Coke and hit the play button. A second later, Chandler's voice filled the room, singing:  
  
He called her on the phone,   
Said I really miss you darlin'  
Don't worry about me here, I'll be all right.  
Wish I was in your arms  
Lying right there beside you  
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight  
And I'll gently kiss your lips  
Touch you with my fingertips   
So turn out the light, and close your eyes  
I'm already there  
Don't make a sound  
I'm the beat in your heart  
I'm the moonlight shining down  
I'm the whisper in the wind  
And I'll be there till the end  
Can you feel the love that we share?  
I'm already there  
We may be a thousand miles apart  
But I'll be with you wherever you are  
I'm already there  
Take a look around  
I'm the sunshine in your hair  
I'm the shadow on the ground  
I'm the whisper in the wind  
And I'll be there till the end  
Can you feel the love that we share?  
Oh, I'm already there.  
Oh, I'm already there.  
  
She knew the song well. It was a song that had been popular around the time they got married. He had changed a few words, but she got the meaning loud and clear. She smiled and played it again, closing her eyes and imagining him next to her as she listened to him sing to her again.  
  
Monica reached for him immediately when she woke up the next morning. She jerked all the way awake when he wasn't there, and sank back against her pillow, trying to keep from crying. It had been even harder than she'd imagined going to sleep without him. She had finally cried herself into oblivion, but it had been a fitful sleep. All she could think about was getting to the hospital to see him. Today, they would start the chemotherapy, and she wanted to be there to support him. Both were wary of leaving Matthew with Rachel again, but promised themselves that Monica would spend more time with him after today. Both Monica and Chandler knew she needed to be with Chandler today.  
Monica dressed hurriedly, eager to be at her husband's side. She left Matthew sleeping. Rachel had agreed to bring Jackson to the Bings' today, to give Matthew some semblance of normalcy. At least he would be able to spend the day in his own home.  
Just as Monica was tying her hair back out of her face, she heard the familiar knock on the door. Rachel didn't wait to be invited in, but let herself in with her own key to the house. She greeted Monica quietly, and went to lay the sleeping Jackson down in the bedroom set up for the purpose. When she returned to the kitchen, Monica was forcing down half a bagel and some orange juice.   
"How ya doing, sweetie?"  
Monica looked up at her, tears in her eyes. Rachel went to her and hugged her, not knowing what to say or do. Monica sniffed back her tears, and pulled back, smiling bravely.   
"I'm okay. I have to be okay. Chandler needs me. That's all that matters."  
"Mon, it might help if you talk about it. I know that Chandler is the one that's sick here, but you're suffering just as much."  
Monica looked at her, knowing she was right, but afraid that if she admitted how scared she was, then it would become real. And as long as she managed to hold on to the faint hope that it was all a dream, she thought she might be able to function. But she had no secrets from Rachel. Her best friend knew her far too well. Monica looked away, and walked over to the couch, sitting down and looking up at Rachel.  
"You have no idea how hard it was for me to lie in that bed last night without him. I-it's the worst night I've ever spent. And the hardest thing is, I know it's just the beginning of nights without him. And…Rachel, there's always a chance that I might never fall asleep with him next to me again."  
Rachel rushed over to her, putting her arms around her friend and crying with her. "I know, Mon. I know. I can't even imagine how much you're hurting right now. Chandler's one of my closest friends and I think I can't bear it…but you're his wife. I'm so, so sorry that you guys are having to go through this."  
Monica hugged her back, and grabbed a tissue, drying her eyes. She wanted to look normal when she got to the hospital.  
"He's so wonderful, Rach. I can't lose him. I just don't think I could take it."  
"Neither do I. So, we just have to make sure he beats this."  
Monica nodded slowly, then went to get her keys from the counter.  
"Thanks for staying with Matthew. Chandler and I are both so glad that we don't need to worry about him. We know he's in good hands. And we can't tell you how much we appreciate it."  
"I know you do. And I'm happy to do it. You know I love that kid. And I love you and Chandler."  
"We know. We're lucky to have you, Rach. Thank you."  
Monica hugged her one last time, then went to kiss her sleeping son before leaving for the hospital. Rachel stared after her, wondering what was in store for them.  
  
"Hey, sweetie."   
At the sound of Monica's soft voice, Chandler opened his eyes and smiled up at her.  
"Hey, beautiful." He reached up to touch her face, relieved to find no trace of tears. "I missed you last night."  
"I missed you too, baby. I got your message."   
"Did you? Hope my horrible singing didn't make you laugh too hard."  
"It was beautiful. I loved it. And you were right. You're always with me. Thank you for reminding me of that."  
He smiled softly at her, brushing a piece of hair away from her face as she leaned to kiss him.  
"How'd Matthew do?"  
"He's fine. He was already asleep when I picked him up, and never really woke up."  
"Good. Poor guy, I hope he gets through this okay."  
"He will. He's his father's son. He can get through anything."  
"If we're talking about being strong, then I think we have to say he's his mother's son. That's where he gets his strength, Mon. You're the strongest person I know."  
Monica smiled slightly, then leaned over to kiss him on the forehead.  
"I know." They both smiled. "So, how are you doing?"  
Chandler reached for her hand, and looked down at their entwined fingers before he answered.  
"I'm,um…I - I'm scared to death, Mon." It was a relief just to say it. And he knew that she would understand. Of all people, Monica was the one person he should be able to admit this to. "I'm so worried that it won't work. I'm worried about you. About Matthew. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be scared…to go through this, even to die. But I can't bear the thought of leaving you. I'm starting to wonder…" He broke off, looking up into her eyes in confusion. She read his eyes, and knew that he was afraid to say what he was thinking.  
"What is it, Chandler? What are you wondering?" She thought she knew. And she didn't want to hear him say it. But she knew that if he didn't, it would always linger in both of their minds.  
"Monica…I'm…I'm starting to wonder if you would have been better off if London had never happened."  
That's what she'd thought he would say. She looked into his eyes for a moment, trying to hide the hurt she felt at his statement. After all, she knew what he meant. But it still hurt.  
"Chandler, I want you to listen to me. And hear every word. I know what you mean by that. And I don't care. I don't care about any of this. Even if I have to live a life without you, I will never regret London. I will never regret having the chance to fall in love with my best friend, to marry him and have his child. I would not trade one second of any day I had with you to spare myself this experience now. I would only do that if I had the chance to spare you this. It hurts me for you to think that I would be better off if I had never fallen for you, because we both know that's not true. You are the love of my life. And nothing will ever change that. Not even death. Okay, sweetheart? I love you. And no matter what we go through, I won't regret one second, as long as you love me back."  
"Mon…sweetie, I do love you. And I wouldn't trade even one glance at you for a guarantee of a long, bright future without you. I didn't really mean that. I just…I just wish I wasn't putting you and Matthew through this."  
"I know, Chandler. But you have to understand that we love you. More than anything. And you're not "putting us through this". This wasn't a choice you made. Besides, we go through everything together. The three of us."  
He pulled her down so he could kiss her. Just as she pulled back, Chandler's specialist, Dr. Gillespie, entered the room.  
"Hello Chandler, Monica. Are we ready to get started here?" His voice sounded falsely cheerful. He knew they didn't want to do this, but he didn't want to sound somber and forced when he entered the room. It was always harder to see a young couple go through this. Especially when he knew they had a small child.  
Monica looked at Chandler and squeezed his hand, hoping he would feel her love and that it would give him strength. She moved to the other side of his bed, and continued to hold his hand as the nurses fixed the IV and Dr. Gillespie explained what would happen. Then, after asking Chandler if he was ready, he opened the valve on the IV and the drugs began to drip down the tube in Chandler's arm.   
Dr. Gillespie watched them both carefully for a moment. Chandler was pale, but Monica was even paler. The doctor was worried about her. But she was stronger than she looked, and soon her color had returned to her face. She leaned in to kiss the ashen-faced Chandler on the forehead, and squeezed his hand.  
"See, honey?" he voice was soft and soothing. "That was nothing. You're going to be just fine. You'll be home with me and Matthew in no time."  
Dr. Gillespie couldn't help but smile at Monica's words. She was the best medicine Chandler could have. He could tell that she was going to be strong for him, and that was what Chandler needed the most. He left the room quietly, giving the couple their privacy.  
  
When Monica left to go home to Matthew, she was relieved that Chandler seemed normal. He hadn't yet been sick, and he was able to smile at her, which was all she felt she could ask for. His face still blanched every time he caught sight of the needle in his arm, but so did hers. She was glad to know that she would be able to leave him without feeling guilty. So, with a gentle kiss, they exchanged their "I love you's" and Monica reluctantly bid him goodbye. Chandler watched her go, feeling that a part of him died each time she did. He hated watching her leave, knowing she was going home to their son while he was left behind. And he hated the thought of her crying herself to sleep alone in their bed. He turned his head to look at the picture sitting on the table beside his bed. It was a recent picture. Rachel had taken it in Central Park when they had taken Jackson and Matthew for a picnic. Chandler was holding Matthew and had his arm around Monica. Matthew was looking at the camera, but Chandler and Monica were looking at each other. Rachel had captured a special moment between them in the picture, and he and Monica had treasured it.   
Beside the picture of his family rested a picture from Chandler and Monica's wedding, and a picture taken of the gang the day before Joey and Pheobe had flown to L.A., the same day Ross and Rachel had announced her pregnancy. They were sitting on the couch in Central Perk, girls on the guys' lap, everyone smiling and happy. Chandler looked at the picture and smiled, knowing how much the support of their friends was helping him through this. He wouldn't admit it, but he desperately wanted Joey to be there. He would never ask him to come, of course, but just hearing his best friend's voice would mean everything to him. And Phoebe…Next to Monica, she was the best at making him feel better. Just the thought of her plucking at his grey aura made him smile. Just as he was thinking this, there was a knock on the door and Ross opened it quietly.  
"Hey, man. How ya doing?"  
"Ross! Hey. I'm umm…I'm okay. What are you doing here?"  
"Mon asked me to stop by. She thought you might like to see someone other than her. And she didn't want you to be alone. So, since she had to take Matthew home, I thought I'd stop by for a while and keep you company."  
Of course she would know that he dreaded the thought of being alone. He smiled as a wave of love for his wife washed over him.   
"Thanks, Ross. Monica was right of course."  
"So what you were smiling about when I walked in?"  
Chandler smiled again. Ross was relieved to see him in such a good mood.   
"I was just thinking about Joey and Phoebe…and how Phoebe would be complaining about my aura if she were here."  
Ross smiled at the thought.  
"You miss them, don't you?"  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I really do."  
"We all do." They were both quiet for a minute as they thought about the pair that was missing, that kept their lives from being really complete. Finally Ross shook himself, and changed the subject.  
"I have something for you. It's from Matthew actually. He said to tell you that he loves you." Ross reached into his jacket and pulled out a sheet of paper with one of Matt's unintelligible drawings on it. Chandler took it and looked at it a moment, trying to hide the tears that thoughts of his son brought to his eyes.  
"He said it was a picture of you and Monica. Something about how you kiss every morning before you leave for work. He was really proud of it."  
Chandler gazed at the picture silently for a few minutes, then turned to place it on the table beside him.   
"Tomorrow, I'll have a nurse bring me some tape so I can hang it up."  
Ross nodded in understanding. He remembered well how he had treasured all of the pictures Ben had drawn for him. He still had all of them.  
"Well man, I gotta get going. I promised Rachel I wouldn't be late. But tomorrow, she's going to take Jackson over to your place and stay with Mon, and I'll sleep up here. We don't like for you to be alone."  
"Thank you Ross." Chandler leaned over to hug him, thankful that he had such a wonderful and thoughtful friend and brother-in-law. He was well aware that he was already weakening, and would soon dread the thought of being alone even more than he did now. "Kiss Rach and Jackson for me."  
"I will. We'll all stop by tomorrow afternoon, okay?"  
"Okay. See you later."  
"Later."  
Chandler leaned back against the bed and lifted his wedding picture from the table. He looked at it for a long time, then held it against his chest as he closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep.  
  
  
When he woke up the next morning, Chandler crossed off Day One in his head. Just thirteen more, then they could cut this thing out and leave him to his life.  
He started to get up to go to the bathroom, but was hit suddenly by a wave of nausea. He had hoped he would have a few days before the sickness hit, but it looked like he wouldn't be that lucky. He managed to make it to the bathroom, and stayed there, trying to muster enough strength to make it back to the bed. He didn't want to be lying in the bathroom when Monica came by.  
He had just managed to climb back into his bed when she walked in. He saw her worried glance, and realized that he was in a cold sweat from the effort of getting back to his bed. He smiled at her weakly, and lifted a hand to her face as she leaned in to kiss him on the forehead.  
"Hey beautiful."   
"Chandler…sweetie, are you okay?"  
"Let's just say we know the drugs are working…"  
Monica gave him a worried look as she sat down beside him. Chandler kissed the palm of the hand that was still on his cheek, and smiled wanly.   
"Mon, please don't worry. We both know that this is 'supposed' to happen."  
"I know, sweetie. I just hate seeing you suffer. You know I've never been able to stand it."  
"Mon…When this is all over, we'll look back and laugh at how worried we were. And it'll be over soon, baby. Then we'll get back to life as usual, and everything will seem just a bit boring."  
"Life with you is never boring, Chandler." She managed a small smile and leaned over to kiss him on the lips. "Is there anything I can do for you?"  
Chandler leaned back and gazed at her, pretending to be in deep thought. In reality, he was marveling at her beauty. He squeezed her hand, and pulled her down onto the bed next to him.  
"The only thing I need you to do is love me."  
Monica finally smiled a real smile, and leaned her forehead against his, kissing him lightly on the lips. "I do."  
"Good." Chandler smiled too, and kissed her forehead. "I love you too."  
"Speaking of loving you, I have something for you."   
For the first time, Chandler noticed the bag she held in her hand. "You didn't have to bring me anything, Mon. You know all I need is you."  
"I know, sweetie." She smiled and kissed him again. "But this is for when I'm not here - kind of a Chandler survival kit. Just some things to remind you of how much I love you. And there's a few things from Matthew, 'cause he loves you too."  
Chandler grinned as he reached for the bag. He noticed that his hands were shaking and tried to still them before Monica saw it too. In her excitement over her gift, she didn't notice. He smiled at her enthusiasm, and pulled the first item out of the bag. It was a picture of Matthew, obviously taken in the past couple of days. He was asleep on the couch, clutching the stuffed dog Chandler had given him for his last birthday.   
"That's for when you get a little bit lonely, so you can remember how much that little boy loves you, and how much you have to live for."  
Chandler tried to choke back his tears. "I think this is the most beautiful picture I've ever seen."  
Monica stroked his cheek, wiping away the few stubborn tears that ran down his face.   
"I know. He is beautiful, isn't he? He looks like his daddy."  
Chandler swallowed hard and looked into his wife's eyes, reaching up to kiss her softly in response. After setting the picture on the table with the rest, he reached into the bag again. He felt something soft, and pulled it out, wondering what it could be. He smiled when he saw that it was Matthew's favorite blanket, the one he liked to sleep with.  
"That's from Matthew. He said that he wanted Daddy to sleep with his blanket, so he wouldn't be scared by himself."   
This time, Chandler didn't even try to fight the tears. They ran down his face as Monica hugged him, knowing that he was as touched by their son's compassion as she had been. It took Chandler a few moments to regain his composure, but eventually he reached into the bag again. He couldn't hide his shock when he pulled out a rather risqué piece of lacy black lingerie.   
"What exactly am I supposed to do with this, Mon? You trying to tell me something?"  
Monica grinned, as she leaned over and kissed him, whispering in his ear. "That's for when you get home…" Chandler looked up at her, unable to hide his grin.   
"You know that thinking about this is gonna torture me don't you?"  
"Just giving you something to look forward to."  
He grinned and shook his head, pulling her close for a long kiss. "You should be shot."  
"There's more in the bag."  
He resumed his search of the bag with interest, wondering what could possibly be next. He pulled out a CD, and looked at it for a moment before he realized what it was. When he looked back at Monica, she was the one with tears in her eyes.  
"Since I heard you sing that song to me, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. It just seems perfect for us, doesn't it? So, I got you the single. I know you sang it to me first, but I want you to listen to it whenever you're missing me. 'Cause I guarantee I'll be missing you too. And this will remind you that whenever you need me, I'm already there."  
Chandler looked down at the gifts spread across the bed, knowing that she had gone to a lot of effort to make him feel better. He couldn't put into words the gratitude that he felt for her in that moment.  
"I love you, Monica. Every day, I just love you more."  
She leaned down to kiss him softly, her eyes shining as she spoke again.  
"I love you too, honey. But, there's one more surprise that I have for you."  
Chandler started to look into the bag again, but Monica stopped him.  
"This surprise isn't in the bag, Chandler." He looked at her inquiringly, wondering what she had to give him that would make her so excited.  
"Well…what is it?"  
Monica leaned over to kiss him tenderly, then pulled herself all the way onto the bed so that she could lay down next to him.   
"Well…I thought I would wait and tell you later…after the surgery. But I can't keep this from you. You should know…and anyway, I can't wait to see your face."  
"Monica…" She laughed at the impatient sound in his voice.  
"Chandler, I'm the one that's supposed to be impatient!"  
"And you are. But hurry up! What is it?"  
She leaned up on one arm, so that she could look into his eyes, and softly brushed her lips against his.   
"I love you, Chandler Bing. You have made me so happy."  
"Oh, c'mon Mon. That's no surprise! I know that already!"   
She laughed at him again, savoring the moment. "Well, I do love you. And you have made me happy. And, you've also made me a mommy - twice."  
She watched him as comprehension of her words spread over his face - first recognition, then confusion, then understanding. As the smile spread over his face, he pulled her down to him, kissing her urgently.  
"You mean…?"  
"You're going to be a daddy again, sweetheart!"  
"Mon, are you sure?"  
"Just saw the doctor this morning. I'm about five weeks along."  
"Oh, Mon. I can't believe this! This is the greatest gift you could give me."  
"And the greatest gift you could give me."  
Chandler kissed her again. Then suddenly, his expression changed. Monica looked at him, frightened.  
"Chandler? Honey, are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, Mon. And I'm happy, I really am." He looked at her quickly, willing her to believe him. "It's just…What if…?"  
"Chandler, you're going to be fine. Nothing is going to happen to you. We're going to raise this baby together, just like we will watch Matthew grow up together."  
"I hope so, Monica. I hope…" He trailed off as he looked away from her, trying not to think that he might never see his child.   
"That's why I thought about not telling you until this was over. But, Chandler I had to tell you. I wanted you to share in it. I didn't want to have to keep a secret from you."  
"No. No, of course not. Monica, I'm so glad you told me. And sweetie, really. I'm so, so happy. And I love you. Baby, I love you so much. You couldn't give me a better reason to make sure that I beat this."  
"That's what I thought too." Monica was relieved to see the shadows fade from his eyes. She had worried about his reaction, but was glad to see that he had taken it as well as she could have expected.  
Chandler reached a hand down to her stomach, and rubbed it gently.   
"I'm gonna be a daddy."  
Monica grinned and placed her hand over his as she leaned in to kiss him.  
  
Ross and Rachel brought Matthew and Jackson by later that day to visit. Matthew ran into the room and climbed right onto Chandler's bed, hugging his father fiercely.  
"Daddy!"  
"Hey, son!" Chandler hugged Matthew close, kissing the top of his head. "I missed you, Matt."  
"I missed you, Daddy. When ya coming home?"  
Chandler paused and looked at Monica. She smiled, trying to hide her tears. He knew they were both thinking of the first verse of their new song, when the same question was answered with a verse of "I'm Already There". But Matthew would never understand Chandler telling him that he was already there. Instead, he looked back at Matthew, kissing him again as he answered.   
"Soon, son. Daddy has to stay here a couple more weeks to get better. Then I'll come home with you and Mommy."  
"Okay." Matthew didn't look happy with Chandler's answer, but he seemed willing to let Chandler stay if he had to.   
"Matt, we're going to leave you here with your daddy for a few minutes while I go talk to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ross. You take care of him, okay?"  
"I will, Mommy." Monica had to smile at her son's serious face, and kissed him gently on the forehead as she left the room. She caught Chandler's smile, and knew that he realized what she was going to tell Ross and Rachel. She smiled back, and mouthed "I love you" to him as she followed Ross and Rachel out of the room.  
"Matthew's so great. He's really doing well with this, isn't he?"  
Monica nodded, knowing that Rachel was right. They couldn't expect Matthew to handle this any better than he was.  
"Yeah, he is. He's a lot like his daddy."  
Ross smiled and pulled his sister into his arms for a hug. "How are you, Mon?"  
"I'm, um…I'm good, Ross. I'm just ready for this to be over with. But…there's actually something I wanted to tell you."  
"What? There aren't complications are there?" Monica smiled at Rachel's sudden panic.  
"No, nothing like that. This is good news, actually. I'm - pregnant!"  
Rachel stared at her, shocked. "You're what?"  
"I'm pregnant. About five weeks. I just found out this morning."  
"Oh, Mon! That's great. Oh, I'm so happy for you!" Rachel threw her arms around her best friend, hugging her tightly.  
Ross joined the hug, kissing Monica on the cheek. "Mon, this is great news. Have you told Chandler?"  
"Yeah, I told him this morning. I was going to wait…you know, till after the surgery…but I couldn't keep a secret like this from him."  
"Was he happy?" Rachel's voice was a little more somber. She knew that Chandler had every reason to be less than happy about another child, when he was facing death.  
"Yeah, he was happy. He had a moment when he realized…but that passed quickly, and now he's more excited than I am!"  
Rachel started to speak again, but was interrupted by a cry from Jackson. She rushed in to check on her son, and Monica and Ross followed her back into Chandler's room. Chandler looked up at them with a grin, knowing they knew about the baby. Ross and Rachel discreetly grinned back, trying to tell Chandler how happy they were without raising Matthew's curiosity.  
"Have you guys talked to Joey and Phoebs?" Chandler's voice was wistful. Monica glanced questioningly at Rachel and Ross, but they shook their heads.  
"No…I tried to call them yesterday." Rachel sounded a little puzzled. "But nobody answered and they haven't returned the message. I thought that they would call immediately, given the situation, but I haven't heard from them yet."  
Chandler glanced at Monica, and she read the worry in his eyes. She spoke, quickly, hoping to reassure him. "I'm sure they'll call soon. They probably just had a lot to do to get ready for the wedding."  
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." Ross quickly tried to reassure Chandler. "Rachel and I will call again when we get home."  
"Let us know, okay?"  
"Of course we will. But right now, I've gotta get back to the university - I have a staff meeting. I'll be back tonight, okay man?"  
"Okay." Rachel leaned over to kiss Chandler on the cheek. Chandler in turn kissed Jackson, and hugged Matthew one last time.  
"Be good for your Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ross okay? Mommy will be home in time to tuck you in."  
"Okay Daddy."  
"I love you son."  
"And Mommy loves you too," Monica chimed in, kissing Matthew on the forehead. "I'll see you tonight sweetie."  
"Okay. Bye!" Ross and Rachel gave little waves as they walked out, Ross carrying Jackson, and Rachel holding Matthew's hand. As soon as they left the room, Chandler collapsed against his pillow.  
"Chandler?" He tried to smile to ease Monica's worry, but she wasn't convinced.  
"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't want Matthew to worry about me, but I feel terrible."  
"I know." She gently brushed a hand against his forehead. "Do you need me to help you into the bathroom?"  
"I don't think I have the strength. Will you just grab that bin over there? The nurses left it for me."  
Monica did, and brought it back to Chandler. She held his head as he got sick, running her fingers through his hair to try to comfort him. She couldn't help but smile as she thought about all the times he had done the same for her when she had been pregnant with Matthew.   
Chandler finally relaxed and leaned back, his face pale and tired.   
"Thank you for helping me. I'm sorry…"  
"Chandler…there's nothing to be sorry for. That's why I'm here, baby. Besides, I figure I owe you for morning sickness." She sat down on the bed beside him and worriedly stroked his forehead. Nothing hurt her more than seeing him so miserable. And worst of all, she knew it was only going to get worse.  
"I wish I could go through this for you, sweetie. I hate seeing you like this."  
"I'd never let you do it for me and you know it. Besides, you have to stay healthy. You've got my little girl to take care of."  
Monica smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.  
"What makes you think it's a girl?"  
"Well, you got your boy when Matthew was born. Now I think it's my turn to be right."  
"You told me once that you thought we'd have a boy, twin girls, then another boy."  
"Yeah, I remember." He smiled fondly at the memory. "Maybe we will."  
Monica smiled too and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you."  
"I love you too." He kissed her fingers, and lay back, looking up at her contentedly in spite of his aching head and queasy stomach. Then he leaned over and put the cd she had given him into the cd player beside his bed. Music filled the room as he hit the play button.  
"C'mere." Chandler pulled her down into her arms, and Monica happily cuddled up next to him. He held her close, wishing he could dance with her, but content to have her resting beside him. They both closed their eyes and listened to the words. Chandler placed his hand over her heart, trying to tell her that was where he would always be, and Monica nodded silently, understanding.   
  
I'm already there  
Take a look around  
I'm the sunshine in your hair  
I'm the shadow on the ground  
I'm the whisper in the wind  
And I'll be there till the end  
Can you feel the love that we share?  
Oh, I'm already there.  
Oh, I'm already there.  
  
Chandler lay awake in his bed, Ross asleep in the chair next to him. It had become the ritual over the past few days. Monica would leave to take Matthew home, and Ross would come to the hospital for the night. He knew that Monica was afraid to leave him by himself, and he appreciated her concern - and Ross and Rachel's - but he hated making Ross spend the night away from his wife and son. Chandler didn't want to be alone, but he would rather be here by himself than to make his best friend spend the night away from his wife. He knew how hard it was to sleep without Monica by his side, and he didn't want Ross and Rachel to have to go through it too. But, Ross insisted, and Rachel had even called and told him not to worry about it, that she didn't mind. But Chandler still felt guilty for putting his friends through this.  
Chandler turned his head so he could look at the pictures of his family sitting on the table next to his bed. He missed them so much, and this was only his fifth night away from him. He clutched Matthew's blanket closer. He had it with him in the bed at all times. It was his own way of holding on to his son - and his son's mother. As the side effects of the chemotherapy increased, it became harder for him to get through the day without them. Just as he was wishing that Monica was sleeping next to him, he heard the door open. He turned his head, expecting a nurse checking up on him, but Monica stood in the doorway, smiling softly.  
"Hey sweetheart."  
"Mon, what are you doing here?"  
"What do you think?" She came over to his bed, and kissed him softly, then turned to Ross, shaking him gently. Ross woke with a start, and took a moment to orient himself.  
"Mon? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong. But I'm going to stay here tonight. You can go back to our place, and stay with your wife and son."  
"Mon, I'm okay, really."  
"I know. And we appreciate it. But I want to be here with Chandler, and I know you and Rachel want to be together. I was there when Matthew went to sleep, and I'll be back before he wakes up. But for now, I need to be with my husband."  
Ross nodded and stood. "Okay, if you're sure."  
"I'm sure. Rachel doesn't know I left, so explain it to her, okay?"  
"I will. 'Night sis. 'Night Chandler."  
"Goodnight, Ross."  
They watched him leave, then Monica climbed into the bed with Chandler, on the side away from his IV.  
"I couldn't stay away any longer, sweetheart. I just couldn't stand it. I needed to feel you next to me."  
"I did too. I've been laying here for hours, wishing you here. Even listening to the song didn't help." His voice held a joking tone, but Monica knew he was serious.  
"Shhh. Just go to sleep, my love." She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his shoulder. Chandler kissed the side of her head, then relaxed as his arms encircled her.  
"I love you, Mon."  
"I love you too, Chandler. Now get some rest."  
"Yes, ma'am." He smiled, knowing that sleep would no longer be a problem. He kissed her again against her hair, then let himself drift off to sleep.  
  
Monica woke early. She had finally had a good night's sleep with Chandler beside her, but she had promised herself that she would leave in time to be home when Matthew woke up. She didn't want him to be upset that she wasn't there. She glanced at the clock on Chandler's wall and relaxed. She still had fifteen minutes before she needed to leave.  
She turned to her husband, who was sleeping peacefully. She was glad he was getting some quality sleep. Ross had told her that he could hear Chandler tossing and turning all through the night. He was afraid Chandler wasn't sleeping at all. That was one of the reasons Monica had come by. She wanted to make sure Chandler was resting. He needed his strength.  
His face was pale. Though he had only been on the treatment for five days, he had lost weight. His face was thin and haggard. But to her eyes, he looked just as good as he ever had. She knew that he was weak because of the treatment, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw strength.   
She touched his cheek gently with one hand. Chandler sighed and moved his head slightly, so that his cheek rested against her hand. She knew it was subconscious, but she was happy that even in sleep he responded to her touch. She brushed his hair away from his eyes, and let her fingertips glide over his lips. She kissed him softly, then slowly wriggled out of his arms, trying not to wake him. She wanted him to keep sleeping as long as he could. When she was safely out of the bed, she glanced at him, relieved that he had not even moved. She quickly jotted a note on a piece of paper and left it for him on his bedside table. Then she was gone, promising herself that she would be back as soon as she could get Matthew ready.  
  
Chandler woke up suddenly, feeling cold. He knew immediately it was because she was gone. He sighed and rolled over, knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He caught sight of the note folded on the table beside him, and reached for it.  
Good morning, my love. I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I had to get home before Matthew woke up…and you were sleeping so peacefully. I'll be back with Matt in a couple of hours. I love you. Monica  
He wished she had wakened him before she left, but he knew she had wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. He comforted himself with the knowledge that she would be back again soon, and that she was bringing their son with him.  
He closed his eyes, letting his images of Monica and Matthew play against the back of his eyelids. He smiled softly as he imagined himself walking up to them with his new baby girl in his arms. Though he had of course told Monica that he didn't really care whether the baby was a boy or a girl, he really hoped it would be a girl. A little girl that would look and act just like her mother.   
  
"Daddy!" Matthew burst into the room, as exuberant as he usually was when he got to see his father. Chandler's pale, thin face didn't deter him, and he was used to his father having to use what Matthew called "the sick bowl". Chandler was thankful that Matthew didn't draw away from him, but still wished he could be the same father that Matthew was used to.  
Matthew climbed easily onto the bed and showered Chandler with kisses. When he finally calmed down enough to look at Chandler, his smile was even brighter than usual. Leaning in toward Chandler, he whispered confidingly, "We have a surprise for you."  
"A surprise? What kind of surprise?" Chandler smiled at his son, wondering what exactly an almost-three-year-old would classify as a surprise. Matthew turned to look at Monica, and Chandler followed his eyes, unable to stop his smile when he saw her standing in the doorway.  
"A pretty big surprise, darling. But you'll have to wait just a minute while we get it all ready." Monica was excited too, and that awakened Chandler's curiosity even more. "Matthew, come here, we need to get you ready too."  
Matthew ran to Monica, who glanced back at Chandler with a smile, then followed Matthew out of the room. Chandler could hear Rachel's voice, and wondered why she didn't come in to say hello. He didn't have long to wonder. A moment later, Rachel walked into the room wearing her bridesmaid's dress for Joey and Phoebe's wedding. Ross followed her, holding Jackson. Both were wearing tuxes, Jackson's the smallest Chandler had ever seen. Before Chandler could even ask what was going on, Monica walked in, wearing her own dress that matched Rachel's. Matthew was now wearing his own little tux.   
"What in the world is going on? I feel a little underdressed in this hospital gown…" Monica smiled at his attempt at humor, and came over to his bed to kiss him.   
"We can fix that. Do you think you can make it to the bathroom so we can get you changed?" She held up a bag that Chandler assumed held a tux for him.  
"Yeah, I think so. But, Mon-" She quieted him with a finger on his lips. Ross helped her get him out of the bed and into the bathroom, where Monica helped him get into the tux. He had to sit down on the toilet for a minute to catch his breath before nodding to Monica that he was ready to go back. This time, Ross had to practically carry him back to the bed. Chandler hated being so weak. He felt incapable of being a husband and father. But Monica reassured him with a gentle kiss that she didn't feel the same. Just as they were settling Chandler back into the bed, the door opened, and Joey poked his head in.  
"Everybody ready?" He grinned at Chandler, obviously enjoying the surprise. Chandler stared back at him, then looked around him at the people he loved. They had all had a part in it.  
"Joey! What are you doing here?"  
Joey came into the room, with Phoebe close behind him. Joey was, of course, wearing a tux, and Phoebe was wearing the wedding dress Monica and Rachel had spent hours helping her find.  
"Dude, we're here to get married! We couldn't get married in L.A. without you and Monica. So, we brought the wedding to you."  
"Isn't this exciting? Yay us!" Phoebe grinned and started to wave her arms around in her own version of a "Chandler dance" that they had all copied at some point over the years.  
Joey walked over to Chandler's bed and looked at him, his face losing its jovial expression and becoming more serious.  
"How you doin'?" Chandler almost laughed when he heard the all-too-familiar words. But Joey said them with concern, not his usual flirtatious tone.   
"Not so good, Joe. But don't worry. I've only got about 8 more days of this. Then I can have the surgery and go home, where I belong."  
Joey nodded, then leaned over to hug Chandler tightly, careful not to disturb the IV. Then it was Phoebe's turn.   
"We were worried about you, honey. I know you told us not to come, but we had to be here to help take care of you. Besides, we can't have you lying around with a bad aura 'cause you missed the wedding."  
"Thanks Phoebs. You don't know how much that means to me."  
A middle-aged man stuck his head in the door. "I'm looking for Chandler Bing's room? I'm supposed to perform a wedding for Joey Tribbiani and Phoebe Buffay."  
"That's us! I'm Joey, and this is Phoebe. Thank you for doing this on such short notice."  
"It's my pleasure. Are we ready to begin?"  
"I think so." Joey looked around the room, then turned back to the hospital chaplain, taking Phoebe's hand. Ross moved to stand by Rachel, and Monica led Matthew over to stand beside Joey before coming to take her place beside Chandler.  
"Dearly Beloved…" Chandler squeezed Monica's hand as they listened to the familiar words. It seemed like such a short time since Joey had said the same words at their wedding. Monica squeezed back, leaning over to kiss his cheek in response. He knew that she was reliving their day as well.   
In just moments, the preacher had pronounced Joey and Phoebe man and wife, and Joey was kissing his bride. When they finally pulled back, Joey looked around at his friends with a big smile on his face.  
"Dude, I'm married!" Chandler smiled at Joey's exuberant tone.   
"Dude, you so are!" Joey hugged him, smiling happily. "Joe…Thanks for letting me be here."  
Joey grew serious. "I couldn't do it without you. Phoebe and I both knew that our wedding just wouldn't be right if you and Mon weren't there. And, we were coming back to New York on the honeymoon anyway - you know, where it all began. So, it just made sense."  
Joey turned to look at Phoebe, and then hugged to his wife, leaving Chandler with Ross.  
"How long have you guys known they were coming?"  
"Well, Rach and I have known for a couple of days. We just told Monica this morning. We knew she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret."  
"Thanks Ross. This meant a lot to me."  
"Well, Joey's right. They couldn't have gotten married without you any more than Rachel and I could've."  
Chandler watched his friends celebrate, wishing he was able to join in, but happy just because he had been able to witness it. He was too tired to be part of the party anyway. He barely had the energy to be happy for his friends. His gaze turned to Monica, who was smiling happily. She was even more beautiful than she had been on their wedding day. He was glad that she, too, had been able to take a day off from his sickness and enjoy her time with their friends. She looked toward him with a smile, then moved to his side.  
"Brings back memories, doesn't it?" Her voice was soft. He touched her face with one hand, gently brushing a stray hair away from her eyes.  
"Yeah, it does. I was just thinking about how beautiful you were that day…how beautiful you are right now. Could I BE any more in love with you?"  
Monica smiled at the familiar inflection, and gently brushed her lips against his.  
"I know. I feel the same way."  
She lay down on the bed next to him, and he kissed her hair as they watched their friends celebrate the newest marriage. Chandler closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair. Joey looked toward his best friend with a lump in his throat. It was nice to see him happy, in spite of everything. Chandler and Monica had the kind of love that could last through anything.   
Joey took his new wife's hand and motioned toward the Bings, wanting her see the same thing he did. He kissed her cheek, and softly promised her that he would love her like that forever.  
  
Chandler woke up in a cold sweat. With only two days left of chemotherapy, he was feeling worse than he thought possible. He even dreaded Monica's visits, because he couldn't stand the worried look in her eyes when she saw him so miserable. He couldn't keep anything down for more than ten minutes. He was now being fed intravenously. He knew his eyes were red and sunken, and his hands shook constantly. He could barely lift his head to be sick. He thought about Monica constantly, and longed to have her there even more than he longed to spare her the pain of seeing him like this. He hadn't seen Matthew in a few days. As he got worse, he had convinced Monica that it was better if Matthew didn't see his father so sick and weak. He worried, too, about Monica. She didn't need this added stress. It could be dangerous for the baby. But Monica had brushed aside his worries, telling him that she was fine, that the baby was fine, and it would be more stressful to be away from him. Chandler had finally conceded, thankful that he would still have Monica.   
Ross and Rachel visited daily. Chandler could see that Rachel was unnerved, but she didn't let that stop her from visiting him. Chandler was always glad to see them, and was thankful for their support. Joey and Phoebe had left for their honeymoon, but they were due to arrive back in New York tomorrow - the day before Chandler's surgery - so that they could be there with the others while they waited on news.  
Chandler couldn't wait for the scheduled surgery to take place. In his mind, he had convinced himself that the surgery would be the end of it. Of course, he knew that recovery would take several days, and that he would have to take it easy for a while. But he would be home, home with his wife and his son. That was what he wanted more than anything.   
Chandler glanced over at the picture of himself and Monica resting beside him. He missed her. How he missed her. She spent most of every day with him, but it was still so different. He hit the play button on the cd player and listened as the familiar notes filled the room yet again. He listened to their song several times a day. The words comforted him, especially when he was lonesome for her. It was always a relief to know that she was with him, no matter where they were. Each time they spoke on the phone, one of them would whisper the words to the song to the other. Monica would usually cry when the last lines of their verse were spoken -  
Can you feel the love that we share?   
Oh, I'm already there…  
and Chandler would fight back his own tears as he whispered how much he loved her.   
Now, when she left the room to return home to Matthew, they would exchange their "I love you"s and then would say the same phrase, just as she was walking out the door. "I'm already there."  
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door. He turned his head quickly, knowing it was his wife. She smiled and walked quickly to him, kissing him tenderly on the lips.  
"Hey gorgeous." She smiled as she said the words, allowing him to believe she really meant them. Forever insecure, Monica was the only woman who had ever made him feel really attractive. And he loved her for reassuring him even when he knew he looked horrible. He had noticed when she started greeting him like this, instead of her usual "honey" or "sweetie", but had never commented. Now, he listened for the greeting like it was his lifeline. He couldn't wait for this to be over so he could get back to being the man she had fallen in love with and married.  
"Hey beautiful." He looked up into her blue eyes, feeling a sense of calm overtake him. All he needed was the sight of her to make the world seem right again. She was absolutely perfect in his eyes.  
"How are you feeling, sweetie?"  
Chandler sighed and reached for her hand. "You don't wanna know, Mon."  
She looked down at him, and leaned in to kiss him gently. "Of course I do. Through sickness and health, my love. Remember?"  
Chandler smiled and let his hand brush her face. "I remember. And I meant that, Monica. I meant every word I said to you that day."  
"After you finally decided you really wanted to marry me."  
He heard the teasing note in her voice, but it still bothered him a little when she spoke of him running away the night before their wedding. He hated to be reminded of his temporary loss of sanity.  
"How could I not marry you? You're beautiful, passionate, kind, funny, sensitive, supportive…and you put up with me."  
"Ah, is that why you proposed?"  
"Well…that and the fact that I was head over heels for you."  
"Who can blame you?"  
They smiled at each other, both reflecting on the day they had pledged their lives to each other. They gazed at each other in silence for several minutes before Monica spoke.  
"Isn't it amazing? That you can love another person as much as I love you?"  
"Yeah, it's amazing. And even more amazing is the fact that the person you love so much is me."  
"That's not amazing. I'd never love anyone else but you this much."  
"I know. And that amazes me too."  
"Two more days, my darling. Then this will be over, and you can concentrate on getting well again. And we can start planning our future. We've got a big change coming, you know."  
Chandler grinned and reached for her, pulling her down onto the bed next to him, and fighting the dizziness that came with the sudden motion. He let his hand rest against her still-flat stomach, rubbing it gently.  
"I can't wait.   
The door opened quietly and Dr. Gillespie entered the room, smiling when he saw them.  
"Hey, guys. Monica, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to both of you."  
"What is it? Is something wrong?" Chandler's voice was panicked, but he relaxed when the doctor shook his hand.  
"Don't worry. Nothing's wrong. Everything is still set to proceed on schedule. I just wanted to talk to you both about the surgery, what's going to happen, etc. It won't take long. I just want both of you to know what to expect."  
"Of course. We're ready when you are." Monica's voice was anxious. She wanted so desperately for the surgery to happen, believing that would mean the nightmare was over.  
"Well, first of all, we're going to take you off of chemo tomorrow morning. I don't think you'll be complaining about that, will you?"  
"Oh, no." Chandler smiled, happy that he could get rid of the IV that dripped constantly into his system, causing all the symptoms he hated.  
"Didn't think so. That will give you a day to recover a little. Don't expect miracles, but you should be feeling a little less sick by mid-afternoon or so, considering you've been on constant administration since the first day. We want to give you some time to get a little strength back. Monica, you'll be able to see him tomorrow, but we want him to rest. You can stay as long as you want, but try to make him get some sleep, okay? I'd ban you too, but I know good and well Chandler'll rest easier if you're here." He stopped to smile at them, and they looked at each other, knowing the doctor was right. After a moment, Dr. Gillespie continued.   
"On Thursday morning, early, we'll take Chandler to get prepped for surgery. Monica, you won't be able to see him from the time he leaves this room until he is in recovery. Sterile conditions and all that. So you'll need to say your goodbyes either tomorrow night, or very early on Thursday. I know you usually stay with Matthew until he is awake, so I wanted to warn you, in case you aren't here when he goes in on Thursday."  
Monica nodded. "Thanks for telling me. I think I'll leave Matthew with Ross and Rachel tomorrow night so I can be here."  
"That'll be fine. Just so you know the procedure. Anyway, once Chandler is ready, we start. You've met Dr. Callis. He'll be performing the actual surgery, but I'll be assisting. I'll also report to you, Monica, every hour or so, just to keep you updated. The surgery should take about seven hours, depending on the cooperation of the tumor of course. Chandler, you will be under complete anesthesia. Once the operation is complete - successfully, I'm sure - you will be in recovery for probably two to three hours before you wake up, because of the strength of the anesthesia. Monica will be able to stay with you from the time you are brought out of surgery until…Whenever. As soon as you wake up, Matthew, Rachel, whoever, will be able to see you, but only one at a time. Well, Monica can stay with you while Matthew is visiting, given his age and the circumstances. You already know the rest. We want to keep you here for about a week, just to make sure there are no complications, and then you can go home. In six months, we'll check again, just to make sure the tumor isn't forming again. If there are no signs by then, you'll be pretty much home free. We'll do a check-up once a year - probably for the rest of your life - just to be sure."  
Chandler nodded, knowing that his fear of a relapse would probably haunt him forever, but knowing it was something he would just have to deal with. "Anything else, Doc?"  
"No, I think that's about it. We've already discussed the risks and everything else. Do either of you have any questions?"  
Chandler looked up at Monica, who was biting her lip. "Sweetie? Any questions?"  
Monica looked at him, then over at the doctor. "No…No questions. I just get nervous when I hear about it."  
Dr. Gillespie smiled. "No one's blaming you for that, Monica. So, if you don't have anything else to ask me, I'll leave you alone. Chandler, I'll be in tomorrow morning to get you off this IV. Meanwhile, have me paged if you need me."  
Chandler nodded, and squeezed Monica's hand as the doctor left the room.  
"Did you hear that, Mon? This is almost over. We're so close."  
Monica leaned over to rest her forehead against his. "I know, baby. I know. It's so scary, though. I'm afraid that something might happen to you."  
"Well, we know that anything is a possibility, honey, but we have to think positively. Besides, you know…No matter what happens in there tomorrow… Even if the worst comes to pass, I will always be a part of you."  
"I know. It just scares me to think…"  
"Don't think. Just…Let me hold you for awhile, okay?"  
Monica nodded and lay down beside him. Silently, she wrapped her arms around him and cuddled close, resting her head on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. Chandler kissed her softly on top of the head, and stroked her hair as they lay there together, both of them wondering what the next two days would bring.  
  
"Hey man!" Joey entered the room jauntily, holding a bouquet of roses and a large teddy bear.   
"Hey Joe!" Chandler was happy to see his friend, but he did wonder why he was bringing roses and a teddy bear. He didn't question him though, knowing that Joey always explained himself, given time.  
"How are you feeling?" Joey's face was etched with concern. He wasn't sure how to deal with Chandler's sickness, and seeing him lying in a hospital bed always unnerved him.  
"I feel so much better already. The minute they took that needle out this morning, I felt like everything just returned to normal, y'know?"  
"I hear you man. Tomorrow's the surgery. From there, it's all uphill right?"  
"I hope so. God, I hope so."  
Joey set the roses down on top of the t.v., and brought the bear over to Chandler.  
"Phoebe and I got this stuff for you. Sort of as a good luck. But it's not really for you. This," he said, pointing to the bear in his arms, "is for the baby. And I know you want a girl, so we made sure we got one dressed in pink." He grinned as the sat the bear down on Chandler's bed. "So, that can be the first thing you give your daughter when she's born. In the meantime, you can use it."  
"Ah, Joey, that is so great. I know Monica will love it. And you're right…I'm absolutely sure this one will be a girl! But don't be disappointed if I don't sleep with the bear…Mon's staying her tonight and as long as I have her, I never need anything else to hold."  
"No worries, my friend. I hear that." Joey smiled, then motioned toward the roses he had brought in. "And speaking of that beautiful wife of yours, those are for her. I know you always give her roses on special occasions, and tonight seems kind of special in its own way. And since you can't buy them for her, I figured I might as well do it for you."  
"Thanks, Joey. Monica will love those too."  
"I hope so. Anyway, Phoebs and I-" They were interrupted by a quick knock on the door just before Phoebe stuck her head in. Joey grinned and motioned her in.   
"Hey, Chandler!"  
"Hey Phoebs. Thanks for the bear and the roses. I was just telling Joey how much Monica will love them."  
"You're welcome. My grandma visited me last night in a dream and gave me the idea."  
Chandler grinned. Some things would never change. "Well, tell her thank you for us."  
"Oh, I will!" Phoebe grinned characteristically. "We just stopped by for a few minutes, Chandler, just to wish you luck and all. The very thought of them cutting open your head makes me kinda floppy, you know?"  
Chandler smiled weakly. "Yeah, I do know."   
"So, anyway, we're not going to stay long. We know you need your rest. Besides, Ross and Rachel are waiting outside with Matthew, and Monica seems rather anxious to be alone with you."  
"Oh, well thanks for coming by, guys. It really means a lot to know that you're here for me now."  
"We always will be." Joey leaned over and hugged Chandler tightly, fighting away his tears. "I love you man."   
"I love you too, Joey. You're the best friend I ever had. Well, except for Mon, but you know I have to say that."  
"Yeah. I know." Joey grinned feebly as Phoebe leaned down to kiss Chandler on the cheek.   
"I'll be in to clean your aura for you as soon as they'll let me. I know after all that cutting you'll need to get rid of all the pollution."  
"Wouldn't let anybody else do it, Phoebs. Thanks."  
"Love you Chandler."  
"I love you too."   
They exited the room, pausing to look back at Chandler one last time before closing the door.  
The process was repeated with Ross and Rachel, except Rachel cried. Chandler hugged her tightly, trying to reassure her that he would be fine. He made them both promise to take care of Monica while they spent the day in the waiting room, waiting for news, and thanked them for watching Matthew. With hugs and kisses, they were gone, allowing Monica to bring Matthew in to see the father he hadn't seen in about a week. Thankfully, Chandler was feeling slightly better than he had been the past few days. Matthew took the change in Chandler's appearance in stride, and hugged his father without reserve.  
"Daddy, Mommy told me you get to have an op'ration tomorrow. Are you scared?"  
Chandler ran his hand over Matthew's head and kissed his forehead before he answered.  
"Yeah, Matty. I'm a little bit scared. But I know I'll be just fine. I don't want you to worry about me okay? And try to keep Mommy from worrying too."  
"I will, Daddy." Chandler smiled at his son's seriousness, knowing that keeping Monica from worrying was an impossibility.  
"I love you, Matthew. I love you and your mommy more than anything in the world. I want you to remember that, okay son? Daddy will always love you, no matter what."  
"I love you too, Daddy. Will I see you tomorrow?"  
"They might let you see me after the operation, sweetie. We don't know yet. You might already be sleeping by the time I wake up."  
Matthew looked puzzled by the fact that Chandler would be waking up while Matthew was sleeping, but he let it go. Monica came over to the bed, and laid down beside Chandler, Matthew between them. She opened the book she had brought with her. It was Matthew's favorite. They had wanted to read him a bedtime story together, tonight. They read, taking turns, and stopping often to answer Matthew's innocent questions. All too soon, Chandler was closing the book, knowing it was time for him to say goodbye.  
Matthew showered his father with wet kisses, and allowed himself to be held close in his father's arms for several minutes. Monica joined the hug, squeezing Chandler's hand. After the final kisses and goodbyes, Chandler watched as Monica ushered Matthew back out of the room. Ross and Rachel would take him back to their house for the night, and bring him back to the hospital in the morning for the long day of waiting.  
Monica came back after a few minutes, and kissed him on the forehead before she sat down in the chair beside his bed.   
"You look so much better, just after a few hours off that IV."  
"I feel so much better. If we weren't in a hospital, I might even be tempted to take advantage of you tonight." He grinned as he said it, and she smiled back, relief in her eyes as she teased him back.  
"Well, I never thought a hospital bed would stop you…"  
He reached for her hand, and kissed her fingers as he laced his own through them.   
"Look what Joey brought you." He nodded toward the roses, and Monica smiled. "Sounds like Joey."  
"He and Phoebe also brought the teddy bear…for our little girl."  
"Got your heart set on a girl, do you?"  
"I do."  
"Well, then, I do too." Chandler smiled and kissed her.  
"I love you, sweetheart. More than any words could ever say. And I can't thank you enough for being so strong for me. I know that this is just as hard for you as it is for me, but you haven't let it get you down. Mon, you are the strongest peerson I know. And that's just one of the millions of things I love about you."  
"Hmm… Maybe we should talk about some of these millions of things."   
Chandler smiled back at her, and started listing, counting on his fingers as he went. "Well, there's the way you always insist on being right. The way you make me do everything exactly the way you want it done. The way you can't stand not having the last word in any conversation." He paused when Monica hit him lightly on the arm. "What, they're reasons!" He voice softened as he continued. "The look on your face when you tell me you love me. How great you are with Matthew. The smile on your face both times you told me we were going to have a baby together." He stopped and touched her cheek gently. "The way you love me, in spite of everything I do wrong. Your beautiful, beautiful blue eyes that tell me everything I need to know every time I look into them. The feel of your hand in mine, and the way I feel so secure whenever I'm holding it. The smile you give me when you love me so much you just can't express it, just like you're giving me now…" He smiled tenderly and kissed her.   
"I do love you, Chandler. You are my life." Her eyes misted as she looked into his, then leaned in for another kiss. She settled into his arms, content to stay there in silence for the night. She kissed him lightly on the forehead, hoping he would be able to sleep. The next day was going to be a strenuous one - for everyone - but especially Chandler.   
Chandler remained silent, knowing Monica wanted him to get some sleep. Instead, he was thinking about her, and just how much he loved her. He could never explain it to anyone. Even trying to tell Monica was futile. With a slight sigh, he kissed her one more time on the top of her head, and closed his eyes, hoping tomorrow would come quickly, but wanting to stay in the bed with Monica next to him for as long as possible.  
  
Monica woke up the next morning and cast a quick glance at the clock. They had plenty of time left to sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. She turned to look at Chandler and stifled a scream when she saw that his eyes were open too. He grinned and kissed her, pulling her closer to him.  
"Good morning, beautiful. I didn't mean to scare you."  
"That's okay. I just didn't expect you to be awake this early."  
"I couldn't sleep. Nerves, anticipation, whatever… Besides, I'd rather concentrate on you than sleep anyway. We can both sleep while I'm in surgery."  
"Chandler, you really should rest…"  
"Sweetie, I'm serious. Spending the time with you will do me more good than anything else."  
Monica gave him a small smile, trying not to let her anxiety show. "Okay, if you're sure."  
"I am sure." He kissed her lightly, and moved a little closer to her. "There's something I always wanted to know, Mon. And I've never asked, because the time never seemed right. But now it does, so I'm gonna ask."  
She turned her head and smiled at him. "So…ask."  
"Okay, I will." He paused and let his lips brush her hair. "I told you, not so long ago, that I was in love with you a long time before London. What I want to know is…When did you realize that you loved me?" His blue eyes were wide and innocent, and Monica could see that it was a question he wanted an honest answer to. She leaned in to kiss him gently, then reached for his hand as she tried to answer.  
"Hmmm…You know, I don't really know exactly when I fell in love with you. I guess, like you, it was a long process over all the years we were friends. And you were my best friend, Chandler. That just made it that much easier. But, I remember the first time I found myself thinking that I loved you…You remember when Joey figured out that we were dating? It was right after we went away for that weekend, and ended up having that huge fight. And you thought it was over because we had fought."  
Chandler smiled. "I remember."  
"Anyway, it was that weekend that made Joey put two and two together. And we took him into my bedroom, and begged him to keep it a secret. He told us how great he thought it was, and you looked at me and smiled. My heart just stopped. And I knew, right then, that you had stolen my heart, and that I'd never get it back. I was totally, completely in love with my best friend in the world, and I hadn't even seen it coming. Then when I heard you tell Phoebe that you were in love with me - and not denying it like you did on Thanksgiving - the whole world just stopped. That was the greatest moment of my life."  
"And of mine." He kissed her tenderly. "I still love you more than life, Mon."  
"As do I. Satisfactory answer to your question?"  
"Better than satisfactory."  
They were silent for a while, gazing into each other's eyes and gently running their fingers over each other's face. When Chandler spoke again, it was with a low, hesitant voice.  
"Mon…If something happens in there…" She started to speak, but he quieted her with a gentle finger on her lips. "If something happens, I want you to know that I have loved you with every beat of my heart. You mean the world to me, darling. And I will go on loving you, forever. My life became complete when you gave me your heart, and you have made me happy…so very happy…every day that I have been with you. I love Matthew. And I love this baby. I've had everything I ever wanted, Mon, and it's all been a gift from you. You-" His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the tears were gone. "I love you Monica Geller Bing."  
Monica was sobbing. Chandler wrapped his arms around her tightly, and gently kissed away her tears. When she was quiet, he put a finger under her chin, lifting her face and making her look at him.  
"I love you. That's all that matters in the end, Mon. How much I love you. And I have every intention of coming back to you. I just need you to know."  
Monica nodded slowly, looking down for a moment to regain her composure. When she looked up again, Chandler leaned in slowly, and kissed her tenderly. Both got caught up as the kiss deepened. It had been weeks since they had been so passionate. Monica could feel his hands tangle in her hair, pulling her closer. She tightened her arms around him in response. After a long moment, Monica pulled back suddenly, and stared at Chandler for a moment before starting to laugh.  
"Sweetie, as much as I would love to do some more of that…keep in mind, we're in a hospital. And doctors will be coming in and out checking on you any minute."  
Chandler grinned sheepishly and nodded. "You're right. Sorry I got carried away…I just can't help myself sometimes." He gazed at her adoringly, then carefully wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her on the forehead.  
"Trust me, sweetie, you were not the only one that got carried away." Monica took his hand, and lifted it to her lips as she twined her fingers through his. "I love you Chandler. I love you so much it physically hurts sometimes… But it's the best feeling in the world."  
They were interrupted by a short knock on the door, then Dr. Gillespie's cheery "good morning". Knowing it was time, Monica reluctantly hopped out of the bed, and leaned over to whisper to her husband.   
"Sweetie, I'll be in the waiting room the whole time. I'll be right here when you wake up. And don't worry, baby. Everything will be fine. It has to be." She kissed him tenderly, and felt him respond. "I love you."  
"I love you." Chandler's voice was barely audible. Monica tried to smile, wanting to relieve his nervousness, but didn't quite succeed. She felt Dr. Gillespie's eyes, and knew he was anxious to get started.   
"I've got to go, baby. The sooner you get started, the sooner I can come back."  
Chandler nodded, unable to speak because of the tears that were choking him. Monica kissed him one more time, let her hand brush his cheek gently, then slowly walked away from the bed. "I'll see you in a few hours, sweetie. I love you."  
Chandler nodded and managed a soft "Love you too" as she left the room. Outside, Monica leaned against the wall, trying to gain control of herself. She didn't want to be emotional when their friends arrived. She knew it would only frighten them. Besides, she had all day to get nervous and upset.  
  
"Mon? Monica?" Rachel's voice finally cut through the haze that seemed to surround her, and Monica looked up at her sister-in-law, wondering how long she had been saying her name.  
"Rach. Sorry, I was…" She let the thought drift off without finishing it. "What is it?"  
Rachel looked at her, worried. Monica had been completely out of it all day. Rachel knew she was worried, but she had barely said a word. She hadn't eaten with the others, and hadn't had so much as a cup of coffee since Chandler was taken into surgery six hours ago.   
"Sweetie, Ross is going to take Matthew to the cafeteria, get him away from here for a little while. Do you want anything to eat? I know you don't feel like it, but the baby…"  
Monica snapped back to reality, realizing that Rachel was right. The baby needed food, even if it was the last thing Monica wanted to think about.  
"Ohh…You're right, Rach. Do you mind bringing me something? I don't want to leave, in case Dr. Gillespie comes out again."  
"Of course not. What do you want?"  
"Oh, just bring whatever looks good. I don't think I'll notice what I'm eating anyway."  
"Okay. I'll be right back, okay Mon?"  
Monica nodded, thankful that Joey and Phoebe seemed to be staying in the waiting room with her. Phoebe was sleeping, her head against Joey's shoulder, but Joey was wide awake. He'd given up the pretense of reading ages ago, and just stared straight ahead, as lost in his own thoughts as Monica had been.   
Monica sighed and shifted slightly in her chair. She hoped the surgery would be over soon. Dr. Gillespie had come out, a little more than an hour ago, to tell her that everything was going well, and seemed to be on schedule. Monica desperately wanted him to come and reassure her again, but he hadn't come yet. She slumped back down in her chair, and hoped Rachel would hurry. She was glad they were taking care of Matthew. Monica had been too preoccupied to think about things like entertaining Matthew. She was glad Ross had decided to get him out of the waiting room for awhile. He had been sitting there, usually in Monica's lap, for the last hour or so, since Monica's parents had brought him by the hospital. She knew he had to be bored, even if he was worried about Chandler. After all, Matthew was only two, and could not grasp the situation, or why he had to sit still in one place for such a long time. Monica knew she should have left him with her parents, but she had wanted Matthew nearby when Chandler woke up.  
Rachel returned, bringing with her a sandwich, some fruit, and orange juice. Monica ate hurriedly, realizing that she hadn't even had breakfast. It was now mid-afternoon. She had to take care of herself for the baby's sake. Rachel watched her eat, nodding approvingly. Monica was just sipping the last of her juice when they both saw Dr. Gillespie walking down the hall. Monica jumped to her feet, wringing her hands as she saw the serious look on his face. But he smiled, easing some of her tension, and nodded to everyone in the waiting room.  
"You'll all be happy to hear that the surgery is over. Chandler seems to be just fine. His pulse is strong, and his breathing is steady. The tumor was removed successfully, and we think about five more days of chemo will be all he needs to wipe out all traces of it. However," Monica's breath caught at the single word. "However, there was a slight complication. The tumor was attached to a blood vessel, creating pressure. When the pressure was released, there was a little bleeding. Nothing serious, but we're going to watch Chandler carefully while he's here with us, and make sure there are no side effects from this. Meanwhile, Dr. Callis is closing. Chandler should be in recovery in about fifteen minutes. Monica, if you want to follow me, I'll show you the room he'll be taken to, and you can wait for him there."  
Monica nodded, and turned to her relieved friends, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Thanks, you guys, for being here. I'll let you know when you can see him."  
They nodded, hugged her quickly, and called out greetings to Chandler as she turned to follow Dr. Gillespie down the hallway.  
  
Monica squeezed his hand and looked at her watch for the thousandth time. She wished he would wake up. She couldn't wait to talk to her husband, and assure him that the doctors said everything had gone fine. She had been sitting in the recovery room with Chandler for almost two hours. She longed for him to open his eyes so she could look into them and tell him how much she loved him.   
She closed her eyes and rested her head against his arm, trying to get control of her nerves. She would feel better if he would just wake up. She could feel tears pricking the back of her eyelids, and closed her eyes more tightly, trying to keep them from falling. Then a gentle squeeze on her hand made her eyes pop open, and she saw that Chandler's eyes were open as well.  
"Monica?"  
"Chandler! Oh, thank goodness you're awake." She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, then smiled into his eyes. "How do you feel, sweetheart?"  
Chandler looked a little bit puzzled, but tried to answer her question. "I feel, um…Kind of groggy. Where am I? What happened?"  
"What do you mean what happened? You just had your brain tumor removed. The anesthesia is just wearing off."  
"I had…I had a brain tumor?" His voice was dubious. Monica looked at him, confused, wondering how he could forget that. It must have been the trauma. Surely he was just blocking it out.  
"Yes, sweetie. You had a brain tumor. But now it's gone. The doctors say you need five more days of chemo, then you can come home. Matthew can't wait."  
"Matthew…Who…Who's Matthew?"  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four!

TOW The Bings (Part Four)  
  
Disclaimer: The only one I own is Matthew. Bing, not Perry. =)  
  
Okay, I know this is dramatic and hard to believe, but...oh well.   
  
"Matthew...Who...Who's Matthew?"  
Monica stared at him, shocked. How could he not remember their son? It was one thing to be confused about the brain tumor. But if he couldn't remember Matthew... After a long moment, she finally got a hold of herself. Chandler was still looking at her, and he was growing more frightened by her silence every second.  
"Chandler, you really don't know who Matthew is?"  
"No... Wait, is that Phoebe's boyfriend? The scientist dude?" His voice was still weak and he sounded a bit drunk because of the anesthesia, but he seemed to be thinking coherently.  
"No...No, Matthew's..." She trailed off, wondering what she should do. She didn't want to just tell Chandler that they had a son. She had to talk to Dr. Gillespie.  
"Sweetie, I'll be right back, okay? Can you hold on for just a minute?"  
"Yeah, Mon..." Chandler looked terribly confused, but Monica ignored that as she ran out of the room, and over to the nurse's station.   
"Can you have Dr. Gillespie paged up here immediately? There's something wrong..."  
The nurse nodded and turned to the phone. A second later, Monica heard the page over the loudspeaker, and breathed a sigh of relief. She hoped he would hurry. She wasn't sure whether to go back to Chandler or wait on the doctor. She decided to wait so that she could explain the situation to Dr. Gillespie without Chandler overhearing. She leaned against the wall, trying to not to think about Chandler's lack of memory. If she thought about it, she'd break down. And Chandler needed her.  
It didn't take long for the doctor to arrive. He was jogging down the hallway, looking worried, when he spotted Monica.  
"Monica? What's wrong? Is it Chandler? Is that why I was paged?"  
"Yes, yes. Doctor, something's wrong. I mentioned Matthew, and he asked me who Matthew was. And I wasn't concerned at first, but when he first woke up, he asked me what had happened, and he didn't remember even having a brain tumor, much less getting it removed." Monica finished the sentence in sobs. Dr. Gillespie gently put his arm around her, and guided her over to a chair. After giving her a moment to collect herself, he spoke softly.  
"Did he recognize you?"  
Monica thought for a second, then nodded in relief. "Yes, he said my name when he opened his eyes."  
Dr. Gillespie nodded, and put an arm around Monica again to try to calm her down.  
"Monica, listen. This might be some type of amnesia that resulted from the trauma of the surgery. Now, I'm going to try to determine the extent of it. Since he remembers you, it can't be total. What I need you to do is to help me question him, and try to figure out just how much he does remember. And, if he's forgotten everything since a certain time, to help decide what that is and how much time he's lost."  
Monica nodded, frightened. "But Dr. Gillespie, when you say amnesia, do you mean...permanent?"  
Dr. Gillespie shook his head. "I don't know. Probably not. Maybe I'll know more after I talk to Chandler. And Monica, just to warn you...If he doesn't remember Matthew, there's a good chance that he might not remember that you are married. The fact that he recognized you is a good sign, but from what I understand, you two were very important to each other even before you fell in love. I need you to be prepared for that possibility. We don't want to tell him anything just yet, though we will have to soon if he doesn't remember much." He looked into Monica's eyes, which were wide with fright and uncertainty. "Are you ready?"  
"Yeah, I'm ready." She swallowed hard and followed the doctor into her husband's room. Chandler was lying there quietly, staring at the ceiling. He looked up when they entered, and smiled tentatively.  
"Mon? Where'd you go?"  
Monica smiled when she heard him say her name, hoping that was a good sign. He also sounded much more awake than he had a few minutes ago. She went over to his bed, and kissed him on the cheek before she answered.  
"This is Dr. Gillespie. He's been your doctor since we found out you had cancer. He's here just to check and make sure you're doing okay."  
"Hello, Chandler. I know that you don't remember me, but I'm happy to see that you're doing so well. The surgery was successful, I might add. It looks like you'll be just fine."  
Chandler looked relieved, though he didn't know what he was talking about.   
"Well, that's always good to know, even if I don't remember having a tumor." He laughed nervously, and Monica reached over to squeeze his hand.  
"Okay, Chandler, I'm going to ask you a few questions. Answer them if you can, but if you can't remember, just tell me you can't, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Your name?"  
"Chandler Bing."  
"Birthday?"  
"March 11."   
"Job?"  
"Data Processor. I guess it's good that I remember that, since none of the rest of you know, huh Mon?" Monica forced herself to smile back, remembering the game he was talking about - when Monica and Rachel had bet their apartment and lost.  
"Okay, Chandler, can you tell me about your family?"  
Chandler paused and glanced at Monica. When he spoke, it was in a rush. "My mom's a novelist that writes erotic books. She dresses like a teenager and once even kissed Monica's brother. My dad...My dad runs a show is Las Vegas called Viva Las Gaygas."  
Dr. Gillespie looked at Monica quickly, obviously wondering if this was true. She nodded quietly, and Dr. Gillespie looked back at Chandler with raised eyebrows.  
"Okay...Tell me about your friends."  
Again Chandler looked at Monica, but this time with a smile.   
"Um, well, there's my roommate Joey." Monica stiffened when Chandler called Joey his roommate. That confirmed what she had realized when Chandler didn't include her with 'family'. He didn't remember their marriage, or any of their relationship, unless he somehow remembered their sneaking around days before they lived together. Chandler didn't notice Monica's reaction, which she was thankful for. She didn't want to have to explain just yet.  
"Joey's an actor...Or tries to be anyway. He's a ladies' man, especially when you compare him with me." Chandler smiled the bitter smile that Monica hadn't seen in years. She realized how much Chandler had hurt all of those years, without ever letting anyone know. "Um, he's great. The best friend anyone could ask for. He'd do anything for you, you know?" Monica smiled at his description, knowing it was true. Joey really had a good heart, and he would give up his life for his friends.  
"Um, then there's Phoebe. She's kind of...how do you say it nicely? She's spacey. But the nicest person I know." He paused and glanced at Monica. "Almost." They exchanged smiles, then Chandler continued. "She's a masseuse. Then there's Ross. He's Monica's brother, and a paleontologist. He was my roommate in college, and that's how I met Monica, and her roommate Rachel. Rach and Monica live across the hall from Joey and me. Rachel works for Bloomingdale's, and is really into fashion. She's a little bit ditzy, but we all love her, right Mon?"  
Monica nodded, smiling. How surprised Chandler would be when he met the new, grown-up Rachel, who was married with a child.   
"And then there's Monica. She's...pretty much the best friend I have. I mean, she even "taught" me how to have better sex with my girlfriend - eh, my ex-girlfriend." Kathy. He means Kathy, Monica thought, her mind running like a computer program, trying to deduce an answer. He broke up with Kathy right after we switched apartments. Which was of course after Rach and I lost the game when we couldn't remember what he does. And all that was right before Ross and Emily... "But, you obviously know Mon, so you can see for yourself how great she is."  
"Yes, Chandler, and I have. A moment ago, you mentioned an ex-girlfriend. Can you tell me more about your romantic life?" He's trying to see if he remembers me. I might as well tell him that he doesn't. He doesn't remember. Her heart broke as she admitted it, and it was all she could do to keep from breaking down in tears. But Chandler wouldn't understand tears, and she didn't want to scare him.  
"What romantic life?" Chandler's voice was bitter, and Monica was reminded again of how he had been before they go together. "Um, basically that consists of two women. Janice - who is the most annoying woman on the face of the planet - and Kathy, who I was crazy about. She cheated on me, though."  
"Anyone else?"  
Monica's heart skipped a beat when Chandler glanced at her, but he shook his head.  
"No, that's about it. There are a couple of other little flings, but those are the only two worth talking about."  
"Why did you look at Monica?"  
Chandler paused, and looked at her again. His face flushed, and he seemed reluctant to answer.  
"Um, well...I, uh... I guess I was just thinking about that time at the beach, when I asked if you would ever consider me for your boyfriend. But you said no. Remember that?" Monica could feel Dr. Gillespie's eyes on her, probably wondering why in the world she had said no. But she was remembering Chandler holding her in the bathtub, telling her that he had been in love with her long before London. She choked back a sob, and looked toward the doctor, begging him with her eyes to continue.  
"Chandler, we need to talk about your condition. Monica brought it to my attention, and I agree that it seems that you have a case of amnesia."  
"Amnesia?!"  
"Yes. You don't seem to remember details from the last few years of your life. We're a little concerned about that. So, I'm going to let Monica ask you some questions now, since she knows you much better than I do, and try to decide just how much you do remember, and how much you don't. Okay?"  
Chandler looked at Monica, bewildered. She nodded quietly, trying to be reassuring. "It's true, Chandler. I know you probably think you do remember, but there's a lot of things you don't seem to know. So let's just try to figure it out, okay?"  
Chandler nodded, looking at her for answers. Monica glanced at the doctor. She knew about the time period now, anyway. His memory seemed to stop right around the time of Ross's wedding to Emily, which, ironically, was when their life together started. She took a deep breath, and decided to make it quick.  
"Do you remember Emily?"  
Chandler thought for a second, then his eyes brightened. "Yeah. Ross is going to marry her." He stopped and looked at Monica. "Did he?"  
"Um...yeah...but no. It's a long story, Chandler. They're not married now."  
"They're not?"  
"No...So you remember their engagement. Do you...do you remember London, Chandler?"  
Chandler paused and thought again. "Well, I can remember the plane ride. And Joey and that stupid map. But I can't remember the wedding..."  
"The rehearsal dinner?" Monica could barely get the words out. After the rehearsal dinner was when they had gone up to his room. If he remembered this much...  
Chandler shut his eyes, thinking hard, obviously trying for her sake to remember.  
"No, I don't think I remember that."  
Monica nodded, and turned to Dr. Gillespie. "I think we've got it. He remembers things up to the day of the rehearsal dinner, but everything afterwards..." She stopped, knowing that "everything afterwards" in his life had everything to do with her.  
"Chandler, will you excuse us for a moment?"  
Chandler nodded, obviously still very confused. "Sure..."  
Dr. Gillespie led Monica into the hallway. As soon as she was out of Chandler's room, the tears started to fall.   
"Monica, listen to me. This is most likely only temporary. He remembers too much for it to be something permanent. He just lost the past few years. Tell me, was this wedding a big turning point for him?"  
Monica almost laughed at the question, in spite of her worry. Of course it was a turning point for Chandler. It had been for both of them. London was when they finally left the past behind and began to be happy. She looked up at the doctor. "Yes. My brother's wedding in London was when Chandler and I got together."  
Dr. Gillespie nodded. "That makes perfect sense. He's forgotten everything since then, because that was when he became, in many ways, a different person. So, don't take it personally that he doesn't remember your history. It's a compliment of sorts. I'm sure that given time to recover from the surgery, he'll get his memory back. About how long ago was this wedding?"  
"Um...about seven years. But..." Monica glanced away, wondering what to do. "What do we do in the meantime? Until he remembers I mean. When he comes home, it will be to our house. We can't keep Matthew away from him forever. What, how much do we tell him?"  
"Well, you will obviously have to tell him you're married, as well as the fact that you share a son. You can fill him in on some of the details, enough to satisfy his questions. But try not to tell him too much. We want him to remember on his own. And, Monica..." Dr. Gillespie paused, trying to decide the best way to tell her what he needed to say. "You're not showing yet. And you won't be for a couple of months. I would hold off telling Chandler about the baby until some of this shock has worn off. Too much might be just that. Too much."  
Monica, though surprised, took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. So how do I know when I'm telling him too much?"  
"Just give him the basics. You're married, Matthew, update him on your friends. Answer his questions, but don't elaborate more than you need to. He'll ask how you got together. Tell him. But don't tell him every detail of your life together. Try to appease him, make him comfortable, but leave some things for him to discover."  
Monica nodded, wondering how she could do that. After a long moment, she turned back to the doctor. "Are you coming back in?"  
Dr. Gillespie shook his head. "No. I'll let you talk to him in private."  
Monica nodded and turned to go into the room. Suddenly, she turned back.  
"Doctor, could you do me a favor and let my friends know? I want them to be prepared. And tell Ross not to bring Matthew until I come for him, okay?"  
"Sure. Monica, I'm sorry. I had no idea this could happen, or I would have warned you."  
Monica forced a small smile. "Thanks. But I know it wasn't anyone's fault."  
Dr. Gillespie nodded and placed a hand on her arm, squeezing it gently before he walked away, leaving her to give Chandler the shock of his life. She opened the door slowly, and closed it behind her before she turned to look at him. He still looked bewildered.   
"Mon?" His voice sounded like a little boy, scared and lost. "Monica, who's Matthew?" She saw the anxiety in his eyes, and knew that he knew Matthew was someone important. She had to answer the questions in his eyes, but she wasn't sure how to do it. She crossed the room to his bed, and carefully took his hand. He watched her closely, wondering why her eyes were filled with tears. Finally, Monica took a deep breath, and looked up at him.  
"Chandler, there are some things that you don't remember that I have to tell you. Dr. Gillespie told me not to tell you too much, because he wants you to remember on your own. And he thinks you will, really soon. But, in the meantime, I have to tell you about some things that have happened since Ross's wedding in London. You won't be able to understand much unless I tell you some things about your life now. I know you'll have a lot of questions, but try to just ask me the big ones, okay? I'll answer them as much as I think I can, but I'm going to try not to give you all of your memories."  
Chandler nodded, his eyes urging her to go on. Monica looked down at their hands, and began to speak in a quiet voice, deciding to answer his question first and explain later.  
"First of all...Matthew is - Matthew is our son."   
She heard Chandler's quick intake of breath, but didn't look at him. She hated knowing he didn't remember Matthew. Somehow, that hurt worse than knowing he didn't remember anything at all about his relationship with her.  
"Wh- We have a son?" She looked at him then, seeing the extreme shock in his eyes. "US??? Um, how, when, where, h-" He shook his head as if to clear it. "What?"  
Monica nodded. "I'll show you a picture of him as soon as I can get my wallet from Ross. See, when we were in London for Ross's wedding, you and I...We kind of...slept together."  
Chandler didn't look quite as shocked by that piece of information, which made sense, considering she'd already told him they had a son. But he was still stunned.  
"And I...You...I got you pregnant?"  
"No! Well, yeah, but no! Not then."  
"We did it more than ONCE?"  
Monica smiled at his astonishment. Of course he would be surprised. As far as he could remember, it hadn't been that long since she had told him he wasn't boyfriend material.   
"Yeah, sweetie. We did it a lot more than once. See...after we slept together in London, we started dating."  
"You...and ME?" She smiled again, although she was fighting tears the whole time. He was so cute, although she wished he wasn't so incredulous. She hated for him to think he wasn't good enough for her. He had made her so incredibly happy, and she wanted him to know that.  
"Yes! You and me. We kept it a secret from the others for awhile, but they found out. But by then...We were in love."  
"Love." He said it simply, unbelieving. Monica squeezed his hand, trying to give him a bit of assurance.  
"Yes, Chandler, love. And then, to make a really long story pretty short, about three years after we got together in London..." Her voice trailed off as she slowly held up his left hand, so that he could see the ring on his finger. He stared at it, then looked at her, his eyes wide. Without breaking their locked gaze, he reached for her left hand and lifted it so that he could see her ring finger. He finally looked away from her to look at her hand next to his, gazing at their wedding bands and her engagement ring. Monica watched his face, knowing that he would come to his own conclusion.  
"You...and me?" He seemed to be stuck on those two words. And his voice was still absolutely incredulous.   
"Yeah." Monica's smiled, allowing her love for him to show in her eyes. "You and me. We've been married for a little more than four years. And, almost three years ago, our son - Matthew - was born." She desperately wanted to go on and tell him about the new baby, but she stopped herself. Dr. Gillespie was right, and besides, she wanted him to remember that on his own.  
"Thank God." Monica looked at him, a question in her eyes. He smiled slightly and tried to explain himself. "I was afraid...when you said Matthew, I was afraid I might have made a, um, a lifestyle choice." Monica grinned at that, and squeezed his hand.  
"You did. But not that choice. You decided to make a commitment - to me, to marriage, to our family."  
Chandler nodded slowly, still looking skeptical. "I didn't think I'd ever find someone that I would love enough to do that. And it was you...Four years? We've been married four years?"  
"Four years, sweetie. And they've been the happiest four years of my life. Since I fell in love with you, each day has been even better than the one before. We have a good life, Chandler. And we love each other so much."  
Chandler nodded, still shell-shocked by all the information he was expected to absorb. "Of course we would." He appeared to be talking to himself, but then realized Monica was still there and looked up at her again. "God, Monica, this is just too much. I feel like that kid in that old movie. The one where the kid wakes up and it's like ten years in the future? What was it called? We watched it once. Joey rented it. Said he loved it when he was a kid."  
"Flight of the Navigator." Monica could remember that night. They had watched the movie not too long after Rachel had moved in.  
"Yeah, that's it. He has no idea what's going on. And everyone's changed but him..."  
Monica nodded silently. "And his parents and sister are so glad to have him back, but he doesn't even know them anymore."  
Chandler looked up at her, eyes suddenly wide.   
"I know you, Mon. I might not know everything about our life together, but I know you. It's not the same."  
Monica tried to smile and nodded, but she was unconvinced.   
"Monica...  
"No, Chandler, it's fine. I know you didn't mean to. I'm just..." She couldn't tell him that she was even more emotional than usual because of the baby. She let the thought go unfinished, hoping Chandler would understand. He didn't push her. After a few moments of silence, Chandler spoke again, feeling the need to put some of his amazement into words.  
"I can't believe this. I'm married. To YOU! And we have a son... Monica, this isn't some sort of trick is it?"  
She laughed at the sudden anxiety in his eyes, releasing her tension. In a moment, she was back to as normal as she could be under the circumstances.  
"No, sweetie. It's not a trick. It's all true. Actually, hold on just a minute. I'll be right back."  
Monica ran out of the room, and found a nurse.   
"Can you do me a huge favor and go down to room 331? That's my husband's room. There are several pictures on the table beside the bed. Could you get them and bring them back to me?"  
The nurse nodded, happy to oblige, and started down the hallway. Monica returned to Chandler's room, and sat down beside him again.  
"I sent the nurse to your room to get some pictures for you. Maybe that will help you to cope with the shock of it all."  
"Thank you. Monica, I'm so sorry that I don't remember...I don't know how I could forget all this! Please, please don't...Don't take it personally, Mon. Trust me, if I have this kind of life, especially if it's with you, it would be the last thing I would want to forget." He was starting to cry again. Monica squeezed his hand, reluctant to get much closer to him in his vulnerable state, and tried to ease his guilt.  
"Sweetie, it's okay. The doctor told me that it's actually quite common. He says that London was a big turning point in your life, and that's probably why you can't remember anything after it. He said that in some ways, you became a new person - both of us did - and that's probably why you don't remember."  
"Man, I can't believe this. I'm married to you. The woman of my dreams."  
Monica looked up, surprised and touched. "Really?"  
"Well, yeah Mon. You've...Well, I've always had a bit of a crush on you." Chandler's cheeks got a little red, and Monica couldn't help but smile at the irony. She was about to speak again when the door opened.  
"Ma'am? Here are those pictures." Monica rushed to take them from her, and quickly looked through them, deciding to show him the one of the gang first.  
"Here you go, sweetie. You should recognize all of these people. And now would be a good time to tell you about them. Joey and Phoebe got married just a couple of days ago, here at the hospital. They brought the wedding to us, since we couldn't go to L.A."  
"L.A.?"  
"Yeah, Joey and Phoebe moved out there about a year ago. Joey got a role in a movie, and Phoebs went with him. They're doing really well. Joey's already gotten two more movie offers."  
"Wow. I wish I could remember all this..." Chandler's voice was wistful, and Monica squeezed his hand, knowing how frustrated he must feel.  
"Ross and Rachel are married too." At Chandler's surprised look, Monica continued quickly. "I know, the last you remember, he was marrying Emily. But, he said Rachel's name at the altar."  
"No."  
"Yeah. Well, they still got married, but Emily left right after the wedding. Anyway, after a lot of chaos, they eventually ended up getting divorced."  
"And Ross married Rachel."  
"Right. Actually, they got married the first time in Vegas. They were really drunk. And, a side-note, you and I almost got married that same night in Vegas, but we got caught up in Ross and Rachel and decided against it. Anyway, when they sobered up, they ended up getting a divorce. Years later, after you and I had already been married a year or so, they got married for real. And they have a three-month-old son, Jackson."  
"Rachel has a baby?!"  
"Yeah. And boy, is he a cutie."  
Chandler smiled. "Can't wait to meet him." He paused and looked at her, his eyes troubled. "Speaking of meeting people... Is one of those of Matthew?"  
Monica tried to smile, and kissed him tenderly on the forehead as she placed the picture of the two of them in the park with Matthew in his hands.  
"That's us, obviously, and Matthew. Rachel took it at the park just a couple of months ago."  
She watched as Chandler's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my God. I didn't really believe it until now. We, we really have a little boy!"  
"Yeah. Isn't he beautiful? He loves you so much. Almost as much as I do."  
"Oh my God. This is my son." Chandler looked at Monica, and brushed a tear away from her cheek, not even realizing that they were running steadily down his own face. "He's amazing, Mon. Man, I can't believe that I have a little boy." He glanced up at her, a gentle smile curving his lips. "And...you and I...We really look like we're in love."  
"We are, Chandler. I know it's hard to take my word for it, but we are. Here's one of our wedding pictures."  
Chandler took it, and gazed at it for a long time. "Monica, you are so beautiful. God, I have to be the luckiest man alive." He finally looked up, wiping impatiently at the tears on his face. "And I don't even remember it. How can I not remember this? How can I not remember you? Our son? Mon, I'm so sorry..."  
"Shh. Sweetie, you can't help it. And you will remember. Soon. You have to." She leaned over to pull him carefully into her arms. She cradled his head against her chest and let her own tears run down her face and drop onto his hair as she kissed his forehead gently. After a few moments, she realized that while holding him was the most familiar feeling in the world to her, he wouldn't remember ever being in her arms as more than a friend, and might be uncomfortable. She released him reluctantly, and he looked up at her, obviously still frustrated by this lack of memories, but not seeming to be adversely affected by the hug. After a long, awkward silence while they stared at each other, Chandler finally spoke again.  
"What's that one of?" Chandler gestured toward her hand, where she held one more picture. Monica looked down, and couldn't help but smile. She gave him the picture, and watched the tears well up in his eyes again as he looked at it.  
"That's Matthew, of course. I gave you this picture a couple of weeks ago, right after you started chemo."  
"Oh, man. He is...Amazing, Monica. So amazing. He looks like you."  
"Yeah...We've always fought about that. You think he looks just like me, and I swear that he's the spitting image of you! Matty's his father's son. He really adores you. In fact, he's waiting now to be able to see his daddy..."  
Chandler looked up, startled. "He's here?"  
"Yeah. He's out in the waiting room with the rest of the guys.  
Chandler swallowed hard, and looked back at the picture of his son sleeping. When he looked back at Monica, his eyes were determined. "I want to see him."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, I'm sure. Don't you think I deserve to meet my son?"  
"Of course. But are you sure you're ready?"  
"I'm ready. I...I think I'm in love with him already."  
Monica smiled, wiping away her tears. "That's what you said when they gave him to you in the delivery room the day he was born."  
Chandler's eyes widened. He looked at Monica, realizing for the first time exactly what everything she had told him meant. They were married. They had a son. Somehow, he had made her love him. And she said they were happy. They had a good life. They were in love. None of it made any sense to him, but he knew that the life he had woken up to was a thousand times better than the one he remembered. And he was about to meet his son. A child he shared with Monica, whom he had loved...for years. But he couldn't remember any of it.  
"I'll go get Matthew. And then the others will want to see you. I told the doctor to tell them..."  
Chandler nodded, glad that his friends would already know that he couldn't remember. But all he wanted at that moment was to see his son.  
"I'll be back in a few minutes. I want to talk to Matty for a minute first, to um, prepare him."  
Chandler nodded again, knowing that would be a good idea. Matthew would come in expecting him to know things he didn't, and that would just make things difficult for both of them.  
Monica kissed him sweetly on the forehead before she left the room. Chandler looked up at her, surprised, but knowing that she was accustomed to acting like they were in a happy marriage. She left him to contemplate the pictures, and wonder about this life he led that he couldn't remember. She stopped outside the door, fighting to keep control of herself. She couldn't let Matthew see her so upset. After a moment, she walked down the hallway to the waiting room.  
They all jumped to her feet when she entered. She sighed and wearily ran her fingers through her hair, looking around at their friends, then at Matthew, who was asleep in Joey's arms.  
"Mon? How...how is he?"  
Monica looked at Rachel, her eyes giving away her worry and frustration.  
"He's actually taking this really well. Telling him about us - and Matthew - was kind of fun. He couldn't believe that we were married, but... He, um, he wants to meet his son." She stressed the word 'meet', and Rachel nodded, understanding. She knew how it must feel for Monica to have to introduce her husband to a child that he was supposed to have known for three years.  
"Sweetie, is there anything we can do?"  
"Um, actually, Ross? Would you call Mom and Dad and give them the update? And if you can get hold of Chandler's mom, that would be really great."  
"Of course. Anything else?"  
Monica looked around at her friends, softening under their concerned looks. "No. No, I think we're okay. He took the shock fairly well, although it'll take awhile for it to sink in. Um, I'm going to take Matthew in to see him. I'll come and get the rest of you in a little while. He's anxious to see you."  
They nodded, and Monica accepted their comforting hugs. Joey gave up Matthew, and Monica sat down with him in her lap, waking him gently.  
"Matthew? Honey, can you wake up for Mommy?" His eyes popped open immediately and he sat up straight in her lap.   
"Mommy! Can I see Daddy now?"  
Monica pulled him close and kissed him on the forehead. "Yes, sweetie. I'm going to take you to see Daddy. But first, I need to talk to you. Daddy just woke up from the operation, and he can't remember very well right now. He needs time to get better, and then we hope he'll be able to remember everything. But, Matty, if Daddy doesn't know what you're talking about, or seems a little bit different than you're used to, don't let it worry you. He's just fine, but he needs some time to let his mind remember everything."  
"Why doesn't he 'member Mommy?"  
"I don't know, baby. It has something to do with the operation he had. But I don't want you to worry. Daddy's going to be fine, I'm sure. I just don't want you to be scared if Daddy seems different to you."  
"Okay." Monica knew Matthew was confused, but she didn't want to go into it any further. She was afraid Matthew would be upset if he knew Chandler couldn't remember them.  
"Okay. You ready to go see Daddy?" She tried to make it sound exciting, though she was scared to death. When Matthew nodded solemnly, she lifted Matthew into her arms, and glanced at her friends. They were all watching her, knowing how hard this was for her. She gave them a small smile, and carried her son down the hallway to his father's room. She stopped outside the door, and looked at Matthew.   
"Sweetie, remember you have to be careful with Daddy. He just got out of an operation. Don't jump on him or hug him too tightly, okay?"  
"Okay, Mommy." Matthew's face was serious, but his eyes showed his excitement over seeing his father again. Monica sighed and prayed that the meeting would go well, for Matthew's sake as much as Chandler's.  
"Chandler? Honey, Matthew's here." She walked into the room slowly, carrying Matthew. At his first sight of Matthew, Chandler's face broke into a huge grin. Monica noticed, relieved, that he didn't cry. She was afraid that tears would scare their small son. She glanced at Matthew and couldn't hide her own smile when she saw that her son's face bore a grin that matched his father's.  
"Daddy!" Monica placed him carefully on the bed, and watched as Matthew kissed his father several times, then placed his little hands on either side of Chandler's face, smiling into his eyes. Chandler was looking at him, grinning, no trace of tears on his face.  
"Hey...son."  
Matthew looked at Chandler seriously. "Daddy, are you all better now?"  
Chandler glanced at Monica, wondering if she had told him. Monica broke in, trying to ease the situation.  
"Daddy's a lot better than he was, Matthew. But you remember that I told you that Daddy needs a little bit of time to get all the way better. And that he might forget some things or not be able to pick you up or play with you for a little while."  
"(the patented Monica) I know! Mommy, you just told me!" Chandler and Monica both laughed at the impatience in their son's voice, and Chandler looked at her with a grin.  
"He sounds just like you, Mon."  
Monica looked at her husband and nodded quietly. She was glad when Matthew took his father's attention once again.  
"So when are you coming home, Daddy?"  
Chandler looked up, a little startled by the question. Monica could tell that he hadn't given a thought to leaving the hospital and going "home" to a life he didn't know.  
"Um...I'm not sure, son. Monica? Do you know?"  
"Yeah." She ran a hand over Matthew's head, smoothing back his bangs. "Daddy needs to stay here for about a week, darling. Then he'll come home with us."  
"Yay!" Matthew bounced up and down in his excitement, and Chandler watched him, his face happy but his eyes thoughtful. He pulled Matthew toward him, and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.   
"I can't wait, Matty." Monica turned her head toward Chandler quickly, surprised that he had used Matthew's special nickname. They rarely called him anything but Matthew. In fact, they made a conscious effort to call him by his full name. But "Matty" had become a pet name both used when they were feeling especially affectionate.   
Chandler saw her quick look and wondered if he had said something wrong. But when he caught her eye, she was smiling. Impulsively, she leaned over and kissed him, very lightly, on the lips. Immediately, she regretted it. She knew he wouldn't understand the meaning behind the kiss, and the love for him that prompted it.   
Chandler stared at her for a moment, before realizing that Matthew would most likely wonder why "Daddy" was reacting like that to a simple kiss. But the truth was, it was the first time - to Chandler - that she had kissed him. It took his breath away. He wanted to pull her to him and kiss her more deeply, but Matthew brought him back to reality before he could let his emotions take over.  
"Daddy?" Each time he heard that word come out of Matthew's mouth, he felt his heart skip a beat. Even though he couldn't remember the child, he still felt an unmistakable bond. And he knew that he already loved this little boy more than he could ever put into words.   
"Yes, Matthew?"  
"I'm glad you're better now. I missed you." To the surprise of both his parents, Matthew was suddenly biting his lip and letting tears run down his rosy cheeks.  
"Aw, son. Don't cry." Chandler pulled Matthew into his arms, even as Monica was reaching for him. Seeing Monica sitting uncertainly on the edge of the bed, Chandler held out his other arm to her, and she smiled as she joined their hug. Chandler was overwhelmed by the knowledge that he was holding his son and his wife in his arms. He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that he knew would only frighten Matthew more. He moved his head so that he could kiss Monica gently on her temple. She looked up, a little surprised, and he mouthed "thank you" to her, nodding his head toward the child crying against his chest. Monica gave him a full smile and nodded, then mouthed it back to him.  
"Matthew, son, you don't know how happy I'll be to be home with you and your mommy. I know you've had a rough few weeks, son, but you've been so good, and so brave. Mommy and I are so, so proud of you. You don't have to cry son. We're both right here. You don't have to be scared."  
Monica subtly wiped a tear from her eye. Just watching him was Matthew now was almost as emotional as it had been when she had watched him hold their son for the first time just minutes after he had been born. Chandler was still a wonderful father. He seemed to automatically know just what to say. Watching him now made it hard to believe that he really couldn't remember.   
Matthew finally ceased his crying, and sat up in the bed.   
"You won't leave again, will you Daddy?"  
Chandler looked at Monica, helpless. He knew as well as she did he couldn't promise that. Even if he was given a clean bill of health, the cancer could come back at any time. Instead of making a promise he might have to break, Chandler looked at his son, and kissed him on the forehead.  
"Son, I can't promise. Daddy's been very sick, and I might get sick again. We don't think I will, but if I do, I might have to come back to the hospital so I can get better again. But I promise, I'll try as hard as I can to never have to leave you again."  
Matthew's face fell with Chandler's first words, but he managed to smile anyway. "Okay, as long as you try to stay good. I don't want you to leave me and Mommy again."  
Chandler looked up at Monica, surprised by how quickly he had adjusted to the fact that she was his wife. He gave her a smile, which widened when she smiled back. "I don't want to leave again either, son."  
Monica stepped in then. "Matthew, we need to let Daddy get some rest. Uncle Ross and Aunt Rachel are going to come see Daddy for a few minutes, then they will take you home. Okay son?"  
"Okay, Mommy." Chandler smiled at their obedient son. Monica had done well with him. Or maybe they both had, he didn't know.  
"Good night, Matthew." Chandler hugged him close, then pressed his lips against his little forehead, reluctant to pull away.  
"Night, Daddy. I love you."  
"I-love you too, Matthew."  
Matthew gave his father a wet kiss on the cheek, then allowed Monica to lift him out of the bed. She put him down, then leaned over to kiss Chandler on the forehead. He smiled up at her, putting her mind at ease about showing affection.  
"I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll send Ross and Rachel in, so they can go ahead and take Matthew home."  
Chandler nodded. "Okay. I'll see you in a while then."  
Monica smiled, then lifted Matthew, prompting him to blow kisses to his father, which Chandler returned. Monica had to take several deep breaths to keep from crying as she carried Matthew out of the room, and down the hallway. She hated to leave him, but at the same time she knew that she would welcome the time to be alone with her thoughts while the others visited Chandler. She didn't want to answer his questions or see the confusion in her eyes. She wanted her husband back to normal, and he was anything but.  
  
  
"Hi."  
Chandler looked up quickly, and sighed with relief when he saw Monica standing in the doorway. He'd grown tired of visitors, though he loved his friends. They had all questioned him with their eyes, if not with their voices. Somehow, Monica made him feel safe, secure.  
"Hey."  
"How are you feeling?"  
Chandler sighed and looked at her. "I don't know. I mean, I'm fine I guess. But I can't believe...I'm really confused, and frustrated, and...I don't know, I feel like I'm suspended in some kind of alternate reality. It really sucks, Mon."  
"I know." Even though she was still across the room from him, he could tell that she had been crying. And she was rubbing her neck like she always did when she was upset. It struck him that she probably did know. Of all people, this woman he was supposed to be married to would be most affected by his lack of memory. He suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of guilt for putting that look in her eyes. He knew how it felt to have no memories about things that were supposed to be important, but he could hardly begin to imagine what it would be like to be in Monica's position - knowing and living their life, and facing a husband that didn't remember any of it.   
"C'mere, Mon." He saw the reluctance in her eyes, but he held out his hand to her, and she finally came over to his bed, and sat gingerly on the side of it.  
"I'm sorry, Monica. I hate it that I don't remember...but this affects you just as much as it does me. I know that if I'm this frustrated...you must be a hundred times worse. I mean, you can remember, and you're stuck with a husband that doesn't even remember having a baby with you." He brushed her cheek gently, wanting to connect with her in some way. Even though he liked the idea of being her husband, he still wasn't sure what to do with it. He didn't feel comfortable kissing her, or even holding her really. He didn't know what to do, but he desperately wanted to make the look of pain in her eyes go away.  
Monica closed her eyes when his hand touched her face, trying to keep the tears from escaping her eyes. She couldn't cry. Chandler was going through enough. He didn't need to see how upset she was. But he was right. The fact that he couldn't remember was tearing her up. She had broken down in tears as soon as Ross and Rachel had returned from Chandler's room and taken Matthew home. Even when Phoebe and Joey returned to the waiting room, she had had to sit there for a long time before she felt ready to go back into his room. Now that it had sunk in, it was so much harder to deal with. It had been almost - fun - to tell him they were married and had a son. But now, she felt only heartache. And she didn't know what she was supposed to do. Was she supposed to tell him how much she loved him? Hold him? Kiss him? Act like a wife or like his friend Monica? She finally opened his eyes and looked at him. He was watching her, his eyes intent. Probably wanting some sort of sign as much as she did.   
"Monica?" His voice was soft, scared, unsure. She couldn't bear the uncertainty. He reached for her hand, and held it tightly, trying to find some sort of stable ground. All he knew was that she was the only thing he wasn't scared of. "Monica, please. Don't cry." He was pleading, just as he always had. He hated to see her cry. Monica wiped a hand across her eyes, and looked toward the ceiling, trying to get control of herself. Chandler released her hand, and reached for her shoulder, pulling her gently down onto the bed and into his arms.  
After a moment of uncertainty, she relaxed a little and allowed herself the comfort of his arms. He held her close and stroked her hair gently, hoping she would calm down. He hated to see her upset. They needed to talk about some things. He still had a lot of questions. And he had to know how she wanted him to act, what he was supposed to do. For a fleeting moment, he let himself think about how perfectly she seemed to fit into his arms, but he pushed the thought away quickly. He couldn't handle it right now.  
Meanwhile, Monica just closed her eyes and let herself think that everything was normal, as it should be. That Chandler was holding her like he always did - that his arms felt the same. But she knew something was different. She could feel it in her heart, even if everything else seemed perfectly normal. She suddenly started and pulled away.   
"Chandler, I can't..." She saw the surprise and the quick flash of pain in his eyes when she pulled away. "It's not... I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I can't pretend that everything is okay. I can't just let myself think that you know who I am. It just - it hurts." She stood up, and moved a couple of steps away from the bed.  
"I know. It hurts me too. Because I don't know what normal is for us. Normal to me is sitting next to you on the couch at your place, listening to you complain about your mother. To me, normal is having you as my best friend. Normal is...anything but what I woke up to today. But I like the thought of this new life. I can see that I was happy, Monica. How could I not be happy, if I'm sharing a life with you? I want to remember, Monica. You don't know how badly I want to remember."  
Monica glanced at him and sighed. She knew she had to get past her doubt and fear. Chandler needed her. He had to be feeling terrible, and she wasn't helping any. She made herself look into his eyes, and melted at the combination of uncertainty and concern for her. She bit her lip, then reached for his hand.  
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry that this happened, and that I'm acting like this. But I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here. Chandler...I know that you don't remember...us...but I love you. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. You, my darling, are my life. And maybe I shouldn't be saying this, but I can't look at you and not say it. So just tell me what you want me to do. How I should act, what I should say. Because I'm completely lost here. Maybe even more lost than you are."  
Chandler couldn't hide his smile when he heard her saying that she loved him. He had honestly thought he'd never hear those words from her, but she was saying them. He squeezed the hand that held his, and lifted it to his lips, kissing her fingers.  
"Thank you. I'm glad we're lost together."  
Monica smiled. She had seen the smile that crossed his face when she said she loved him. Abruptly, she changed the subject, hoping to make herself think about something else.  
"Why'd you call Matthew 'Matty'?"  
Chandler looked at her, surprised by the sudden question.  
"Umm...I don't know. You called him that when you were telling me about him. I just...I guess it just slipped out. Is that, um, okay? Should I not have called him that?"  
"No, no. It's fine. In fact, it was good. We, um, we don't call him that very often. It's kind of a special nickname for him. I think it made him feel better when you used it today. I just, um, wondered." She paused for a moment, then spoke again, quietly.  
"You were great with him. I guess that proves that I was right when I said you were a natural daddy. You did and said exactly what he needed."  
Chandler smiled and looked down.   
"He's wonderful, Mon. He's so cute, and so well-behaved, and so...perfect."  
"I know. He is. He's...the best thing that ever happened to me, to us."  
Chandler nodded. "I can believe that." He looked at her closely, then grinned. "So, you finally got your dream, huh Mon? Happily married, with a beautiful kid... Who would have ever thought I would be the one to give it to you?"  
Monica laughed. "Nobody, that's for sure. Even our friends were dubious once they finally found out we were together."  
"Yeah, so why did we keep it a secret?"  
Monica paused for a moment, debating on whether to tell him. She was afraid to tell him too much. She finally decided to tell him, but not to give him all the details.  
"Um, when we first got together, it wasn't supposed to last. It was just supposed to be a London thing. So, we didn't tell anyone. When we got back to New York, it continued, but the secrecy made it exciting, so we kept it that way. It was really fun, actually, sneaking around, trying to find time together without raising their suspicions. Finally, Joey figured it out, but we made him keep it a secret, because we didn't want to turn into Ross and Rachel. And we didn't want the added pressure of our friends getting involved, especially if it didn't work out."  
"But everyone did find out?"  
"Yeah."  
"How'd they react?"  
"They were really happy for us. It's a long story, but when they confronted us, you said you loved me. It was the first time you said that. So, they were just happy that we had both found someone to love."  
"Did you say it back?"  
Monica gazed at him, a soft smile crossing her face. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."  
Chandler smiled, too, trying to imagine the scene. "It must have been wonderful."  
"It was."  
"Monica...What made you fall for me? How did I ever make a woman like you love me? You said I'd always be the guy that peed on you."  
Monica smiled at the memory, then looked at her husband. "I didn't have a choice. It was fate. And once it started, I didn't look back. I fell, head over heels. And the best part was that I fell in love with my best friend."  
"It sounds like everything was perfect."  
"Not perfect. We had our times. I mean, up to the minute you proposed you had commitment issues. And every marriage has its moments. But none of it ever mattered in the end."  
Chandler was quiet for a moment as he contemplated that. Monica gazed at him, aching to touch him, to kiss him. After a long moment, she spoke, knowing that she had to have an answer to her questions too.  
"What am I supposed to do Chandler? Am I supposed to act like your wife, or just your friend? Do I kiss you good night? Is it okay to hold you? Can I say that I love you? Do I just hold your hand and talk to you? How...what are we supposed to be?"  
"I don't know, Monica. I don't know what to do either. When you kissed me today, when Matthew was here, it was amazing. I wanted to kiss you again, but I don't know...I don't know whether it's Husband Chandler inside me that wants to, or if it's just...a natural impulse to kiss a beautiful woman. And you would not believe what it feels like to hear you say that you love me, but ... I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know what to do either."  
Monica gave him a tiny smile and got up from the bed, walking over to the window. She gazed out at the lights of New York, wondering what she was supposed to say now. After a moment, she turned back to him, but didn't move from the window.  
"I want to be your wife, Chandler. I want to act like your wife. But, I don't want to be the wife of a man that has no idea what our marriage is. And I know you'll remember. I hope that it's soon, sweetie. Because I don't know how long I can stand it. But until you do, I think it's best if we leave things the way you know them. I don't want to scare you, pressure you, try to make you feel things that aren't there. It might just make it that much harder for you to remember. And I think it would tear me apart to pretend that we're in a happy marriage when I know that you don't..."  
Chandler watched her carefully, and couldn't help but feel relief at her words. He didn't want that either. He didn't want to feel like he was playing a role, and he knew that's exactly what he would be doing. Besides, he had enough to worry about without trying to figure out what to do about Monica.  
"I agree. I think it's best if we don't...pretend. For both of us. But, Mon, what about Matthew?"  
Monica paused, contemplating. Matthew needed to see his parents as he knew them.  
"I don't know. Maybe we should just tell him..."  
"Do you think that's a good idea?"  
"No...No, I don't think that's a good idea. I think Matthew needs normal. He's been through a lot the past couple of weeks, with you away from home. And, poor boy, he's spent much more time with Ross and Rachel than he has with me. Most of the time I was there, he was asleep. I know he wouldn't understand the concept of amnesia. I think he would just be hurt to know that you don't remember us."  
"If normal is what Matthew needs, then normal is what we'll give him. Mon, we both know that our own discomfort doesn't mean anything if he needs something else. So, when he's around, we'll hug and kiss, like I assume we usually do. When he's not, we're...friends."  
It hurt him to say it, though he wasn't sure why. He did see her flinch, though, as if his words were a physical blow. He watched her helplessly as she nodded slowly, turning back toward the window again. When she spoke, he knew that she had turned to hide her tears.  
"Friends."  
"Monica, if-"  
"No, Chandler. You're right. It's best if we're just friends. Until-"  
She didn't finish, but Chandler knew he could finish the thought. Until I remember. When I remember, everything will be as it should be. If I only knew what that was.  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....Sometime soon, I hope. =)  



	5. Chapter Five

Here's Part Five! We pick up about a week after the end of Part Four. Chandler has finished his final chemotherapy treatments and is getting ready to go home.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.   
*Song Lyrics are from "I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain and "Please Remember" by Leann Rimes. And quotes from the show were not written by me, but by the brilliant people that write the show.  
  
  
Monica stopped outside his door, and braced herself for another afternoon of awkwardness. Nothing in her life had seemed natural since Chandler woke up with amnesia. She had gone back to work a few days ago, for a couple of hours a day, so she hadn't been able to visit him as much as she had before. But, although she felt guilty for feeling this way, she was secretly relieved that she couldn't be expected to spend all her time with Chandler in the hospital. She felt like every word she spoke was forced, and most of the time she was silent, unable to come up with anything to say. She could barely even look at him without crying, so she tried not to. She knew Chandler felt the awkwardness too, but he tried his best to ignore it, to pretend like everything was okay. Even though he was the one in the hospital bed, he tried to cheer her up, to reassure her, just like he always had. It wasn't his fault it wasn't working.  
  
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he would be coming home. They would be living together again. She had hoped that his memory would miraculously resurface, but it hadn't yet. Every time she entered the room, she hoped that he would greet her with a smile, and then whisper those magical words. "I remember." But he hadn't.  
  
She took a deep breath, and entered his room quietly in case he was sleeping. As soon as he heard her at the door, his eyes opened, and he turned to her with a smile.  
  
"Hey Mon."  
  
"Hey." She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, and smiled. "How are you?"  
  
"Anxious to get out of here. You?"  
  
"Fine, fine. And you don't have much longer. Then you'll be home again."  
  
"Home…" He paused, thinking about the word. "You haven't told me yet, Mon. Where's home?"  
  
Monica paused, contemplating what she should say. She had hoped to surprise him, but she didn't want him to worry about what to expect.   
  
"We still live in apartment 20. But, we also bought 22, and knocked the wall out between them, just after we found out Matthew was on the way. You and I share my room, and Matthew has Rachel's old room. The other apartment had two bedrooms as well. For now, one is your office, and the other is an extra bedroom. We also expanded the kitchen, and added another bathroom. It's really nice, actually, and it's perfect for us."  
  
"Wow, sounds wonderful. At least something will be somewhat familiar."   
  
"Well, it looks a lot different now. Don't come in expecting it to be just like it was when we all hung out there."  
  
"The weirdest thing will be not having Rachel and Joey around."  
  
"Yeah. It's definitely different."  
  
"Do Ross and Rachel live nearby?"  
  
"Not too far. It's about ten minutes away."  
  
Chandler nodded, trying to think of something to keep the conversation going, but coming up empty. He hated feeling so uncomfortable with her. He was used to being able to talk to her about anything. He glanced at Monica, who was obviously trying to do the same thing. After a moment, she looked up, relief at having discovered a topic for conversation evident in her eyes.  
  
"Joey and Phoebe are going to stay with us for couple of days, until they leave to go back to L.A. They wanted to stay and make sure you were settled before they left. I told them they could have the guest room, and I'd sleep in Matthew's room until they went home. There's an extra bed in there."  
  
She didn't miss Chandler's surprise at this statement. She gazed back at him questioningly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I, um…I guess I hadn't thought about the sleeping arrangements either. You - You don't have to give up your room, Monica. I'll sleep with Matthew."  
  
"No." Even Monica was surprised by the forcefulness of her voice. "No. It's just as much your room as it is mine. Besides, you'll be more comfortable there. And you need to get your strength back."  
  
Chandler looked at her for a long moment before conceding.  
  
"Okay. But only until I'm feeling a little better."  
  
Monica nodded, and Chandler almost laughed at the triumphant gleam in her eyes.  
  
"By the way, before I forget, Ross's birthday is coming up, and I've already told Mom and Dad we'd host the party. But, now, with everything…Do you think you'll feel up to a party in a couple of weeks? I'm sure they'll understand if we back out."  
  
Chandler thought about it for a moment. He was really feeling much better than he thought he would be. The chemo was over, and the doctors seemed pleased with his prognosis. While he still felt generally weak and achy, he was sure he'd feel fine - physically - in plenty of time for a party.  
  
"I think I'll be okay. Two weeks is a long time, and I'm already feeling better. It won't be anything major will it? A party I think I can take, but playing host at some big shindig might be a little much."  
  
"Oh, no. It'll be fairly small. Just us, my parents, Ross, Rachel, and a few other people. Some friends from work and all. I'm sure no one will complain if you need to go lay down or something."  
  
"Sounds fine." He suddenly looked up at her and smiled. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Of course."   
  
"Well, since we are hosting this party together and all, would you, um, be my date?"  
  
Monica smiled at the nervous look that crossed his face. In some ways, she liked his shyness. It was as endearing as it was frustrating.  
  
"Of course I'll be your date. You don't have to ask, Chandler. I'm your wife."  
  
"But I wanted to ask. Just to hear you say that you would."  
  
Monica smiled at him, then jumped up after a glance at her watch.  
  
"I'm sorry, honey, but I have to go take care of some menu things at the restaurant. We have a huge dinner party tomorrow, and obviously I won't be there, since I'll be busy getting you settled in. I promised them I'd come by and check the final arrangements, since the staff has been doing everything by themselves for a few weeks now. If I want to keep my job, I've got to at least check in."  
  
"That's fine, Mon. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow then?"  
  
"Tomorrow. I'll have the apartment all ready for you."  
  
"Sounds great." He smiled, hoping to mask his apprehension, which was mirrored in Monica's eyes. She leaned over to kiss him quickly on the forehead, then headed out the door, calling out instructions for food and rest as she went. Chandler just nodded and smiled, knowing that she worried about him far too much. When the door closed behind him, he leaned his head back against his pillow, contemplating what would happen tomorrow. He was going home. Home, to Monica and Matthew. It should have been a comforting thought, but he was scared. As much as he hated his hospital bed, it was familiar. He wasn't sure he was quite ready to go home.  
  
  
  
"Here we are!" Monica unlocked the door and took Chandler's hand, leading him into their apartment. Ross and Joey, who had tagged along to help get Chandler home and settled, entered with them. Rachel, Phoebe, Jackson, and Matthew were waiting in the living room. As soon as Matthew saw Chandler, he ran to him and hugged his leg. Monica and Rachel had already warned him that Chandler wouldn't be able to pick him up, so he was content just to cling to him.  
  
"Welcome home, Daddy!" Chandler smiled at his son, placing a hand on Matthew's head in greeting.   
  
"Hey, Matthew. It's good to be home."  
  
Chandler turned his attention away from Matthew and surveyed his surroundings, his eyes wide.  
  
"Wow. Mon, it's perfect."  
  
Monica beamed at the awe in his voice, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek, her excitement over his homecoming pushing away the uncertainty she felt about their relationship.   
  
"I know! Now, this is the kitchen of course. And the rest of this side is similar to what you remember. That's our bedroom, and that's Matthew's. The bathroom is in the same place. Your office is on the right over there, and Phoebe and Joey will be staying in the room on the left." She gave him a moment to look around, knowing that seeing the familiar apartment so different would be a difficult adjustment.  
  
Chandler let his eyes take in the half that he knew, which didn't look that much different except for the wider kitchen, then his eyes followed the room around to the new half. Monica was right. The addition of what used to be the apartment next door gave them tons of space. He wondered what they did with all of it.   
  
"Come on, sweetie. I'll show you the bedroom, and we'll get you settled. You know the doctors said you needed a few more days of rest."  
  
Chandler nodded, then allowed Monica to guide him across the living room to the room they shared together, leaving Matthew chattering excitedly with Ross and Joey, telling them about all the things he'd done with Aunt Rachel and Aunt Phoebe while they were at the hospital. At the door to the bedroom, Chandler stopped. He'd been in Monica's room plenty of times, and had even been locked in there once, when Ross and Rachel were having it out after Ross slept with the copy shop girl. He was surprised at how different it looked now. Monica had painted it a light green, and the bedspread wasn't as frilly as hers had once been. Looking around, he could see some of his own things scattered around. He decided the room looked like something that would belong to both him and Monica.  
  
"It's nice." Monica glanced at him, wondering why he was so surprised.  
  
"Did you think it wouldn't be?" Her teasing voice brought him out of his own thoughts, and he blushed slightly.  
  
"No, of course not. I just…It's so different."  
  
"Well, you complained endlessly about the "girl's room" when we first started dating, so we changed it when you moved in."  
  
She helped him into the bed, and pulled the covers to about his waist. "You okay?"  
  
"Fine. Thanks."  
  
"Of course. Do you want anything? Water?"  
  
"No, Mon. I'm fine, really."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm sure. I promise, if I need something, I'll let you know. I know how much you like to mother people."  
  
Monica smiled and started arranging the blankets around him again. "Especially you." Though she said it under her breath, Chandler heard and had to hide a smile. He reached for her hand.  
  
"It's nice to see you smiling again. You haven't been doing much of that lately. I understand why, of course, but it's still nice to see you happy again. I was worried about you."  
  
Monica glanced at him, then sat down on the bed. "I think I should be the one worrying about you, not the other way around." But she smiled again, unable to hide her delight at having him home again, even if it wasn't like she had hoped it would be.  
  
Chandler nodded, and was about to speak again when Matthew waltzed into the room.  
  
"Daddy…" Chandler and Monica both smiled at his singsong voice, knowing that that look on his face meant he was up to something.  
  
"What is it, Matthew?" Monica's tone was suspicious, and Chandler smiled again as he thought about how mother-like she sounded.  
  
"Nothing, Mommy!" Matthew's voice was indignant. Monica looked at him with raised eyebrows for a moment, and Matthew looked back, his eyes wide and innocent. Matthew broke first, and his face broke into a smile as he shrugged.  
  
"Well, Aunt Rachel and me made Daddy a surprise. I was just gonna bring it to him, Mommy." Monica laughed as Matthew rolled his eyes.   
  
"Oh, sweetheart, that was sweet of you. What did you make Daddy?"  
  
"Cookies!" Even Chandler laughed at the exuberant smile on Matthew's face, and whispered to Monica so that Matthew couldn't hear.   
  
"Are you sure he's not Joey's?" Immediately, he wished he hadn't said it. His joking nature sometime got him in trouble, and he wasn't sure how Monica would react to that comment. He was relieved when she only laughed, and held out her arms to her son. He bounded into them, cuddling against her as she kissed his forehead.  
  
"What kind of cookies did you make Daddy?"  
  
"Chocolate chip. Aunt Rachel said that they're Daddy's favorites."  
  
"She's right. They are my favorites." Chandler reached over to tousle Matthew's hair. "So are you going to bring me some?"  
  
"Yeah!" Matthew scrambled off of Monica's lap, and charged back out of the bedroom, yelling for Rachel as he went.  
  
"Are you sure you can handle cookies, Chandler?"  
  
Chandler nodded and smiled. "I'll only eat one or two. Besides, my little boy made them for me. How can I say no to that?"   
  
Matthew reentered the room, carefully balancing a small plate of cookies, while Rachel followed with some glasses and a carton of milk.  
  
"Here you go, Chandler." Rachel leaned over to set her tray down, and whispered quietly to Chandler. "I watched him every second, so they're fine."  
  
Chandler laughed and turned to Matthew.  
  
"These look wonderful. You must have inherited your mother's cooking ability."  
  
Matthew nodded, his mouth already full of cookie. "Uh-huh."  
  
"I'll just leave you two to enjoy your snack." Monica kissed Matthew on top of the head, then did the same for Chandler. "Take care of your dad, Matty."  
  
Chandler looked up at her, perplexed. "You don't want to have cookies with us, Mon?"  
  
"Nah, I need to talk to Rachel about Ross's party anyway. You two enjoy yourselves."  
  
"Okay, if you're sure."  
  
Monica rose and walked out the door, then stopped and turned to look back at them. She didn't need to talk to Rachel. She just wanted to give Matthew some time alone with Chandler, and vice versa. She could feel a lump forming in her throat as she watched her son chattering excitedly with Chandler, and Chandler laughing in turn. After a moment, she turned away, and went to grab a cookie from the plate Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel were congregated around. Even though her friends were talking animatedly, she didn't bother trying to listen. Instead, she found herself straining to hear Chandler's low voice, and Matthew's responding giggles.  
  
  
  
"Matthew! Time for bed, sweetie!" Monica didn't have to look for him. She knew he was in Chandler's room, as always. Their son had barely left his father's side in the week since Chandler had returned home. He even took naps by his father's side, and Monica had snuck in more than once with a camera to capture the image of her husband and son sleeping together on the bed. Monica couldn't blame Matthew for wanting to be near his father, but she worried that the two-year-old's constant presence was draining Chandler. He should be resting and recovering, rather than entertaining a little boy. But Chandler didn't complain, and Monica knew he enjoyed getting to know his son all over again.  
  
Matthew came slowly out of Chandler's room, rubbing his eyes. Monica picked him up and kissed his cheeks as she carried him into his room to change him into pajamas.   
  
"Somebody looks tired. Did you wear Daddy out too?"  
  
"Mm hmmm." He lifted his arms for her to take off his t-shirt and replace it with the soft pajama top. "We were playing Batman."  
  
"Batman, huh? I know you're always Batman, sweetie, but who was Daddy?"  
  
"The Joker." Chandler, the funny one, would be the joker. She smiled at her son as she sat down on the bed beside him and pulled him onto her lap. Matthew wrapped his arms around her neck and buried his head against her shoulder.   
  
"I love you, Matty."  
  
"I love you too, Matty." Monica looked up, surprised to see Chandler standing in the doorway, watching the scene with teary eyes.  
  
"Chandler, you shouldn't be out of bed."  
  
"Oh, Monica. I'm fine. I've been home for a week, and I'm dying to be ANYWHERE but that bed. Besides, I think it's time Matthew gets his bedtime story in here, instead of coming into our room so I can read to him, then having to wake up again to come back in here."  
  
Monica looked at him for a moment, trying to decide whether to concede the point or try to get him back into the bed. Chandler decided for her when he came into the room, and sat down on the bed, putting an arm around her shoulders, and kissing the sleepy Matthew on the cheek.  
  
"What'll be tonight, Matthew?"  
  
Matthew shifted slightly in Monica's arms so he could look at Chandler, and smiled. "Read the Moon book, Daddy."  
  
Chandler glanced at Monica, wondering which one was the moon book. Monica put Matthew in his arms, then went to the small bookcase, choosing one from the top shelf.   
  
"Goodnight Moon. He loves it."  
  
Chandler put Matthew down on his bed, and pulled the covers over him. He lay down on one side of Matthew, with his arm around him, while Monica laid on the other. Chandler opened the book and began to read, as Matthew cuddled up against him, listening dreamily. Chandler and Monica switched off, page by page, as Matthew drifted off to sleep, tucked securely between his parents. Chandler read the last page, then shut the book carefully. He glanced at Monica, who was watching Matthew contentedly. Chandler got up slowly, kissed Matthew gently on the head, then came around the bed and held out a hand to Monica. After dropping a kiss on Matthew's forehead, Monica took Chandler's hand and allowed him to lead her out of the room.  
  
"So, you're the Joker, are you?"  
  
Chandler grinned, and sat down on the couch. "Don't you think it's fitting?"  
  
"A little too fitting I think." Monica sat down next to him, and Chandler put his arm on the back of the couch, resting his hand on her arm.  
  
"So how are you doing, Mon? You okay?"  
  
"Don't you think I should be asking you that?"  
  
"I'm fine. Glad to be out of the bed, so please don't put me back!"  
  
Monica smiled at the desperate face he made. "I won't. Not yet anyway."  
  
"Soo… Wanna answer the question? Please?"  
  
Monica thought about it for a second before she answered.   
  
"Yes, I'm okay. I'm not going to pretend for a second that it doesn't bother me that you still don't remember. And I would be lying if I told you I wasn't worried about it. But, it's easier now than it was at first. I guess I'm just getting used to this."  
  
Chandler pulled her closer, and Monica self-consciously rested her head on his shoulder.   
  
"This okay?" Chandler spoke softly, unsure of how much was too far. They'd often cuddled together on the couch when they were friends, but he wasn't sure how she would react to it now. In the week he had been home, they had kissed occasionally, always on the cheek or forehead, and hugged a few times, but there hadn't been very much contact. He knew she was still feeling awkward, having to revert back to "just friends" after being used to a husband, and he didn't want to push her. But he enjoyed having her close to him. It made him feel safe.  
  
"Yeah, it's fine." Monica sighed, then turned a little so she facing him. She rested her hand on his chest, and closed her eyes, feeling comfortable there for the first time since he came out of surgery. "In fact, it's nice."  
  
"Yeah, it is."  
  
Chandler turned the t.v. on and started flipping channels, looking for something interesting. He gave up quickly, and turned to Monica.  
  
"Hey, Mon-" He stopped when he saw that she was fast asleep. He carefully lifted her head off his shoulder and laid her down on the couch, knowing she would kill him if he exerted himself to carry her into her room like he wanted to. After covering her carefully with the afghan thrown across the back of the couch, he kissed her gently on her temple, then sat on the coffee table for a while, watching her sleep.   
  
Finally, he went into the bedroom and closed the door, lying down on the bed. The room - especially the bed - smelled like Monica. He'd noticed it the first night he had been home, but had grown used it in the meantime. Tonight, though, he inhaled deeply, and reached for her pillow. He held it tightly against him as he fell asleep, thinking about the woman asleep on the couch in the living room and the way his heart beat just a little faster every time he was near her. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he knew that he was somehow happier when she was close by.  
  
  
  
"So?"  
  
Monica looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and glanced at Rachel questioningly.  
  
"So…what?"  
  
"So, how are you coping with all this? How's Chandler doing?"  
  
Monica sighed and put down the knife. She sat down at the table with Rachel, who was wrapping a gift for Ross, and reached for the scissors and ribbon to tie a bow for her.  
  
"Chandler's fine. He's feeling almost as good as new, and everything seems to be okay. With the exception of, you know, his memory, he's made a complete recovery. He's at the park with Matthew now. Me, on the other hand…"  
  
Rachel stopped what she was doing and hugged her friend.  
  
"You sure you're up to this tonight?"   
  
Monica shrugged and stood up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Besides, it's too late to change Ross's party. I wish Joey and Phoebe could have stayed a little longer, so they could be here tonight."  
  
"Yeah, it still seems strange to have any big event without them doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, it does. Makes you wonder why things have to change…"  
  
"Mon? Are you sure you're okay? 'Cause you know I'll listen if you want to talk about it."  
  
Monica bit her lip and looked at her best friend, the truth evident in her eyes. Finally, she sat down and looked at Rachel honestly.  
  
"I'm scared, Rach. What if…What if he doesn't ever remember? What are we supposed to do then? I can't imagine having to do this for the rest of my life. I can't just go on indefinitely…pretending I don't love him, acting like I don't want to just throw myself into his arms and cry on his shoulder, keeping secrets from him." She paused and looked up.  
  
"I've started having morning sickness. It's not too bad yet, and I don't think he's even realized it. But I've been nauseous and really, really tired. It's only a matter of time before he figures out that something's wrong. And if he asks, I can't even tell him what it is. I think that's the worst part. I'm carrying his baby, and I can't share any of it with him."  
  
Monica broke down crying, and Rachel hugged her, shedding a few tears of her own.   
  
"I know this has to be hard for you, Mon. I can't even imagine what it's like. But it will all be okay. He's got to remember eventually. And every day that goes by brings it closer. You guys seem to be more normal lately. That has to be a good sign."  
  
"Yeah, actually, things between us are going really well. I feel…comfortable now, when I used to just be awkward. He tries so hard to pretend everything's okay. It's sweet, really. I mean, he's the one with amnesia and he's trying to make ME feel better about things. And, it's not a struggle anymore just to get through the days. I'm just worried. That he might never remember. That this relationship we have now is all we'll ever be again. And how in the world will I explain not telling him I'm pregnant if he doesn't remember before I start showing? Which will be soon. I'm already reluctant to wear anything too form-fitting. I don't know how he'll react if I tell him I've been keeping something like this a secret."  
  
"Just be patient, Mon. Everything will work out. He has to remember sooner or later."  
  
"God, I hope it's sooner." Monica stared at her hands for a minute, then jumped up.  
  
"I can't just sit here, I still have food to fix! And the party's in-" She glanced at the clock. "-five hours! Oh God, I'm have so much to do!"  
  
Rachel smiled, and went to put the gift she had just wrapped on the table with the others. "At least you're still the same, Mon."  
  
Monica turned to glare at her, and Rachel laughed as she went to help her finish the food, hoping the party preparations would keep Monica's mind off of Chandler.  
  
  
  
"Chandler, your mom will be here any minute. Will you make sure everything Matthew will need tonight is in his bag?"  
  
"Sure. So, are you sure it's a good idea to let Matthew stay a whole night with my mother?" He began rifling through Matthew's bag, pleased that he knew what things were necessary for a night away from home: his blanket and a stuffed dog to sleep with, his favorite pajamas, clothes for tomorrow, a book for bedtime, some toys, and a little bag of snacks, in case Nora didn't have anything he liked.  
  
"Yes, he'll be fine. I told you, your mother has settled down a bit since she became a grandmother. Besides, I don't really want to leave him with Rachel's sister. I mean, she's already taking care of Jack. And everyone else we know will be here at the party. Would you rather keep him awake all night with noise?"  
  
"Of course not. Just…my mom. She certainly screwed me up."  
  
"She did not. You're perfect. Besides, she can't do that much damage in one night. He'll be asleep most of the time anyway."  
  
Chandler turned away to hide his smile at her compliment, and picked up Matthew's bag, setting it down by the door.  
  
"He's all set."  
  
"Good. Now, everyone should start getting here in about an hour. I can get dressed as soon as Matthew leaves, and that will leave me about 30 minutes to set the food out and do a last clean sweep. We've got the table set up for the gifts, the cake's all-" She was interrupted by a knock at the door, and Chandler sighed in relief, his head spinning slightly from her monologue.  
  
"Saved by the door. Matthew! Grandma's here!" He opened the door for his mother, who kissed him quickly on the cheek and headed for Matthew who had run out of his room and straight to Nora.  
  
"Hey sweets. Is my boy ready for a night with Grandma?"  
  
Matthew nodded excitedly. "Yeah! I haven't been to your house in a long time."  
  
Nora picked Matthew up and finally turned her attention to Chandler and Monica.  
  
"You're looking well, Chandler. It's good to see you on your feet."  
  
"Thanks, Mom. I had a good nurse."  
  
"She is the best, isn't she?" Nora hugged Monica, who smiled and blushed a little.  
  
"Thanks, Nora. Now, everything he needs is in his bag. We'll pick him up tomorrow afternoon, if that's okay?"  
  
"Perfect. You children have fun tonight, and don't worry. I'll take good care of my grandson."  
  
"Thanks Mom." "Thanks Nora." Chandler and Monica kissed Matthew goodbye, and he waved to them all the way down the hall.  
  
"Have fun sweetie! We'll see you tomorrow!"  
  
"Bye, bye!"   
  
As soon as Nora and Matthew disappeared down the stairs, Monica turned and ran for the guest room.  
  
"Gotta get dressed! I got your black suit dry-cleaned, Chandler. It's in the closet. Wear your blue shirt and the black tie."  
  
Chandler smiled at her anxiety, which he knew all too well, and ambled toward their room.  
  
"Yes ma'am!"  
  
He dressed quickly, and checked his hair in the mirror before walking back out into the kitchen. He retrieved the white rose he had asked Rachel to buy for him earlier that day from the back of the fridge, and went to sit on the couch and wait.   
  
"Mon, how long does it take to put on a dress?"  
  
"Shut up Chandler!"  
  
He could hear the laughter in her voice, and couldn't help but smile. He was a little nervous about the evening, but he wanted to make it special for her. Monica deserved a break from the harsh reality she had been living lately, and he wanted to give her that.  
  
He heard the door open, and turned to look at her as she emerged slowly from the bedroom, smiling at him shyly. Her hair was up, and her backless black dress was gorgeous. It was a little less revealing than she usually wore, but suited her perfectly. A simple pearl necklace was around her neck.   
  
"God, Monica. You look…amazing."   
  
"Thank you." Her voice was soft as she gazed back at him, both of them feeling the electricity of the moment. Monica finally broke the moment as she smiled and walked over to him, reaching up to straighten his tie. "You look pretty amazing yourself."  
  
Chandler suddenly remembered the rose in his hand, and held it out to her, smiling self-consciously.  
  
"Um, this is for you."  
  
"Oh, Chandler. You didn't have to do that."  
  
"I wanted to. This is kind of like our first date for me."  
  
Monica nodded, looking up at him with a slight smile on her face. "Thank you. It's beautiful."  
  
"So are you." He automatically started to lean in and kiss her, but changed his mind and let his lips graze her forehead instead. They looked into each other's eyes for a long time, before Monica finally stepped back and broke eye contact.  
  
"Okay, I've got to put out the food, and put the candles on the cake, and pick out some cds…"  
  
Chandler laughed, hoping to cover up his disappointment. "What can I do?"  
  
"Will you put the wine over on that table? And get out the liquor and some glasses."  
  
"Of course."   
  
Monica was just placing the cake on the center table when someone knocked on the door.  
  
"Oh no, the guests are here!"  
  
Chandler, who had opened the door, just smiled. "It's just your parents, Mon. Besides, everything's ready."  
  
"Oh…you're right. Hey Mom. Hey Dad."   
  
"Hello, Monica. Has my grandson already left?"  
  
"Yeah, Chandler's mom picked him up a few minutes ago."  
  
"Oh, we had hoped to see him before he left. You should have had Nora wait till we got here."  
  
"Mom, Nora has things to take care of too. Besides, it's a little late for Matthew to just be leaving. He'll want to play with Nora before he goes to bed."  
  
"Did you make sure he took his favorite blanket with him? You know he won't sleep without it."  
  
"Yes, I know." Monica gritted her teeth. "I AM his mother."  
  
Chandler placed a hand on Monica's back, hoping to calm her down. He could see that things had not improved much between mother and daughter.   
  
"Matthew has everything he needs. Monica always double-checks…and then has me check a third and fourth time." Chandler smiled as he spoke, and he caught Monica's grateful look.   
  
"Everything looks wonderful. My little Harmonica sure knows how to throw a party." Jack Geller broke the tension and kissed his daughter on the cheek, hoping Judy would behave. Monica certainly had enough on her mind without fighting with her mother.  
  
"Thanks Dad. I try." Monica cast one more frustrated look toward her mother, who was paying no attention, and went to put ice on the drink table.  
  
The guests started to arrive a few minutes later, and Monica threw herself into the role of hostess. Chandler watched her as he chatted with Doug, his old boss. Monica was pouring drinks, and talking to one of Rachel's friends from work. After a moment, she glanced toward him and he caught her eye. She smiled, and Chandler smiled back, then forced his attention back to Doug.  
  
"…coming back to work?"  
  
"Huh…Sorry, Doug, I was looking at my wife." He smiled as he thought about how easy it was for him to call her his wife. "What were you saying?"  
  
Doug smiled and glanced toward Monica. "You're a lucky man, Chandler. I hope you know that."  
  
"Oh, I do. I do. What were you saying?"  
  
"I was asking when you thought you might be coming back to work. I hear that department of yours is suffering without the boss there."  
  
"Oh…Um, I don't know. I haven't thought about it really. But, actually, I feel fine. I don't see why I can't be back in a couple of weeks."  
  
"Great. We miss you around there, buddy." Dough slapped him on the butt and walked away. Chandler grimaced, and wished that some of the things that were still the same had changed after all.  
  
Chandler was walking toward Monica when the door opened to reveal Ross and Rachel. With the arrival of the birthday boy, the atmosphere of the party changed, and attention turned to Ross. It was fifteen minutes before Chandler could make his way to his brother-in-law and wish him a happy birthday.  
  
"Thanks, man. Where's Mon?"  
  
"Uh…" Chandler glanced around the room, trying to locate her. "Over there. Pouring drinks."  
  
"Thanks. I'm going to go say hi." Ross walked away, and Chandler turned to Rachel.   
  
"Can I get you anything?"  
  
"Well, aren't we the gracious host?" Rachel teased him. "Thanks, Chandler, but I'm fine. Ross and I just ate dinner. I think I'll just go have a glass of wine."  
  
Chandler followed her over to the table, where Ross was hugging Monica and thanking her for the party.  
  
"Well, thank Chandler too. He helped me get ready. And he kept me calm, as usual." Monica winked at him, and Chandler smiled.  
  
"Ross, I love this song. Come dance with me, please?"   
  
Ross looked toward Monica and Chandler with raised eyebrows, and allowed Rachel to pull him to the middle of the room, where several couples were dancing, leaving Chandler and Monica alone.  
  
"So, do you need any help over here Monica?"  
  
"No, I think most people have drinks. I'm just gonna let them get their own from here on out. Do you think we should have Ross cut the cake?"  
  
"Sure. Wait till the song's over though. He looks pretty happy right where he is."  
  
Monica looked toward her brother and Rachel, who were swaying back and forth, kissing lightly.   
  
"Yeah. He does." Chandler caught the wistful note in her voice, and knew he was the reason for it. He suddenly felt terrible, and totally unsure of what to do. He wanted to ask her to dance, but had barely opened his mouth when he was interrupted.  
  
"Monica, Chandler, hi! It's so good to see you!"  
  
"Carol!" Monica hugged Ross's ex-wife, and turned to greet Susan. "Hey Susan. How are you?"  
  
"Great, great. How are you feeling Chandler?"  
  
"Oh, I'm feeling wonderful, thanks. Monica's been great. She had be back on my feet in no time."   
  
"Carol, how's Ben doing? It seems like ages since I've seen my nephew."  
  
"Oh, Ben's great. He can't stop talking about that baby though."  
  
"Ben's wonderful with Jack. I'm glad he's not jealous. Hey, will you guys excuse me? I'm going to get Ross to cut the cake."  
  
"Sure. Nice to see you guys."  
  
"You too." Monica went to turn the music down, then stepped up onto a chair so she could get everyone's attention.  
  
"Hey, everyone! It's now time for Ross to cut the cake! So tear yourself away from Rachel for a minute, big brother, and come on over here."  
  
Ross made his way over to the cake table, holding Rachel's hand, and picked up the knife. The guests cheered as he plunged the knife into it, almost like it was a wedding reception. Ross went to work handing out cake, and Monica went to help him. Chandler left them and went to sit on the couch, where Rachel joined him.  
  
"You okay, Chandler? You look a little tired."  
  
"Oh, I'm fine Rach. Better than I've felt in a while."  
  
"Okay. So, how's everything going with you guys?"  
  
Chandler glanced at her, then over at Monica, who was laughing as Ross tried to get a slice of cake on a plate without turning it over.  
  
"As well as can be expected. I can tell she's still really worried about the whole memory thing, but…"  
  
"You can't expect Monica not to worry."  
  
"So true."  
  
"What about you? How do you feel about it?"  
  
Chandler shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it.  
  
"I'm okay. I mean, I don't know what I'm missing. Not that I don't want to remember. I do. But I want to remember for Monica's sake as much as my own. This has to be horrible for her, having a husband that doesn't remember being married. But I think things are getting better between us. I'm not scared to hug her, or try to comfort her. And she lets me, that's the most important thing."   
  
"She's worried about you, Chandler. I'm not going to tell you it's not hard for her, but it's hard for her because she loves you, not because things are a bit awkward for her."  
  
Chandler nodded and looked toward his wife, thinking that she shouldn't be going through this. Not wanting to discuss the subject that the thought about constantly, he groped for a new topic. "So how's life in the Geller household?"  
  
Rachel looked confused for a moment, then smiled. "Perfect as always. Jack's growing so fast. Before we know it, he'll be as big as Matthew!"  
  
Chandler smiled at that, and launched into a recitation of all the cute things Matthew had said or done since Rachel saw him last. Rachel smiled at his animated face. It was easy to see how much Chandler loved Matthew. A few minutes later, they were interrupted by Ross.  
  
"I don't know why Monica had to bake such a big cake. That took forever!" Ross grinned and handed Rachel and Chandler each a piece of cake. He sat down beside Rachel, putting his arm around her.   
  
"It's about time you got finished with that. I want to dance with the birthday boy again."  
  
"Well, finish your cake and then maybe you can." Ross leaned in for a quick kiss, and Rachel laughed as she smeared a bit of frosting on his nose. Chandler rolled his eyes and spoke up.  
  
"Hey, Ross, where's Mon?"  
  
Ross looked around the room. "I don't know. Maybe she's cleaning up or something."  
  
"I'm going to go find her. You children have fun."  
  
"Oh, we will."  
  
Chandler walked off, leaving his friends cuddling on the couch. He glanced around the room, noting quickly that she wasn't there. There wasn't a big crowd for her to get lost in. He checked the bedroom to no avail. He was starting to get worried when he saw a solitary figure on the balcony, looking out over the city. He climbed out the window and joined her, slipping out of his jacket so he could drape it around her shoulders. She looked at him gratefully, and pulled it closer around her.  
  
"Thanks. I didn't realize I was cold."  
  
Chandler just nodded and stood next to her, leaning his elbows against the wall. He turned his head to look at her.   
  
"You okay?"  
  
Monica nodded and tried to smile. "I'm fine. I just wanted a few minutes away from the crowd."  
  
"You want me to leave you alone?"  
  
"No, stay. I like your company."  
  
They stood in silence for a moment, both looking out at the lights of the city. Inside, Chandler could hear the music changing to a song he knew Monica liked. He had heard her playing it several times over the past couple of weeks, when she was alone in her room, or thought he was asleep. Finally, he had the chance to ask her what he'd mean meaning to ask all night.  
  
"Dance with me, Mon?"  
  
She glanced toward the apartment, and recognized the familiar tune. She closed her eyes, hoping she would be able to stay in control. She didn't really want to dance, not to this song, but she couldn't say no.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Chandler stepped closer to her, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Monica placed her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't be able to tell if she started to cry. Of all songs, he had to pick this one…  
  
"These are the moments I know heaven must exist. These are moments, I know all I need is this. I have all I've waited for…and I could not ask for more."  
  
Chandler was more content than he could remember being. Holding Monica just felt right, and there was something about that song…  
  
"Who's singing this?"  
  
"Edwin McCain."  
  
"Great song."  
  
"Yeah, it's-" Monica stopped short, before she blurted out that it was the song they had danced to at the reception. "It's, um, a good song."  
  
Chandler placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head so she was looking at him. He could tell that she was a little upset, but decided not to question her. He already knew the answer. He smiled at her, and she smiled back hesitantly before returning her head to his shoulder.  
  
Monica tried to make herself forget what song they were dancing to, but she couldn't. After a moment, she pulled away and walked away from him, trying in vain to keep him from knowing she was crying. Chandler followed her, and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.   
  
"Mon?" The simple question only made her tears fall faster, and she leaned into his arms, trying to decide what she should say. She finally decided to tell him the truth. It wasn't like she was telling him what he said in his vows on their wedding day, or that she was two and a half months pregnant with his baby. There were still plenty of details for him to come up with on his own.  
  
"Chandler, that song…We danced to it at our wedding reception."  
  
Chandler sighed and held her closer, rubbing her back gently. He could see why she was so upset. This was obviously a song that meant a lot to them, and he didn't even know it. He didn't know what to say, so he just held her until she wiped her eyes and stepped back.  
  
"I'm sorry, Chandler. I just - Sometimes it's so hard."  
  
"I know. I know. I'm sorry too. I just…I didn't know. And that's the whole problem, isn't it?"  
  
Monica looked up at him and saw the frustration in his eyes.  
  
"Chandler, don't. It's not your fault. I should have told you when you asked me to dance, but…" He hugged her again as she trailed off.   
  
"Mon, I'm so, so sorry that I'm putting you through this. But you've been so great. You don't know how much better you've made me feel about all this. I just wish there was something I could do to make you feel better."  
  
Monica pulled away, wiping her eyes and trying a smile.  
  
"You have. Just by being you. You always manage to make me feel better."  
  
Chandler hugged her again, and when Monica broke the hug, she looked more peaceful.  
  
"God, I must look horrible. Do I have mascara all over my face?'  
  
"You look beautiful."  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin our 'date'."  
  
"You couldn't. Besides, who can blame you for being upset?"  
  
Monica shrugged slightly, and kissed him on the cheek before she turned to return to the party. "Coming?"  
  
"Right behind you."  
  
He followed her in, and felt her reach for his hand as they joined the other guests. Somehow, knowing that she was reaching out to him made his heart beat a little faster. He squeezed hers back, knowing that they had somehow taken a very important step towards each other out on the balcony.   
  
Chandler noticed Judy in the corner talking to Mrs. Green, and discreetly steered Monica away, towards Ross, who was looking on as Rachel opened his gifts and exclaimed over each one.  
  
  
  
"Bye guys!"  
  
"Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Happy birthday Ross!"  
  
"Good night!"  
  
Chandler closed the door, and looked at Monica, who walked over and flopped down on the couch, exhausted. He followed her and sat down beside her, removing his tie as he did so.  
  
"That was a great party Monica. I had a good time."  
  
"Thank you. You were a great date." Her voice was teasing, and Chandler felt relieved that she seemed to have forgotten about the balcony incident and relaxed. He stood and went into the kitchen, pouring them each a glass of wine.  
  
"Here. I don't think you even took the time to pour yourself a drink tonight."  
  
"Oh, no Chandler. I can't drink that." She said it before she had time to think. When she saw the surprised look on his face, she scrambled for a way out, trying to come up with a plausible reason why she couldn't drink.  
  
"You don't like wine anymore?"  
  
"Um…well, actually no. I stopped drinking it when I was pregnant…with Matthew…and I just lost my taste for it I guess."  
  
Chandler looked at her suspiciously, then shrugged and put both glasses down.   
  
"Well, I probably shouldn't drink it either."  
  
Monica smiled slightly, relieved that he hadn't asked questions. She gazed at him for a moment, wondering if she was imagining the loving look in his eyes. Chandler finally broke the stare, and stood up, pulling her with him.   
  
"Stay right there. There's something we need to do."  
  
He walked over to the stereo and looked through their cds for a minute before finding the one he wanted. As he put it in and found the track, he turned to look at her.  
  
"I know you used to like this song a lot. I hope you still do…But I think it's perfect for us tonight. So, since our last one didn't turn out quite so well, and since I'm dying to try it again, will you honor me with a dance?"  
  
Monica smiled and nodded. Chandler hit the play button and came to her. Monica eyes filled with tears yet again when she heard the beginning chords. Chandler pulled her gently into his arms, and she willingly leaned against him, feeling comfortable there instead of the usual longing. Chandler kissed her gently on the top of her head, and leaned his cheek against hers as they started to sway to the music.  
  
"Someday, when I'm awfully low,   
when the world is cold,   
I will feel a glow just thinking of you…  
and the way you look tonight.  
Oh, but you're lovely  
With your smile so warm  
And your cheeks so soft  
There is nothing for me but love you  
Just the way you look tonight…"  
  
Chandler tightened his arms around her, enjoying the feel of her body close to his, and knowing the truth held within the lyrics of the song. At moments like this, he wondered how he could forget anything that he had shared with her - much less all of it. He pushed his troubled thoughts to the back of his mind and whispered softly in her ear.  
  
"Monica, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight."  
  
Monica looked up at him, touched.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Come on, Monica. You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms."  
  
She couldn't believe that he had said the very same words that had propelled her into his arms the night that had started it all. Before she had time to think, she was kissing him - and he was kissing back - just like they had seven years ago in London.  
  
After a moment, Monica pulled back slowly, her eyes wide.   
  
"Oh God, Chandler. I didn't mean - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just couldn't help myself."   
  
Chandler looked back at her and swallowed hard, speechless. She turned her back to him and took a couple of steps, distancing herself. Chandler finally got control of his senses again and reached for her, enveloping her from behind in a big hug.  
  
"Don't be sorry, Mon. I'm not. That was…I'm at a loss for words. Um, are our kisses always like that?"  
  
Monica nodded sadly as Chandler turned her to look at him. "Yeah."  
  
"Wow."  
  
Monica smiled slightly and looked away. Chandler noticed her discomfort and decided to leave her alone for a minute. He sat down on the couch, and gazed up at her. After a moment she sat down next to him and glanced at him shyly.  
  
"You really liked it?"  
  
"Monica, are you crazy? That's the, um, most amazing kiss I've ever had." He paused and looked at her before continuing softly. "This is the most amazing night I've ever had."  
  
Monica smiled and cuddled up to him as he put his arms around her. They sat in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts.   
  
"Chandler?" Monica spoke hesitantly, and Chandler pulled back a little so that he could look at her.  
  
Monica paused and looked down, trying to get enough courage to get out the words she wanted to say. "Um, tonight was wonderful, Chandler. Not just the, um, kiss, but all of it. You made me feel so much better, about everything. You've done everything from asking me to dance with you to a beautiful song to protecting me from my mother. I know this is really hard for you too, but you are doing everything you can to try to make it easier for me. And you don't know how much I appreciate it."  
  
"Monica, I-" She stopped him with a finger on his lips, and looked at him a moment before continuing.  
  
"There's one more thing I want you to do for me, to make tonight absolutely perfect."  
  
"Anything." His eyes told her he meant it, and she took a deep breath before telling him what she wanted.  
  
"I want to fall asleep in your arms tonight, Chandler. I don't mean sex. I think you know that I want to wait until, you know…for that. I just want to feel you next to me. Can I - Would you mind if I stayed with you tonight?"  
  
  
  
Monica felt his arms around her as soon as the first stages of wakefulness hit. She smiled as she remembered the night before, and the gentle way he had kissed her cheek as they were falling asleep. She had awakened periodically during the night, subconsciously wanting to know he was still there, and had been reassured each time by his strong arms and even breath against her neck.  
  
She felt his arms tighten around her as he kissed the back of her head.   
  
"Good morning."  
  
She rolled over so that she could see his face, and rested a hand on his cheek as he smiled at her.  
  
"Good morning to you too. I didn't expect you to be awake."  
  
"I've been awake for an hour or so. I was just watching you. Thinking." He paused and smiled at her again. "You are so beautiful when you sleep."  
  
She smiled back, then spoke teasingly. "And I'm not when I'm awake?"  
  
"Didn't say that, did I?" Chandler brushed a strand of hair off her forehead and let his hand rest on the side of her face. "You know I think you're gorgeous - always." He grinned, making her heart beat faster. "See if I try to compliment you again."  
  
"Ah, you're not that easy to scare."  
  
"You're right."  
  
Monica leaned in to brush her lips lightly against his. "Thank you. For last night."  
  
Chandler sobered and ran his fingers down her arm.  
  
"Thank you. For letting me hold you all night long. It was, um, amazing. Something about it just felt right."  
  
"Well, that's because it is. I promised myself I wouldn't do this - ask you for anything before you got your memory back - but I couldn't help it. I miss you. I'm not trying to push you or anything. I know it'll take time, and no matter how badly I want you to remember, I can't do anything to make you. But it felt so wonderful to fall asleep with your arms around me again."  
  
"I know. It felt wonderful for me too."   
  
Monica watched him for a moment, trying to get her thoughts in order. She didn't know why everything suddenly seemed so normal, but she welcomed the change, no matter how fleeting. Finally pushing her questions aside, she reluctantly got out of the bed and wrapped a robe around her.  
  
"I've got to get ready for work. I promised I'd come in early and work on a new entrée for the dinner menu. I'll drop Matthew off at day care on my way."  
  
"Do you want me to pick Matthew up? Not like I have much else to be doing…"  
  
"No, I will. I'm only going to be at the restaurant for a couple of hours. Besides, you don't know where his school is anyway."  
  
"Oh…yeah. You're right."  
  
"I'm getting in the shower. Do you need anything?"  
  
"Nope, I'm better than I've been in awhile." Chandler smiled at her as she left the room, and she smiled back. But as soon as he heard the bathroom door shut, he leaned his pillow and sighed. Holding her had made all of his problems go away, but now they were back again. He hated feeling so incapable. He hated not knowing things basic things like where his son went when he left the house each morning. He closed his eyes and prayed that they wouldn't have to go on like this for much longer.   
  
  
  
Insert montage - covering a couple of weeks - to Leann Rimes "Please Remember". I know, it's a song about goodbyes and all that, but it kind of fits, for more than just the obvious "remember" part. =) I'll put the words to the part that goes here after I put the clips that will show during the song. And I know that I'm not writing this as if it were an episode or something that would actually have a montage, but just pretend for now. =)  
  
Montage:   
  
ØMonica talking to Chandler while she's fixing breakfast.  
ØChandler and Monica sitting on the couch, watching t.v. together  
ØChandler pushing Matthew on some swings in Central Park. He's smiling, but looking really thoughtful.  
ØMonica sitting at the table in their apartment, looking at her engagement ring, which she's taken off her hand.  
ØChandler covering Monica up while she's sleeping on the couch.   
ØChandler's still sitting on the coffee table, watching her sleep, and crying just a little.  
ØMonica running into the bathroom with morning sickness, and Chandler watching her, worried.  
ØMonica at the doctor's office with Ross, looking at an ultrasound and crying - happily.  
ØChandler and Monica standing in the doorway of Matthew's room right after they've tucked him in. They're both looking at Matthew, and Chandler has his arms around Monica's shoulders.  
ØMonica looking at herself sideways in the mirror, trying to decide if the shirt she's wearing is baggy enough to disguise her pregnancy.  
ØMonica shaking her head as Rachel points to a crib decorated with baseball bats, soccer balls, etc in a baby store. Monica points to a ballerina lamp.  
ØChandler sitting on the bed, staring at something. The camera zooms in and we see that it's a picture of Monica.  
ØMonica crying while she watches their wedding video.  
ØChandler going into Central Perk and sitting down on the couch. He sits there for just a moment, as if he's waiting for someone, then leaves again.  
  
"Please Remember"  
  
"Time, sometimes the time just slips away  
And you're left with yesterday  
Left with the memories  
I, I'll always think of you and smile  
And be happy for the time I had you with me  
Though we go our separate ways  
I won't forget so don't forget  
The memories we made  
Please remember  
Please remember  
When I was there for you   
And you were there for me  
Please remember  
Our time together  
When time was yours and mine  
And we were wild and free  
Please remember, please remember me.  
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say  
And it's sad to walk away  
With just the memories  
Who's to know what might have been  
We leave behind a life and time   
We'll never know again  
Please remember  
Please remember  
When I was there for you   
And you were there for me  
And remember, please remember me  
Please remember  
Please remember  
When I was there for you  
And you were there for me  
Please remember  
Our time together  
When time was yours and mine  
And we were wild and free  
Then remember, please remember me"   
(Song fades out as Chandler walks into the apartment.)  
  
"Hey Mon. Hey Matthew."  
  
Monica looked up and smiled as Matthew ran to Chandler and Chandler picked him up, greeting him with a kiss.  
  
"How was your first day back?" Monica questioned seriously.  
  
"Now I know why you hated going back to working full days. I could definitely get used to working four hours a day. Which, with my job, translates to about one and a half."  
  
Monica shook her head and walked over to give him a kiss on the cheek.   
  
"Just be careful. I don't want you working too hard."  
  
"Monica, when have you ever known me to work hard?"  
  
"Well…"  
  
"That's right. Quit worrying."   
  
Monica made a face, which sent Matthew into fits of giggles. Chandler laughed too, and finally Monica joined in. When they calmed down, Monica walked to the fridge.  
  
"What do you want for dinner?"  
  
"Let's go out."  
  
"Why? I can cook."  
  
"You cook all day. Come on, we'll get Matthew Burger King and drop him off at your parents. They'll be delighted. Then you and I can go out for a nice dinner."  
  
"Well…What do you think, Matty? You want to go stay with Gran and Papa Jack?"  
  
Matthew screwed up his face, considering the possibility before he nodded his approval. He squirmed out of Chandler's arms, and jumped to the floor.  
  
"Maybe Papa Jack will tell me some more stories!"  
  
Monica glanced at her son and smiled. "What kind of stories does Papa Jack tell you, sweetie?"  
  
"Um, he talks about Daddy having weird hair, and how you cut off Daddy's toe, and about how you used to be-" Matthew paused and thought for a moment, obviously trying to remember the exact words his grandfather had used. "Um, heavy. That's what he said. He told me if I was good, he might show me videos!"  
  
Monica looked at Chandler with horror, knowing exactly what video her father was referring to, and remembering what she had found at the end of it. Chandler just smiled, recalling the trauma Monica had gone through when she watched the whole video.  
  
"You tell your grandfather that he better watch them all the way through before he shows them to you. Now go get your jacket."  
  
Matthew gave her a strange look then ran into his room to obey. Monica glanced at Chandler, who was still smiling.   
  
"What are you smiling at? Do you remember what you look like in those videos? Granted, you aren't in the infamous prom video, but my dad does have a few…"  
  
Chandler sobered quickly, then shrugged. "Well, YOUR father has told OUR son that YOU cut off MY toe! How do you think Matthew feels about that?"  
  
Monica hit him playfully. "I better call my parents."   
  
She went to the phone while Chandler went to help Matthew get ready. After a moment, Monica came into Matthew's room, the cordless phone still in her hand.  
  
"Mom and Dad are ecstatic." She rolled her eyes, mimicking her mother. "Oh, yes, just bring that precious child right over. His grandmother will take even better care of him than Chandler does." She sighed, obviously annoyed. "Like his MOTHER doesn't have anything to do with it."  
  
Chandler smiled sympathetically, then got up from where he was kneeling next to Matthew and hugged her, whispering to her. "You are an absolutely wonderful mother, Mon. God knows your mom was wrong about everything else over the years, but she knows how great you are with Matthew. Anybody can see that."  
  
"How do you always know just what to say to make me feel better?" Monica pulled back and looked at him. "You always have, no matter what I was upset about."  
  
"Ah, it's in my job description."  
  
Monica smiled at him for a minute, then turned to Matthew. "Come on, sweetie. Papa Jack and Gran are waiting for you."  
  
Matthew held up his arms, wanting to be carried, and Monica obliged, kissing his cheek as he wrapped his arms around her. Chandler watched them leave the room, smiling at the contentment on both faces. He followed them out of the room, and grabbed his jacket and one for Monica as he shut the door behind him.  
  
  
  
"How's the chicken?"  
  
Monica took another bite and glanced at Chandler.   
  
"Pretty good."  
  
"Wow, the gifted chef doesn't have any complaints about another person's cooking?"  
  
Monica blushed a little. "Well, I wasn't going to ruin our dinner with comparisons, but if you want…"   
  
"No, no. Please, just enjoy."  
  
"I am. But not the food so much as you."  
  
Chandler's face lit up at the simple compliment, and he reached across the table to take her hand   
  
"Me too."   
  
Monica glanced at their hands on the table and smiled. She knew he had reached for her without thinking, and knowing that they were that comfortable together reassured her. She liked things the way they were now. They had been more affectionate since the night after Ross's party, when they had spent the night together. They acted more like a married couple, and though kisses were still very rare, they touched often and no longer had any qualms about hugs or cuddling.  
  
After they finished their dinner, Chandler suggested a walk in the park, and Monica readily agreed, unwilling to end the magic between them. He was surprised when Monica reached for his hand, but only hesitated briefly before wrapping his fingers around hers. She smiled at him, obviously pleased with his response. They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Chandler suddenly stopped and turned Monica toward him.  
  
"Mon, there's something I have to tell you."  
  
Monica noticed the strain on his face, and was immediately scared. "Are you okay? Do we need to go home? Are you in pain or-"  
  
"No, Mon," Chandler interrupted. "I'm fine, really. I've just been trying all night to find a good way to say this. And I can't seem to find any just spectacular words, so I'm just going to tell you, okay?"  
  
"Okay." He saw the flicker of worry in her blue eyes, and smiled at her, hoping to relieve her tension. He looked down at his hands holding hers and took a deep breath before he looked at her again.  
  
"Monica…I think I'm starting to remember."  
  
He saw shock and happiness register immediately in her eyes, and she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.  
  
"Oh, sweetie! That's wonderful!"  
  
He pulled back so that he could see her face before he continued.  
  
"Monica, it's not really anything solid. I mean, I don't remember any specific events or anything. But I think I'm starting to remember…feelings, if that makes any sense."  
  
Monica gazed at him, her expression still happy, but questioning. "What kind of feelings?"  
  
Chandler looked down at her, not really knowing what words to use to explain it to her. He led her to a nearby bench and sat down next to her before he continued.   
  
"I… I can't really explain it, Monica. Some things just seem familiar. Like I know that I've done it before - often - but I just can't remember actually doing it. It's almost like deja vu or something. But…Somehow I know that it's the edges of my memory starting to become clear again. Does that make sense?"  
  
"Yeah…It does, sort of. What kinds of things seem familiar? Was it going back to work?"  
  
"Well, yeah, some of it is work. I kind of instinctively know what to do, although I don't remember having that job. But it's much, much more than work. Most of the times I feel like that…I'm with you."  
  
He gazed into her eyes, and watched as the tears that slowly filled them ran down her cheeks. He gently wiped them away with his thumb, and put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.  
  
"Every time you hold my hand or hug me, I feel kind of…warm. Safe. But that night, after Ross's party, when you stayed with me… That's the strongest it's been. When I woke up with my arms around you, and watched you sleeping, I just knew that it was something I'd done every morning for years, and that it was something I loved to do. Since then, every time I'm near you, I get that same kind of feeling. At first I thought…" He paused and she turned her head slightly to look at him, waiting for him to continue.  
  
"I thought that maybe I was just falling for you all over again. Not remembering being in love you, but starting again. And maybe I am. Something tells me I fell in love you again every day we were together." He stopped to smile at her before he went on. "But it's more than that. It's something so, so much deeper. And the only explanation I can come up with is that I'm remembering some of the things I felt before."  
  
They were both quiet for a moment. Chandler placed his hand on her cheek and gently turned her face toward him, so he could look into her eyes.  
  
"Say something. Please."   
  
Monica looked at him for a moment before she put her arms around his neck and pulled him toward her for a tender kiss. When she reluctantly pulled away, she leaned her forehead against his and spoke softly.  
  
"I love you. I know I promised I wouldn't say or do things like that, but you can't tell me something like that and expect me not to."  
  
"Hmm…Do you hear me complaining?" Chandler pulled her into his arms and held her close, stroking her hair while she clung to him.  
  
"Chandler?" Monica questioned him hesitantly, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "What now?"  
  
Chandler sighed and held her even closer. "I don't know, Mon. I mean, I still don't remember - things. But maybe that's coming soon. I hope so, honey. I really do."  
  
"Me too. There's a lot I want you to remember." Like the baby, she continued to herself. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hide it from him. He knew she was having morning sickness, and she knew that he noticed that she took naps and went to bed earlier. But he seemed content to pass it off to a flu bug. She was sure that pregnancy was a conclusion he would never jump to on his own, and she was scared to tell him. But she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it simply with loose clothes much longer. She wasn't sure if it was her imagination or not, but she seemed to be getting bigger much faster than she had with Matthew.  
  
After a few moments of silence, Chandler pulled away and smiled at her. "We better go get our son. It's just about bedtime." He paused and grinned at her. "God, I'm such a grownup."  
  
Monica grinned back and stood up. "Yeah, but you make an awfully good one."  
  
Chandler pulled her into his arms for one more hug, then they started their walk back toward their car, hand in hand.  
  
  
  
Chandler finished his coffee as he listened to Matthew telling him about an event at his school, and glanced toward Monica. She looked a little pale, and she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. He pushed aside his concern, telling himself that there was nothing to worry about, and grabbed his briefcase.   
  
"I'm off to the exciting world of data-processing." Monica only smiled wanly in response.   
  
"Have a good day, honey."  
  
"I'll try." He gave Matthew a quick kiss on the forehead. "Be good, son. I'll see you tonight." He turned to Monica and kissed her on the lips without thinking. "Bye Mon. I-" He stopped suddenly, realizing what he was about to say. She was staring back at him, her eyes wide. Chandler slowly backed away, still staring into her eyes.  
  
"Uh, I - I'll see you tonight."   
  
Monica nodded, still stunned, and watched him walk toward the door. Just before he opened it, he turned back to her.   
  
"Is that something we do every morning?"  
  
Monica didn't answer out loud, but he read it in her eyes. He knew that the goodbye kiss and exchange of "I love you's" was something sacred.   
  
"See, that's what I mean. Things like that…it just feels right."  
  
With that, he closed the door behind him, leaving Monica staring after him, still trying to sort through what had just happened.   
  
  
  
Chandler had sorting to do for himself, but the office was not the place to do it. He wanted to sit at his desk and try to figure out what was going on in his head - why he did some things without thinking, but couldn't remember ever actually doing them before. But with deadlines to meet, people were rushing around, asking him for answers he didn't have, and generally making him crazy, there was no time to sit and contemplate. So he threw himself into his work, doing his best to answer questions, and hoping the day would end quickly.  
  
"Mr. Bing, where's the W.E.N.U.S. for two weeks ago? Mr. Douglas needs them ASAP."  
  
"Um, I don't know Tony, I wasn't here remember? Check with Caldwell, he should know. And will you take these figures to him as you go?"  
  
"Already there, Mr. Bing."   
  
Chandler jerked around, startled by the words. "What did you say?"  
  
"I said I'm on my way." Tony Marshall was looking at him strangely, but Chandler didn't care.  
  
"No, the phrase. You said you're already there." Chandler turned away, ignoring the question in his colleague's eyes, and continued talking softly to himself. "I'm already there. The song…Oh, God, I've got to find Monica."  
  
Chandler grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and ran out of the office, paying no attention the people that were calling after him. All he could think about Monica, and getting to her as quickly as he could.  
  
  
As Chandler runs for home, "Please Remember" picks up where it left off. Here's the words to the rest of the song, which will play as we see Chandler running through the streets of New York, trying to hail a cab, pushing people out of his way, etc.  
  
  
"And how we laughed   
And how we smiled  
And how this world was yours and mine  
And how no dream was out of reach  
I stood by you, you stood by me  
We took each day and made it shine  
We wrote our names across the sky  
We ran so fast, we ran so free  
And I had you and you had me  
Please remember…"  
(At "And I had you and you had me", Chandler runs into the apartment and Monica stands up from the couch, startled.)  
  
"Chandler! Are you okay? What are you doing home?"  
  
Chandler just stood and stared at her, thinking to himself that she had never looked more beautiful.  
  
"Chandler?" She started to walk toward him, but his words made her stop dead in her tracks.  
  
"I remember."   
  
Monica stared at him, unable to believe she was actually hearing those words.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I remember, Mon. Everything." He started to walk toward her slowly, giving the news time to sink in. Monica stood still, too shocked to move.  
  
"I remember London, and how it all started. I remember yelling out that I loved you when Phoebe was trying to get me to admit we were sleeping together. Hard eights in Vegas…this room filled with candlelight when you agreed to marry me…I remember crying the first time I held Matthew, and you told me that he looked like me. We read "Goodnight Moon" to him that night in the hospital and we think that's why it's his favorite. I remember how beautiful you were walking down the aisle on our wedding day, and I remember how much I meant it when I said…" He paused and wiped a hand across his eyes as he reached her and stroked her cheek with his hand, smiling as he repeated the words he had said on their wedding day. "I love you. Any surprises that come our way it's okay because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You want to know if I'm sure?"  
  
Chandler gently wiped away the tears that were rolling down Monica's face, and leaned in to kiss her. Then he grinned and continued with the words he had said that day, after Joey had pronounced them man and wife. "I love you. And I know about the baby." He rested his hand against her abdomen as an added reassurance, and kissed her again.  
  
Monica looked at him and suddenly started to sob, leaning back into his arms. Chandler held her close, stroking her hair, and smiling as he thought about his recently reacquired knowledge. He had his memory back. And he was going to be a father again.   
  
Monica finally pulled back so she could look at him. "I wanted to tell you about the baby, Chandler, but the doctor-"  
  
"Sweetie, it doesn't matter. I know why. I'm just sorry that you had to keep a secret like that from me. God, Monica, I love you so much." Chandler lifted her face so he could kiss her, and Monica finally smiled and kissed him back.   
  
"I love you too. Oh, sweetheart, I was so afraid…"  
  
"I know. I was too. But it's all over now. My tumor's gone, and I have my memory back."  
  
"You remember everything, sweetie?"  
  
"All of it. I remember dancing to "I Could Not Ask For More" at the reception, and I remember the day we bought the apartment next door. You told me you were pregnant with Matthew at Ross and Rachel's wedding. Joey and Phoebe got married in my hospital room. And the day Jack was born was the day we decided to start trying for another baby."  
  
"Oh, I'm so glad to have you back!"  
  
"Me too." He led her around to the couch and sat down, pulling her down into his lap and kissing her. "We've got a lot to catch up on."  
  
"Matthew's at Ross and Rachel's for the afternoon."  
  
"Aw, I was hoping he was here so I could - Oh…" Chandler smiled as he caught on and kissed Monica again, then allowed her to pull him up from the couch and lead him into their bedroom.  
  
"I think it's time you started sleeping in here again, don't you, Mon?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
  
  
Six months later…  
  
"I like Emily."  
  
"Chandler, I already told you why we can't name her Emily, no matter how much we both like it. Don't you think Rachel might have a little bit of a problem if we name our child after Ross's ex-wife?"  
  
"Oh…yeah. But I really like it! Besides, if it weren't for Emily, we never would have been in London, and we might not have gotten together."  
  
"I think we would've realized how much we loved each other sooner or later."  
  
"But it's a good reason to call the baby Emily! And Emily goes really, really well with Bing."  
  
"Well, that's true. But still, how would you feel if Ross and Rachel had named Jackson Richard or Pete?"  
  
"Ah…Fine. You made your point. But as long as YOU don't name one of our children Richard or Pete, I'd be okay with it."  
  
Monica laughed and kissed him, pulling away before it got too intense. "Come on, you promised we'd decide on a name today."  
  
"Well, what do you like?"  
  
"I like Brittney, but Brittney Bing? Nah. Same for Brooke." Monica paused. "Do you think we should be talking about boys' names too? We don't know for sure it's a girl. Just because we want it to be…"  
  
"Well, maybe. Are there any particular boys' names you like?"  
  
"Ethan or Caleb."  
  
"I like those. Together. Ethan Caleb Bing."   
  
"That's it. It's perfect. How come that's so easy?"  
  
"Because we know it's not a boy. Back to girls' names. Morgan?"  
  
"Elizabeth?"  
  
"Emily, Emily, Emily!"  
  
"Chandler…"  
  
"Fine, fine, Rachel would kill us. How 'bout Courteney?" AN: I know, I know, but it's my story, so…  
  
"Courteney Bing. Not bad. Got a middle name to go with it?"  
  
"Well…Matthew's middle name is Chandler, we could make Courteney's Monica."  
  
"Nope, nuh-uh."  
  
"Why not?!"  
  
"Just because. And we can't name her after Rach or Phoebe without the other getting upset, so don't even suggest it."  
  
"Well, why don't you make a suggestion then?"  
  
"I like Elizabeth. Courteney Elizabeth."  
  
"Hmm…I like it."  
  
"So do I."  
  
Chandler smiled and laid his hand on Monica's abdomen. "So, in about a month, this will be either Courteney Elizabeth or Ethan Caleb."  
  
"Yep. Now, was that so hard?"  
  
"I still like Emily."  
  
"Oh, quit pouting. Or I'll tell Rachel what you wanted to name the baby, and she'll explain to you - loudly - why that's not acceptable."  
  
"Fine, fine." Chandler kissed Monica and wrapped his arms around her, leaning back against the headboard of their bed. "I can't believe that in four weeks we're going to have another child."  
  
"I know. Good thing your prediction was wrong, and this baby isn't twins."  
  
"Well, that just means that we're going to have to try harder next time."  
  
"Who would've EVER thought Chandler Bing would want twins?"  
  
"Let's not play that game. After all, nobody ever believed you and I would end up together."  
  
"But we did, and that's all that matters."  
  
  
  
Epilogue  
  
  
"Chandler Bing? Dr. Gillespie will see you now."  
  
Chandler rose from his seat and glanced at Monica nervously. She tried to smile reassuringly, but couldn't quite manage it. She was as scared as he was. His six-month check up had gone well, but this was the big one. The moment of truth. If there was no sign of the cancer this time, he was basically free and clear.  
  
Chandler followed the nurse into the doctor's office, where Dr. Gillespie greeted him with a hearty handshake and a smile.   
  
"Chandler, it's good to see you. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Great, great. I hope you won't tell me I should be feeling otherwise."  
  
"I hope so, too. How's that baby of yours?"  
  
Chandler smiled, thinking about his five-month-old daughter.  
  
"Courteney's wonderful. She looks just like Monica."  
  
"I bet she's gorgeous. Do you have a picture?"  
  
"Of course!" Chandler pulled out his walled and proudly showed the doctor the pictures he carried of Matthew and Courteney.   
  
"They're beautiful, both of them."  
  
"We think so."  
  
"Well, you're a lucky guy, Chandler. After all you've been through, I know you appreciate each day you have with your family."  
  
"I do. I do."  
  
"Well, how 'bout we get this over with so you can get out of here? We're going to do several scans and some x-rays. It shouldn't take long. I'll take you on in now, if you're ready."  
  
"As I've ever been."  
  
Chandler felt his stomach twist into knots as Dr. Gillespie led him into the white room with the CAT scan machine. If there was something on those films, he didn't know what he and Monica were going to do. He knew the possibility of a relapse was miniscule, but he wouldn't rest easy until he was given a clean bill of health.  
  
Monica sat in the waiting room, fiddling with the edge of her skirt, wondering how long this was going to take. Both she and Chandler had been almost sick with anxiety for days. She picked up a magazine and tried to read, but couldn't concentrate. She ended up staring into space and fiddling with her engagement ring, wondering what they would do if the tumor had come back.  
  
"Monica?" Dr. Gillespie's voice startled her back to reality, and she stood up quickly.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why don't you come on back and sit with Chandler while we wait on the results, okay?"  
  
He didn't look worried, and was even smiling, but Monica still felt her heart race.  
  
"Okay."  
  
She followed him into his office, where Chandler was waiting, his face pale. She sat down in the chair next to him, and he reached for her hand as they waited for the doctor to start talking.  
  
"The films should be back in a couple of minutes. You two just relax here, and I'll go take a look, okay?"  
  
They both nodded, and Dr. Gillespie exited the room, leaving them alone. Chandler looked at Monica, wondering what she was thinking, but unable to get the words past his tight throat to ask. Monica squeezed his hand and leaned over to his him on the cheek.  
  
"It'll be okay, Chandler. I know you're scared. So am I. But nothing else is going to happen to us, sweetie. I promise."  
  
Chandler managed to nod, and almost started to believe her. But he couldn't relax until he heard the doctor tell him he was still okay.   
  
Dr. Gillespie reentered the room after about ten minutes, and Monica and Chandler turned to look at him. He smiled.  
  
"There's no sign of the tumor. You're perfectly healthy, Chandler."  
  
Chandler stood up, relieved, and turned to Monica, who was crying.  
  
"I'm fine. Oh God, Mon, I'm fine."  
  
They hugged each other for a long time, then finally remembered that Dr. Gillespie was still in the room. They both turned to him at the same time, and thanked him over and over.  
  
"Hey, it wasn't me. But I'm glad I got to give you the good news. Both of you have been in my thoughts over the past year."  
  
Monica and Chandler thanked him and prepared to take their leave. Before they left, Dr. Gillespie made them promise to bring Matthew and the baby by to visit. They left the office hand in hand, and the doctor felt a glow of satisfaction as he watched them leave. It always felt good to see someone overcome something like cancer, but Chandler and Monica had found a special place in his heart. He was happy that everything had worked out for them.  
  
  
  
"Matthew's asleep," Chandler announced as he walked into the living room, where Monica was rocking Courteney. Monica held up a finger to her lips as Chandler walked over to his wife and daughter, and knelt down next to them, gazing at the baby in Monica's arms. He watched as Courteney fluttered her eyes and finally closed them against her will. Already, their daughter was indicating that she had Monica's stubborn streak, especially when she was sleepy. Chandler lifted the baby out of Monica's arms and laid her in the cradle in the corner of their room.   
  
Monica walked up behind Chandler as he watched their baby sleep and put her arms around him. He put an arm around her shoulders, and hugged her.  
  
"Does it get any better than this?"  
  
Monica smiled, and kissed him gently, caressing his cheek with her hand.  
  
"I don't think so." She leaned over to adjust the blanket around their daughter, and led Chandler over to the bed. As he settled down beside her, she laid her head on his chest, and sighed with contentment.  
  
"I love you, Chandler."  
  
Chandler kissed the top of her head and let his hand absentmindedly stroke her hair.  
  
"I love you too. You've made me so happy."  
  
"So have you."  
  
"Goodnight Mon."  
  
"Goodnight Chandler."  
  
Monica lifted her head for a goodnight kiss, and reached over to turn out the light. Chandler held her close as they both drifted off to sleep, content in the knowledge that they were going to get their happy ending.  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!! Finally!! =) Hope you enjoyed it!  
  
  
  
  



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